Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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Loss at 18 weeks


My first pregnancy was a huge surprise. I was planning a wedding for September 6, 2003. I found out I was pregnant in February, prior to our wedding. My due date was three weeks after the wedding, so we bumped the wedding up to April 26, 2003.

I began spotting less than a week after I found out I was pregnant. I scheduled an appointment and the u/s showed the baby had a strong heartbeat and everything looked good. The weeks passed and I began to bleed. Several trips to the ER still showed nothing to be wrong. The doctors could not figure out the source of the bleeding. I even left my bridal shower to go to the ER only to be sent home to "take it easy".

I was put on different meds to control the bleeding, which some made it worse. I began hemorrhaging at one point. They finally gave me an oral med that actually stopped the bleeding, the day before our wedding!

Our wedding day came and went and it was very exhausting for me. The next day we celebrated my husbandís grandmotherís birthday at her house. We left early because I wasn't feeling well, thinking I was just overly tired from the wedding. I was also losing bladder control and wanted to be in the comfort of my own home.

Sunday night, I crawled into bed and felt the baby move for the first time....at 18 weeks. I told my husband the baby had just moved and I was on cloud nine. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and more than urine came out. I looked down and saw the umbilical cord hanging there. My husband called the ambulance and our son was born a short while later.

I cannot tell you the pain I feel everyday, still. This is something I will never get over. We celebrate our anniversary then mourn the loss of our son two days later. It's very hard every year. It took us a few months to conceive again, and after another difficult pregnancy, I delivered a very healthy little girl. We named her Trinity after the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Our way of telling God we were not mad at him. We have since had another healthy girl with no problems during the pregnancy.


I find comfort in a lot of things, but mostly through conversation. I need to talk about it. Some things I have heard that catch my heart are: "Some people dream of angels...we got to hold ours" "Dear Lord, I dreamed of setting my baby on my lap to tell him about You, but since I didn't get the chance, will You set him on Your lap and tell him about me?"

I am very thankful I did not have to watch my baby suffer. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I looked forward to the day that I get to hold my baby in my arms again. Until then, he's forever in my heart, mind, and soul.

Mommy loves you Baby Jason!


Dacia






m/c plus son with epilepsy

I've only had one m/c but I have a son with epilepsy. We are considering seeing an RE before getting pg again. I just want to learn more and to calm our anxiety about our next try. I want to learn about others' experiences with pg after m/c, and with REs.

SJ Ziaya






3rd Miscarriage

Ladies I have to say after reading your stories it helps my heart hurt a little less to know I am not alone. I have had 2 miscarriages both at 8 weeks and now am awaiting my d&c for my third miscarriage. It is so nice to know the feelings I have of anger, hurt, sadness, that I am not alone.

My husband of 6 months has been a godsend. I have a bicornate uterus and polycystic syndrome, so getting pregnant itself is tough and staying pregnant is also tough. My husband knew as soon as we were seriously dating of my difficult past with the two miscarriages, he said honey it's okay; we will have our own children.

We went last Friday for our 8-week sonogram (my ob wanted to see me every week because of my past) and the baby was there (with no heartbeat) but also a huge blood clot inside of the sac was also there. The doctors can't explain why at 8 weeks exactly every time instead of the placenta forming blood clots form. I don't know if I can handle trying to get pregnant again and I am only 29.

I only want to be a mom and a wife but emotionally can I handle trying again?! We will never be able to afford a surrogate or adoption. To all the ladies who have written on here know you are not alone, please email me I would love to chat with any of you and maybe it will help us both. [email protected]


Sara






Ouch

I was very surprised to find out I was pregnant with baby number five! I was actually a little embarrassed, as I just felt irresponsible, although I think secretly I was so happy I looked at it as a blessing.

I was starting to feel pregnant the life I could feel inside me then I spotted, I got instantly worried but remained hopeful. The next day the bleeding began I have never known sadness and depression like this.

I know logically that this is gods way or natures way etc, but the thoughts of Blame and utter loss. I just shut down and almost lost my mind. I am at like one week and a half and just still broke out crying. I feel so for all of the women who have endured this pain I pray for all of you and am with you.

This whole thing was and is so different than I thought; it is a huge loss to me thank god for a supportive husband. Every day gets a little better; I AM JUST STAYING BUSY so I donít lose myself to the pain....


Sara






Emily

I have two beautiful children. My first pregnancy I was 30, everyone at work kept telling me how swollen I was so I took my blood pressure and it was extremely high so I called my doctor and she told me to go to the hospital and be checked out. The nurse asked me who took my blood pressure (it was an inflatable wrist cuff) because she did not believe me when I told her what it was. After she took my pressure she had me put on a gown gave me some wipes, told me to pee in a cup and get into bed. She took my husband to the hallway and told him that they called an advanced life support ambulance for me to transfer me to a hospital with a NICU because our baby would be born in a couple hours.

Well the ambulance arrived and the paramedics were very nervous, all they did was take my blood pressure over and over, then they would just look at each other and then the sirens kicked in, they did not want me in their bus! I arrived at the hospital loaded with magnesium and then they put me in a padded bed for seizures and did an ultrasound to estimate the gestational age, I thought I was 30 weeks they said 24-26, I said no way because I knew exactly when my last period was, I even thought I knew the day I got pregnant, the doctors said no way and I must have had a period when I was pregnant!

Anyhow this was on a Wednesday and I had the BEST doctors at Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn, Michigan. They were able to keep me and my 3-pound something fetus until Friday afternoon when they did a special ultrasound called a biophysical profile where the doctor said to get me to the ER because my baby was dying in utero! Well we sped through the halls and my little 1 pound 13 ounce boy was born. I kept saying he would not cry since his lungs were so immature but he let out two little kitten meows, I will never forget that sound! Anyhow after another 7 days in the hospital for me, my blood pressure would not go down, they finally let me see my baby, I could not go to NICU because of the seizures. My boy came home 53 days after he born, he weighed just a little over 3 pounds He is 6 now and healthy as can be ! He is just the cutest little boy, too. Thin like the little boy in Jerry McGuire and Stewart Little but cuter, he is really precious!

We planned our second pregnancy after we had a pre-conceptional consultation, we wanted to know the odds of this happening again, there were there but not as bad as we had thought. We had to stay with the high-risk doctors, I was glad because I really like them. Anyhow 12 weeks into the pregnancy, I went in for regular check and they could not find the heartbeat, so down the hall for an ultrasound. Honestly, I almost felt as though the baby was gone and while waiting for the technician, I was telling myself that this happens, by the way this was the first appointment my husband missed, not because he could not be there but because he thought "it would change our luck" well there was a heartbeat but the tech left the room and I knew there was something wrong, we had been there before.

The doctor came in and said the baby's bladder was the size of a 36-week fetus. They would have to do further testing but the outcome looked grim. I called my husband and he came up and it felt like forever! The doctor came in the room and told us that bladder problems go hand in hand with downs syndrome and we will need an amnio and then they would know more. Then she added that sometimes these things can resolve in a female fetus but we could not get a sex. We had the amnio and waited for the results, by this time we were 17 weeks along and needing results because we did not know our options, all options. Well the results came back and the baby had nothing wrong with her except for her bladder. We were told that terminating would be an option since our little girl would have a 0% chance of survival. We were also told that this was SOOOO extreme that she would probably pass in utero because there was no way her little heart could take the pressure of the bladder, which by this time was unbelievably medically huge. We went in every week for a heartbeat check and she was so strong, the doctors could not believe it, I could not feel her move because she could not move because her abdomen was so big.

We got to the point of almost 22 weeks and I was so scared that she could be born alive to only live and suffer for a few seconds, minutes or hours but she would die, we knew that. At this hospital you can only medically terminate a pregnancy until 23 weeks. We thought so hard and decide that we needed to do this, we would be induced and go through labor and delivery. We changed our mind after we had our appointment, we found out insurance would not cover an "abortionĒ I was quick to correct the cold person on the other line, I told her how bad I wanted this baby and how much I loved her and she should NEVER use that word again. I decided that I could not pay a dime out of my own pocket to terminate my pregnancy, I still have mixed feelings about this, as I think I was ready to terminate because my husband could not go on any longer, he always said it was up to me that he would respect any decision I made about our daughter. I have to say I am glad that insurance would not pay this because this was never really what I wanted, my husband told me we had the money (about 10,000) I think he now knows how I felt about this. Anyhow we continued to go in weekly for heart beat checks, that all they did from 12 weeks was check for Emily's heartbeat.

She held on until 26 weeks, which amazed my doctors. I was in labor on and off for over a week, my contractions were the most unbelievable pain anyone could imagine, there was no amniotic fluid, it was all in her bladder, any urine her calcified kidneys could make was in her bladder, I measured 46 weeks (full term is 40) at 26 weeks, I was huge and could no longer breathe, so on one of our many trips to L&D they drained her bladder, they syringed 100 times the amount of liquid that a bladder can hold, it would have filled three 2 liter bottles. She still had a heartbeat all though this. We were going to be sent home because draining her bladder stopped my contractions, they told me to take a nap and I woke up in the most severe pain and I was ready, they called my doctor back and our little Emily was born sleeping.

I had asked God to not let her suffer, Emily knew our love, she never knew hate and I pray to this day she never knew what pain was. Emily's life began in me and her life ended in me and I take comfort in that. She was a beautiful peaceful looking doll baby, she looked a lot like her brother, they were born at the same gestational age, having a premature baby really made a lot of decisions hard as we saw what miracles happen in the NICU. I never asked for a miracle with Emily, I knew what God had planned for her and I had to let her go, I had a dream (I have many) where she was waiting for me in heaven and she was grown up and she was a little heavy and I knew as soon as I looked at her that she was my Emily. We held her for some time and had her baptized. Then we called the nurse to come and take her, I did not cry until she started walking out with my baby. The doctor who delivered Emily was so caring and so husband like, he is my favorite (there are 4 of them) he said he had never seen anything like this in 20 years.

We had her cremated and we brought her home and when I pass, I want Emily and our little dachshund put with my ashes. It took a lot of time for life to return to somewhat normal, 3 years later and my husband and I rarely talk about her, I talk about her all the time to friends but not to my husband since he does not like to talk about it. We never found out what happened to Emily, except that maybe is was something I was exposed to, I worked on a school bus and they think maybe the fumes, our buses ran non-stop and bumper to bumper. Needless to say, with our third baby my husband would not even let me go near a bus.

Our third pregnancy went well, I thought. The dr. said we should wait 6 months to get pregnant so we could grieve, let me tell me you, my arms ached, sometimes I woke up at night searching our house for the baby, so when those 6 months were up, we conceived. We had the regular screenings and at 15 weeks had that quad 4 and it came back indicating down syndrome, the office called us on a Friday and said we had an amnio appt on Monday. We went in for the amnio and the ultrasound looked good, the dr, said they could see downs about 75% of the time. My husband was a wreck, I love him dearly but sometimes he makes me so upset because I needed him to be in high spirits not so depressed. Well those were the worst 2 weeks of waiting we ever had. My husband told me he never wanted to know the sex of our babies but if the amnio came back ok he did not care about knowing he did not care about pierced ears (something we argued about with our first pregnancy).

Anyhow the phone call came and I was told everything was just fine! I cannot tell you how relieved I was, I was bawling and not breathing. I was so happy I forgot to ask the sex of the baby, I know some people think it is wrong but I wanted a girl, not because of Emily, I wanted a girl with her too, but because I simply wanted to have a boy and a girl! I had to call back and ask what the sex of the baby was. It was a GIRL! I called my husband and on his way home he stopped and got me flowers (something he never does) and the diamond cross pendent I had wanted, I have never taken it off since he got it for me. The nurse in the OR was going to take it off and I yelled at her and told her not to even think about it! Anyhow I developed gestational diabetes, bad. I was able to control it with diet and some exercise. I was proud of myself. We were induced at 37 weeks, I was getting pre-eclampsia again, and the previous two weeks I was getting a non stress test every other day.

Anyhow we tried another v-back, I actually went into labor waiting for a room, the drs and the hospital are in the same building) I labored for 23 hours and pushed for 3 hours only to have a emergency c-section again! Our daughter is 2 now and she is a head full of curly curly curls and the sassiest baby you ever heard, she is so sweet!

After all of this, I still want another baby, I have to have another baby. My husband says NO, he is too scared. We have been together 20 years, we were high school sweethearts. I am desperate to have another baby, I am terrified of what is going to happen to my family, I cannot stay married and resent him for this. I am scared too but there are NO guarantees in life, especially in pregnancy, you have to live life every day for what it is, if it is going to happen, it is going to happen, there are some things you have no control of. I really need to write this. Thank you for taking the time to read my story of the happiest and most sad times of my life.
TLN


TLN







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