Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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Miscarried at 14 weeks


I just miscarried on May 14 and I can't seem to get over it. I feel extremely guilty because I went to work when I had bled the day before. The doctor said it wouldn't have mattered where I was and that it was going to happen whether I stayed home and rested etc.

But the part that is hard is that my water broke and I had my baby come out in the bathroom in the toilet. I went into shock and I guess I flushed not knowing or realising I had done that. I can't stop feeling this guilt over having my baby not be miscarried at home and where I would have been able to have help and have someone get the baby out of the toilet. I later went to the hospital and was told I went into shock and then later had to have a D& C done.

I am 34 and I have SVT ( Heart palipations) I am also overweight, so the doctor had stated I would be a high risk pregnancy and being over 30. I never expected this and I cannot get it out of my mind. I am trying to be positive, but it just won't leave my mind.

My husband has been great, but can't seem to understand my guilty feelings and I think he is also mad that I did not get the baby out of the toilet. I also expect to wake up and have morning sickness and now it is gone, I cursed it when it was here and now I long for my morning sickness back. I have two beautiful boys but still I can't believe how bad this hurts.

sad& feeling alone.


Patricia anderson






The third time

When my husband and I were married in Dec. 2002, we decided to wait a year before trying. In June 2003, I went to the hospital bleeding and in a lot of pain. The doctor came up to us and said "youíre 8 weeks pregnant and youíre having a miscarriage." Talk about a shock! I didn't have any symptoms of being pregnant. I thought I was just having a really bad period.

A couple of weeks after, I had an appointment with my doctor. I heard the same things, "this happens, not your fault" I was just so upset. I felt like I should have known I was pregnant. Three months later, I felt some early symptoms. So, I took a test and it came back positive. We were so happy. The next day I started bleeding. I called my doctor, and she saw me right away. She said maybe the test was faulty. She recommended that I find a new doctor who specialized in high-risk pregnancies. When I found a new doctor, my husband and I went to see her and she told us I had had another miscarriage. I told her I didn't understand why my previous doctor didn't tell me this. She said we could try again, but the both us were a little gun shy.

April 12th, 2007, I began to have sore breasts and feeling very tired. I knew I was about a week late, so I decided to take a home test. It came back positive. I was so happy and scared at the same time. I didn't know how to tell my husband, but when I did he was so excited! I called the doctor and made an appointment. Two weeks later when we saw the doctor, she did an ultrasound.

She said youíre not as far along as we first thought. It looked more like 6 weeks instead of 8. She said come back next week and if we see a clear heartbeat, you can start telling everyone. On May 2nd, she did another ultrasound. I knew something was wrong as soon as she turned the monster away from us.

She said she couldn't see the baby, just the sack. She sent me to the hospital, just to be sure. When we got home that day, it felt like my whole world came crumbling down. The next day, I went in for a dc.

Itís been 3 weeks now, and I keep wondering if we try again is this going to happen again. The first two times, the pain was easier to deal with. I didn't have the time to be happy and look forward to a child. This time, oh, this time it was so different. We would have had our baby by our 5th anniversary and Christmas. Some days are better, but there are others when itís more than I can take. My husband has wonderful through all this. I could not have made it through this last time without his support.

We have talked it over and decided to try once more, as we are both over 40. Hopefully with God's help we will have the child we both long to have. I'm just so scared. I don't want to go through this again.


sandra






Losing my miracle

I am 36 and had my first child at age 24. At that time I was diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus. The doctors told me I would most likely never get pregnant again. They said that the implantation phase is interrupted somehow. I was sad accepting the news that this one child is all that I would have but thankful I managed to experience being pregnant one time and actually had a baby to show for it.

He was born at 29 weeks and I sat on bed rest from weeks 25 to 29 due to a subchorionic hemorrhage that was 50% around between the placenta and uterus (terribly painful). I never experienced labor. After some testing one day I was told today was his birthday and an emergency C-Section followed. He was 2lbs. 10oz. And yes he survived and was breathing on his own due to the betamethasone steroid injections that I received. He is a true living miracle.

However, it has been 12 years and I found out I was pregnant again. We all said what a miracle this baby is and we couldn't believe that I finally got pregnant after 12 years. I was overwhelmed with joy. I was considered high risk due to the bicornuate uterus and my age of 36yrs. Immediately my OB/GYN wanted an u/s done to reveal which uterus the embryo was in. I was 9 weeks plus a few days then according to their calculation. However, I couldn't understand how I could be 9 weeks when the first two weeks of the month I got pregnant, I was not pregnant yet.

The ultrasound revealed smaller than usual embryo and no heart beat. I panicked! I couldn't believe this was happening. How could there not be a heartbeat when I was experiencing all the symptoms of pregnancy (extreme fatigue, nausea, extreme thirst for water, cravings...all of it). I was in love again with a second miracle. I thought there had to be a mistake. They decided I should come back the next week for another u/s and maybe things were miscalculated based on irregular ovulation.

Within that week, I began to have spotting on the toilet tissue when I went to the bathroom. This was normal for me because I went through this with my first pregnancy. However, it went on all day every time I went to the bathroom. I woke up at 4 a.m. and there was more blood than the previous times. I was in denial that this could really be happening because I managed to actually get pregnant after 12 yrs. of no birth control. This just really couldn't happen. But it was.

I called the Dr.'s office in the morning and they suggested having my hCG levels drawn. My levels had dropped from 17000 to 6000 in exactly one weekís time. I could not believe this news. The cramping and awful pain then began. I kept picturing this beautiful baby girl that I had always dreamed of having and now I was losing her. We wanted this baby so bad. I have never felt so alone. My cramping turned into severe contractions and each time I contracted I would just sit on the toilet while everything I had dreamed of fell into the toilet. I was and still am devastated that this has happened to me.

This happened just 3 days ago and I am going through episodes of crying and mourning this baby that I will never see, never know, never hold, never comfort, never sing to...never do all the wonderful mom things I've done for our son. I'm even more devastated for our 12 yr old son because he has desperately wanted a sibling and just a few months ago told us that all he wanted was a baby sister for his birthday. We thought we had the perfect gift and told him of this baby on his birthday but prepared him that there could be complications as there was with my pregnancy with him.

Every day was about our new baby coming and now it's not. I've never felt more empty and hollow inside in all of my life. My miracle is gone and no miracle will save her or bring her back. I'm now bleeding very lightly and still experiencing cramping and exhaustion from this traumatic loss. I am thankful for all of you sharing your stories as they have helped me realize that I'm not alone and the painful loneliness that I feel, so many other women have felt from losing a child.

Although it does not take away the pain at this painful moment, I am thankful that my child did not have to suffer. My heart aches for all of you who have carried to term or far enough to deliver your baby and have to relive the image of the baby that did not live. I cannot imagine how great your pain must be. I try to rationalize all of this out and I am thankful that I do not have to relive that pain. This is painful enough.

My arms reach out to all of you who have felt this pain and loss and to those these stories will help in the future---My arms are embracing you right now with sympathy for your loss.


deb






doctors don't know why?

This is my second pregnancy and my second abortion. My first, I was excited but at the same time scared. The baby's father didn't want anything to do with me or the baby, I said because he was too much of mommaís boy or in other words a punk to be a man and take reasonability.

After I got over him I was about fifteen weeks. At my seventeen weeks problems started to happen. First my fluid was getting low, then nurses tell me the baby's head was too big for its body. I started going through a melt down crying. Then on my following visit, doctors tell me, "that the baby wasn't growing", another melt down. Third visit my doctor does me an amnio and the doctor put a face. The fluids came out a muddy brown color, he said there could be a possibility that there is a tear in the sack or that the baby is very sick. Results came back and everything was normal.

My last appointment march 16, 2005 doctors told me that the baby wasnít going to make it, that the heart rate was going too fast and that she was going to die in me. March 18 & 19 I get the abortion done.

Second pregnancy Iím happy, Iím having a baby by the man I love and everything goes great. My fluids are good everything is perfect well except that my husband is out of the country. Everybody was happy I had even bought bottles even a baby calendar to keep track for when it was born.

May 23, 2007 one of my appointments and last my doctor couldnít find the heart beat. He took measurements and told me that the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. And I was supposed to be already 10+ weeks. He told me that probably it was the egg that wasnít strong enough.

And I asked him if it was something I did or didnít do or my health, he told me that I am healthy and that nothing I did or didnít do could have prevented this from happening. Just that the egg wasnít strong enough.

Thank you for listening it helped a lot.

Moms To Be Congratulations!
May god bless you.


yudys






My little Angel

In September 2000, 3 weeks before my due date, I had gone to my doctor's appointment, and they said that my baby boy was 5 pounds at the time. When I went to my next check up, the following week at 8am, they noticed there wasn't any heartbeat. The doctor just looked at me without saying a word, and with tears in her eyes. I knew right away there was something wrong.

I was there for a bit, until they knew what to do. She then said that she couldn't find the heartbeat and that I had to be sent to the hospital immediately. I still at that moment didn't understand what was going on, but I got off the bed & headed to the hospital. They actually sent me by myself to take the bus & go to the hospital. They didn't even offer a ride or something of the sort. I was so puzzled that I didn't know what I was doing, but knew I was going to the hospital on the bus. The bus driver didn't charge me to go on & some guy helped me to sit down. They noticed I was in labor, but I really didn't speak to them that much, even after they asked if I was okay. I told them I was in labor.

While I was on the bus, arriving to the hospital, I called my mom to meet me there. She arrived when I did. I was taken to the 3rd floor for a re-check of the heartbeat, but the doctor confirmed that the baby was gone. He said it with tears. I was then taken to the 4th floor where I was prepped for a natural delivery. Even though the baby was gone, I still had to deliver him naturally. By the time I got to the room, it was 11am. A room was prepared for me by the time I arrived there.

I called my husband to let him know, so he could be with me at the time of our loss. My mom stayed with me until my husband arrived. My sister in law had gotten there before he did and spoke to the doctor about my situation. They didn't have any explanations at the time. Finally my husband arrived and stayed with me. We didn't know what to expect. I was given epidural and just had to wait, until it was time for delivery.

I didn't feel anything until the next morning at 9am. I got this sharp pain and just had to push. I couldn't breathe to call out to my husband to get the doctor. He got up, got the doc & I started pushing. My husband was a great support, and saw the baby coming out. He turned his face quick cause he said he saw the baby's head tip back when coming out. He felt sick.

I didn't know what to feel, except cry because of all the pain I was feeling of the loss of my angel. They cleaned him up, and then brought him to me to hold. I held him & spoke to him to let him know that I was sorry for him dying. Even if it weren't my fault, I felt as if something could have been done if caught earlier. The nurse took 2 photos of him & gave it to me. Until this day, I still have them and look at them all the time. I miss him so very much. The nurse also gave me a poem that describes the baby saying good-bye to me for now. Cried when I read it, and still have it. She also gave me funeral & burial arrangement info.

After I left the hospital, the baby was going to be given an autopsy to figure out what happened. During the time, my sister-in law gave me an outfit to bury him in. It was a white christening outfit. I brought it to the hospital, gave it to the nurse & told her to put it on him. I also gave her a baby blanket that my son had for a long time; he was 9 yrs old at the time. It meant so much to him to give to the baby. It put tears in my eyes.

After the autopsy, the only reason they found was that when the baby was born, he was holding the umbilical cord in his hand, and that was the cause of is death. He stopped everything I ate from going to him. I had the baby buried at a cemetery called "baby landĒ in Long Island NY. We had family and friends there supporting us.

I was so paralyzed that I couldn't even put the flowers on his tiny casket. It was so small, that it looked like a doll box. I just felt like grabbing it and opening it & not letting him go. But I knew he was gone from our lives but not our hearts. Until this day I carry him with me in my heart always. I kind sing out loud the song for him: ďMy Heart Will Go On."

You never forget the little face that you held in your arms and thought you were taking home to take care. Always pray for the babies in heaven. They deserve more than that.


MARIAM L DEL VALLE LARA







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