Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
why did this happen to me?
I was 15 about to turn 16 when i found out i was pregnant. I had been dating my boyfriend for over a year and half when we found out. The day we found out was on Christmas day, my mom woke me up to take a pregnancy test because she had her suspitions. When i saw the test say positive im not gonna lie i was kinda scared. I was young and my boyfriend had just graduated over the summer and it was unexpected. We were scared to tell his parents because we didnt know how they would react but it went better than what we expected. So i set up my first doctor appointment to confirm it and make sure everything was going ok, well they were going to run some test and send them out but it was a bad winter and they wasnt able to send them out that day because it was snowing to bad.so they made another appointment for the following week and before that appointment came around i started to cramp. my mom was nervouse that a miscarriage was possible but i never passed anything. So my next appoinment came along and it was my boyfriend me and my mom there in the room they were doing an ultra sound on me and she was showing me my cervix and then she went to where the baby was supposed to be and all it was, was the sack where my baby was supposed to be. She told me she would be right back and when she came back she informed me that i has losted my baby. they said that the sack was still growing but my baby has stopped at a certian point. I couldnt help myself i just balled as soon as she told me. i know i was young but still it hurts to know you had a life growing inside of you and then it gone in the blink of an eye and you will never know why it happened to you. i was healthy and i treated my body right it just didnt make sense but my boyfriend was by my side the whole time and he helped me through it and so did my family. i still think about it till this day but one day i know i will be blessed with a precious baby when the time is right.
my misscariage traumaI would like to share with you my story to help others out there make a well informed decisiion on how they deal with their unfortunate misscariage.
I am a 27 year old mum of 2 and like many women out there ive had my ups and downs in life,then i met my partner Andy who was like a breath of fresh air in my life and took on the role of father to my 2 children from a previous marriage like a duck to water. a year on we decidied to try for a baby of our own and were over the moon when the pregnancy test showed positive we just couldnt keep it quit and had told family and freinds within the week. Like evry woman in the back of my mind i was worried about having a misscariage but after having 2 children already i guess i just never thought it would happen, when i was 9 weeks pregnant i got struck down with flu and i can honestly say i have never been so poorly in all my life i even went into hospital as i actualy thought i wouldnt make it through then night! when in hospital i expressed my concern to the doctors that i was worried the baby wouldnt survive as i had heard a few stories saying what harm having flu can do to an unborn child but i was ensured that babys are strong and i would most deffinatly not have anything to worry about and i was sent home with some paracetamol to help me through the next few days.
Once i started feeling better i phoned the doctors and asked if my first midwife appointment could be brought forward as i was still concernd the baby could have been effected with how poorly i had been and my request was granted so i went at 10weeks pregnant, both myself and andy expressed our concerns and again were dismissed that everything would be ok so we went home and started to plan for the future with the baby, 24hours later i got a phone call from the doctors saying that my blood tests had shown that platlets were llow and could i go to the antenatal unit the following day to have them repeated but was assured that nothing would be wrong so i met with the doctor and talked through what would happen at the birth but still after everything no one suggetsed that i should be sent for a scan just to check that all was ok, trusting the midwifes and doctors we agreed to go home and wait for the 12 week scan. In the mean time we sat home everynight reading all the information from the bounty pack and looking through my notes from the booking in by the midwife and at this point i felt we were in the clear i was just about to turn 3 months pregnant and couldnt wait.
On the morning of the 12 week scan andy and my 2 girls jumped in the car excited to see our baby on the screen and eagerly sat waiting in the hospital, then my name was called and i lyed there so excited and blissfully happy then i saw the look on the sonographers face which said it all i asked if anything was wrong and she asked me if i was sure i was 12 weeks pregnant? i said there was no doubt as we had marked everything down on the calender and knew the exact date of my last period, the sonographer asked me to go to the toilet and then come back for an internal scan and at that point i knew the baby was not ok after the internal scan i was told that i must of lost the baby a good few weeks ago and that the sack had collapsed. My world crumbled around me and i was beside myself with grief crying infront of my 2 other children was traumatic for them which made me feel even worse and poor andy was sat silently sobbing i felt so guilty that i had lost his first child i cant begin to describe how i felt, within minuites we were usherd into a quiet room and i was given my options 1) go home and wait for the bleeding to start 2) have medical management or 3) and a small oporation to remove it but this option was not advised as it entailed anasthetic all i wanted to do at that point was run out of the hospital and jump on a plane to anywhere?? after a while i chose the medical managhement as this was described as the best option and was assured most women just have symptoms of a heavy period. it felt like we had been in thisa little room for hours so i told andy to take the girls to their grandparents as they were getting visably distressed and an hour later i was seen by a doctor who then told me i needed more bllod tests as if my platlets hadnt gone up i wouldnt be able to have any treatment at all. andy and myself returned home and held each other close untill the very next morning we were just lost and diddnt know what it was that we should be doing? we were just numb.
i returned the hospital the next day where they told me my bllod was ok to go ahead with the medical management so there and then i took the first oral tablet and was told to return to the ward on saturday morning to have the 4 vaginal tablets, still distraught with the fact i had lost my baby i went home and started to deal with things happy in the knowledge that i would be well looked after in hospital and that i would not experience much pain, saturday mornign came and 3 hours later than told i was admitted into a nice side room and made comfortable, the doctor came in and explained the procedure again and administerd the 4 vaginal tablets. 2 1/2 hours later i started to feel light contractions that appeard to be getting quicker and more painfull so when the nurse came in to give me my next oral tablet i asked her if its supposed to feel like contractions and she told me that yes of course it is as it is doing exactly the same as being induced would, it was opening my cervix to allow for the baby to pass. well within 15 minuites i felt like i was in full blown labour the pain was so strong i was feeling urges to push and i rememberd the pain being exactly the same when i was in labour with my 2 other children, i rang the nurse call bell and told her i couldnt carry on like this the pain was too much so she came and jabbed my legs with morphine i was trembleing and in tears at how horrific it all was i told the nurse that i was disgusted at how barbaric it all seemed! as if loosing your baby wasnt hard enough they then make you go through full blown labour to pass it. Any woman can deal with the pain of labour when you know your getting your beautiful baby at the end of it all but to go through it and come away with nothing is more painfull than the moment you find out you have had a misscariage. later that day i stood up to go to the loo and out it came and i stood there and looked in amazement i sould see the umbilical cord attatched to the sack which just shocked me to the core im not sure what i was expecting buti asked for it to be taken away as i could not get my head around it all.
when i returned home i was send with misscariage information and right there in black and white i read a paragraph which stated that a cough and cold could not lead to a misscariage but an infection that included a high temperature could in fact be linked to causing a misscariage so my concerns all along when i had flu were correct, i booked an appointment with the doctor at my sergery and vented off alot of frustartion that i felt i should of being correctly informed about the flu and about what to expect with the medical management, she appologised and assured me it would all be looked into and that my next pregnancy will be moniterd fro mthe start, well that just makes it all better then doesnt it!! my consolation for all me and my familt have been through is that next time round they might actualy send us for an earlire scan that 12 weeks!!
My whole point of this story is to give women an insight into what to expect from a mesidicaly managed treatment for missed miscarriage and that if you feel your baby might be at risk from an illness you may have had to push and demand a scan. if i had been given a scan when i first raised my concerns i would of still had to deal with the greif of loosing a baby but it would of been earlier on than 12 weeks and i would not have had my children there excitedly waiting to see their brother or sister . if i had know that i would of experienced full labour i would of most definatly chosen the oporation and i am disgusted with the nhs service for not giving women enough information and i also dont believe its right to make you wait for 12 weeks to have a scan it would save alot of heartache if they offerd it alot earlier
im very sorry if your reding this after just finding out you have lost you precious baby trust me when i say it does get easier, i found it helped me to get something to symbolise my lost baby and i bought a beautiful ring that i wesr with pride and it will never leave my hand and everytime i llok at my finger i can remember my 3rd child that never made it into the world xxx
stillbirthmy name is elsa and i had a stillborn baby on jan,25,11 he was gonna be my 1st baby boy out of 3 girls.on jan 24th dr told me there was no heart beat,n the next day dileverd a stillborn baby.thereis no reason for this to happen so how can i deal with all this pain in my heart...please help!!
I feel so guiltyI had a traumatic miscarriage 2 days ago. I was 12 weeks 2 days pregnant. At 7 weeks I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemmorhage. The dr assured me it was not going to be a problem. However, I continued to have bleeding and cramping. I had weekly ultrasounds because I was sure there was something wrong. Every time the hemmorhage was bigger. The day before my miscarriage I had an ultrasound abd the baby was swimming around happily. The heart beat was great. it made me feel better because I had it in my mind that i would be safe once I hit 12 weeks. The next day I started bleeding and cramping worse. I went to the ER and started to gush blood and have contractions. The nurse sent me into the bathroom with a towel and a container to "collect" whatever I passed. As soon as I sat on the toilet a huge clot came out. I reached down to try and get it for the nurse and there was my baby. Perfect little hands with teeny fingers, little feet, little eyes, a tiny little mouth. I was absolutly devestated. My little baby was just moving around hours before on the ultrasound. I beleive that the growing hemmorhage was a clot and that it somehow triggered the miscarriage. I know what the doctors say but I know thats it. I cannot help but feel like my body betrayed my little baby who was obviously trying to live and grow. I am so very sad.
Too beautiful for EarthWords escape me.. nothing can describe what I feel. My baby Sophia is gone. I was not quite 42 weeks pregnant & in labor when I received the news. They couldn't find her heartbeat, I tried so hard to breath differently: long low, high fast, normal. But it did not matter, no matter how I tried to change my breath, I could not make her heartbeat. Not a damn thing wrong w/ me. The whole time 42 weeks of the right blood pressure, feeling her move, her heartbeat in the 140s and the begining of birth was the end of her life. My first hello was my last goodbye. It is so mixed up, I was worried about diaper changes and the dogs staying out of Sophia's room. I was worried about her crying and not breastfeeding, but I never worried about her heart... I, I feel like a failure, I was her protector, I'm her mom & I couldn't get that little heart to beat, it's all my fault. She was alive at 40 weeks, why didn't I just have a C-section then? If I had only known something like this was possible I would have. Sophia was my first beautiful child, and now I don't know what to do. Sometimes I want to have another, other times I just can't stomache the thought of risking this again. I don't know what to do - I have moments when I think I am a murderer, others when I know there was nothing I could have done. I am so happy that God has taken her to heaven. At times I tell God that she needs to eat soon or ask to check in on her & see if she is alright, does she need me? Other times I ask if I can hold her. For a while I couldn't look at anything baby - TV commercials, shows/movies, people out to eat w/ infants, strollers, life ~ everything reminded me of my reality. Now it has gotten a bit better... she has been gone from me for almost 9 weeks, and I finally can look at famillies once more without an emotional breakdown, now I can keep it in my thoughts. Everyday I have told God to tell my baby I love her... so God tell Sophia Mommy & Daddy love her.
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