Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
my little angel
My husband and I had been married for 3 years. We decided it was finally time to start a family. We had wanted to forever, but kept putting it off because of the heavy financial burdens we had. We decided we would always have a lot of bills. So, we quit using condoms and figured whatever happens happens. I thought it would take me a while to conceive. It took my mom 10 years of trying before she got pregnant. In the mean time I joined weight watchers. I figured I would get pregnant easier if I was at a healthier weight. I did so good the first week of weight watchers. I didn't cheat at all. I went to the first weigh in expecting to have lost about 5 lbs. I did weight watchers in the past and would always lose 4 or 5 lbs. my first week on the program. To my dismay, I only had lost 2 lbs. I didn't see how this was possible. I followed the plan to a tee. I then got to thinking.... my period is a little late. However, my period was always off a little. I decided to take a pregnancy test the next morning. I could not believe my eyes when the test came back positive. I went to the store and bought 4 more tests. They all came back positive! I could not believe I was pregnant already. We had just decided to start trying. I felt like I was in a dream. I was so excited but scared at the same time. I could not believe my body was carrying a little life inside it! I was going to be a mother!! When my husband got home from work I told him the news. He could not believe it either. I showed him all the tests. We were both so happy!
I had called and told just about everybody the news! Everyone was so surprised and happy at the same time. When I went to work the next day, I told everyone there. I know you're supposed to wait 3 months before you tell people, but I could not wait!! Everybody was so excited!! They were all allready talking about throwing me baby showers. I was really getting into this.
I had gone to several doctor appointments and everything seemed to be going well. I hadn't even been gaining any more weight. Actually, the next couple of doctor appointments I started losing a couple pounds every time I went to the doctor. No one seemed to be concerned about this though. I finally went to a doctor visit and got to hear my babies heartbeat for the first time. Wow... it was amazing! It was such a loud and strong heartbeat. I brought a tape recorder with me to record it for everyone. I couldn't believe how loud it was at 13 weeks. It was just amazing to me!!
My next doctor's appointment was at 17 weeks. I was feeling very excited because my husband got to go with me to this visit. He was going to get to hear the heartbeat this time for himself. However, I just had a weird feeling that something wasn't right. I blew it off as being typical motherly feelings. When the doctor put up the little thing that looks like a microphone to my belly, we heard nothing. He moved it around and still nothing. He didn't seem to be worried though. We kind of just thought the baby was in a weird position. The doctor went in to get the ultrasound machine. My husband and I were kind of excited because we would actually get to see the baby and maybe even the sex of the baby. Doctor put the ultrasound machine on my belly and still no sign of a heartbeat. He then went and got the vaginal ultrasound. He hooked up the machine and still found no heartbeat. I could tell by his face, he didn't have to say anything. My baby was dead. The doctor showed us the picture of the baby and where we should see the heart beating. The picture showed a perfect looking little baby. It was heart breaking. I broke down in that room. I now felt like I was in a nightmare. It didn't feel real. My baby couldn't be gone. But it was....it was back in heaven with my dad that passed away 7 years ago. My baby was truly my little angel. It's amazing how you can love something so much that you have never even really seen or laid eyes on. I will miss that baby forever.
I had to be scheduled for a d&c later that day. My mom and husband were by my side. I could not quit crying. I just couldn't accept my little angel was gone. The d&c was quick. I was put under and when I woke up I was dizzy but felt ok. It was weird to think there was no more baby inside me. I really missed it. When I got home my husband finally broke down. He started crying hysterically. We both held eachother and cried together. This was a sad sad day.
They call the type of miscarriage I had a missed miscarriage. It's when the baby dies, but never expells itself. My body gave no signs of a miscarriage. My body still thought it was pregnant. They don't know why this happens. I guess it's usually a chromosome abnormality.
My husband and I are counting down the days until we can start trying again. I am deathly afraid this is going to happen again. My doctor reassures me that my next pregnancy should be a healthy one. All my blood tests revealed that nothing was wrong. So, I pray that I don't have to go through this again. I don't think I could handle it! I will never forget the baby I lost. It holds a place in my heart forever. I will look back a year from now and think that my baby would be a year old now. The pain I feel will never go away, it will just get easier to cope with. The only thing that makes me feel any better is knowing that my little angel is back in heaven.
The Vincent DiariesFriday, August 24th
I just wanted to send out an email to everyone to let them know about my little Vinny. Wednesday after work I went to the Doctor and she could not hear a heart beat. I went to St. Joe's and pretty much saw a lifeless limp little body on the ultrasound. They induced labor and about 24 hours later, Thursday at 7:09 pm Vinny was born. He was 1 pound 12 oz and 13 ½ inches long. He was so beautiful. He looked exactly like Doug. He has Doug's eyes, hands, & arms shapes. He had little side burns. He was perfect. No one but the Lord knows what happened. I am not mad at anyone and I do not blame God. I KNOW that Vinny is in heaven. He was too perfect to be in a world like ours. The hardest part is going to be getting over this. Doug and I had so many plans for the little guy. His Nursery was finished and his closet was full of clothes. I had his 1st Thanksgiving & Christmas planned. I had a scrapbook started, a journal, I was writing him a book. I do not know how I am going to get over this but I have the best husband and family to help me through it as well as the Lord.
Sunday, August 26th
I just wanted to let you all know that I am not mad at God at all. Vinny was too perfect for this world. Looking back now I think I felt this was going to happen. I planted a tree in my garden for him when we first found that we were pregnant. My idea was to watch the tree grow as Vinny grows. God's idea was to have something to serve as a memorial for him. I had a dream about a week ago that I was holding a baby and I was crying. I thought they were happy tears but now I know that is was of the grief to come. God was preparing me. I was writing a book for him about what his life in my belly was like called "Before you were Here" and almost finished it. I just needed a picture of my doctor and a few pictures of the pregnancy classes we were going to start this week. Since he came so soon it did not have the ending that I anticipated but I guess that when a child dies before a parent the only advantage is knowing that they went to heaven. Vincent means "Victorious" and Engel means "Angel". He is a Victorious Angel. He conquered this world by going straight to heaven. I cannot wait to see him again. I am sure he is looking forward to showing his Mommy and Daddy around. I know he will be so missed! We had his whole future planned out from dedication to graduation. But the Lord has better plans for us. He knows the beginning and the end. Someday we will find out all the answers to the questions we have and things will look so obvious. I am trusting wholly in the Lord on this.
Tuesday, August 28th
I just wanted to let you all know that around 2:30 AM Tuesday morning, I woke after having a dream. I was in some sort of department store and Liz (a friend from church) called me on the cell phone and told me and Doug to go to this place. There is a lake near our home that Doug and I used to walk around when I was pregnant. We went there and after walking around for a while we noticed Jesus illuminated on the water. It seemed like he was so bright that he was almost in black in white. He has his arms open and we ran to him. I woke up and told Doug and we prayed and thanked God for his comfort. Today was an easy day for me. I was in Jesus arms the whole day and had a beautiful peace in my heart. I wanted to share that with everyone.
el embarazo espontaneotuve un aborto espontaneo,lo cual me costo o me cuesta mucho recuperarame,aun no he ido al especialista para volver a embarazarme pero ya lo estoy intentando pero sin exito por lo cual recomiendo se acerquen a su medico de cabcerea inmediatamente,(como lo voy a hacer) para no pasar por esta mala experiencia nuevamente auque dicen los especialistas que es muy difi8cil se vuelva a repetir salvo problemas geneticos.chau.
Still WeepingI have had 3 miscarriages and two beautiful little boys. My first miscarriage happened at 6 weeks. I never made it to the doctor for the 1st exam and sono so I didn't really feel any type of emotional connection.
Two years later we had our 1st son Matthew (now age 6). After our 1st son we successfully had our 2nd son Aaron (now age 3). Both of my pregnancies were uneventful. My husband and I always wanted 3 children so we tried for baby number 3.
Last summer I was blessed again to get pregnant right away. When I went for my 1st sono there was an empty sac. At that point we began to ride an emotional roller coaster. The nurse practitioner and sono tech thought my dates might be wrong. I went back the following week for another sono where they showed a fetal pole. The doctor's office then ordered blood work to look at my HCG levels and Progesterone. I was called on a Wednesday with great news for both levels. Then on Friday I was called with bad news. My HCG levels did not come close to doubling. On 7/26/06 I had a D&C. We opted for Chromosomal testing and everything came back fine. I was pretty emotional the rest of the summer and found the next school year (I am a teacher) to be very hard being around a friend and colleague who was pregnant and due close to when I was suppose to be. Two more of my friends at work became pregnant with their 3rd babies. I unfortunately, was not conceiving as fast as I was use to.
I did become pregnant early spring '07 and was excited but cautious. My 1st sonogram went great I saw a heartbeat. At my next appointment I got to hear the heart beat.
Because of my age, I chose to have Amnio. We had the Amnio July 2nd I was almost 16 weeks. We got to see the baby moving and turning away from the sono wand as the technician pushed on my belly when trying to take the baby's measurements. The baby was being a brat and would not cooperate for the spinal measurements. This gave my husband and I quite a chuckle. Everything looked great with the measurements, the technician found a safe pocket of fluid for the doctor to draw from, and the baby was fine immediately afterwards. Later that day I had a regular doctor's appointment. We got to hear the heart beat again. I was so relieved. 11 days later we got our Amnio results. Everything was fine genetically and we found out we were having a baby girl.
4 weeks after the Amnio appt. we were scheduled for the 20-week sonogram. On 7/31/07 we were so excited to bring our sons so they could see their baby sister on the sono screen. What a nightmare it was. The sono tech began by asking us if we wanted to find out what we were having. We told her that we already knew that we were having a girl. She was teasing us about having a princess etc.... Then she started. She immediately stopped and said maybe the boys should go get lollipops. What a NIGHTMARE!!!! There was no heartbeat.
My doctor believes the baby's heart stopped close to 16 weeks. This part is the hardest to digest: he believes it could have been an infection as a result of the Amnio. It makes me sick thinking of it. We will never know exactly. On 8/1 my doctor performed a D&E on me. My boys have helped a lot emotionally.
It is still very raw for me. I am still weepy on given days and at different moments. It is hard reliving everything when people who don't know what happened think I am still pregnant. This has happened 3 times thus far.
My two beautiful boys are helping me emotionally. My husband seems to have accepted everything and has moved on.
There will always be a hole in my heart after all this. I wish I knew what the future holds for us.
Multiple miscarriagesI have one son and then I have had 13 miscarriages. Up until the 12th one, no doctor had any explanation as to why this has happened. I am seeing a different specialist who has said that I have a natural killer cell thing going on. Basically it means that my body is rejecting the pregnancy.
So I am taking this medication to correct it and he said that it would be fine. So when I got pregnant with number 13 there was no fetus, only a sack. Now since I am 38 and have been pregnant that many times I am wondering if I even have any more eggs left.
It is so hard for me right now. I was so hopeful and it did not work out...again! I am depressed, anxious, and angry and paranoid about everything that anyone says to me whether it is in relation to being pregnant or not. I have spent so much time trying to do this that I have lost sight of what makes me happy and content. Now I am left without a pregnancy and all these horrible feelings of insecurity.
I have also been looking for support groups in the long island area in regard to anything that I have written.
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