Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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twins


well i have had 2 babies one was born at term the other was born early at 24 weeks due to pre eclamsia but this time i was pregant with twins and was very excited and couldant wait, i had a lot of trips to the hospital due to bleeding all the time but my babies grew until i was about 18 weeks i started wetting myself alot and the hospital said i was incontinent which was strange but went home and that night i started to bleed and was told one of the babies water had broken but could be alright but at 21 weeks i went into labour and i had to give birth to both my babies which was just awful giving birth was suppost to be wonderful but for me holding my babies was just not right i had a boy and a girl and they died in my arms just a short time after i had them.

rachel






I want this baby

I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I waited five years before we decided to try. I was so nervous that it would take months or even years to conceive. I have an older sister who tried for five years before she had her first.

We decided to try in August and come September I was pregnant. What a relief we were overjoyed and thrilled. Over the next few weeks everything was going great. I heard the beat of the smallest heart I have ever heard. I am a pediatric nurse so I have heard a lot of them none as sweet as I heard during my sonogram.

Two days ago I went for a routine visit and there was silence . I had no bleeding, no cramping, and I was even vomiting the night before. What happened ??????????????? I wanted answers was it something I did? I cried my eyes out until I thought I couldn't cry anymore.
My husband and family are great they reassure me that we will try again and 30% of women miscarry once. Someday I know I will have children even if I have to adopt as my Mother says, "there is always a child out there for you to love."
But what about this baby I feel like people act as if it never exsisted. That I can just replace it. I really wanted this one! It's name was suppossed to be Lily or Logan and as my 5 year old niece said " Your baby is cute" as she looked at my 8 week sonogram picture. Clearly she is so sweet, because we all love our little 8 weeker's because they are part of us but I wouldn't say they are cute.
I just feel that I am having a hard time expressing my feelings because everyone tells me it wasn't meant to be, you can try again. It certainly felt like it was meant to be me. I know I can try again but little Lily or little Logan died.

KC






yeah...i'm 41

I fee l the pain of the young mommies and mommies-to-be out there....but what about us, the ones who didn't find the husbands until later in life? I just miscarried at 6 weeks. We went thru all the "best chance" channels: IVF with PGD testing. We implanted 2 girl embryos. How did it not work? We can try again in Dec. but I am worried that I can conceive but not carry. I've been a teacher for 20 years and spend each day with little children; why can't I have my own child? Good luck to the young mommies, but try to imagine your life in 20 years: how would you feel without a child? Start trying NOW! This was the advice my cousin gave me when we got engaged 2 and 1/2 years ago. I wish I had heeded her advice!

Peg






My Regret

about a year ago i was pregnant. my boyfriend at that time had always told me that he wanted a baby and promised me the world. the day we had 9 months together was the same day he broke up with me. so 2 weeks after that i found out i was pregnant. my plans were to not let him know but i felt that he needed to know because if my baby was to ever ask for his dad i wasnt just going to tell him "i dont know," so i told him.

first thing he said was "lose it, lose it" and every time he repeated the same thing i cried even harder. he would just say "we know how your parents are and they would press charges on me and have me locked up and i want see my baby grow" i know it was all Bull S. but i believed him and i thought about it but then i thought that i could do it on my own. but since i believed his dumb lies, all i could do is go along with what he said.

but a couple days after that i decided to keep my baby. i didnt care of any risk, or if my family hated me. and once the day came when i had to leave to mexico for my 15th birthday thats when i started panicing. with all the stress and everything. so before we left that day he wanted to give me some pills and i said "no am keeping it, i dont care and am sorry" so once we were over in mexico with all the stress, pain and depression i just felt like i couldnt take it anymore.

so one day i started getting really bad cramps, and since i didnt want to let anybody know what was going on i just took the pain. so that night i feel asleep and i woke up in the middle of the night and i saw blood all over the bed sheets. there was questions going through my head, why? how could this happen?...so i never knew why i actually lost my baby which at that time i was 2 months.

so the day that i called him the first thing he asked was "so hows your stomache?" meaning did you lose it like i told you to... all i did was cry and i couldnt answer his question so i just hanged up. how could he ask me such a question without feeling?...i was so hurt...but i now think of how i regret of meeting him, talking to him, going out with him...i regret even 'till this day...i forgive him after all that his done...hurting me by cheating on me, so many lies, and all those things that his so good at faking.

he still tries to talk to me but i know why, because Karma got to him. she doesnt love him and she's cheated on him and he has to respond for a baby that might not be his...they've been together for a while and she's pregnant, she's due January. so now i think that could of been me. not to long ago she called me asking for help, saying if his ever threatin me and i said "no" all she says is "well he does and he hits me" i feel bad even though she cheated on him because he knows she cant really hit him back if she's pregnant. and what he tells me is that he thanks me for putting up with his crap when we were together and that he regrets on telling me to lose my baby, he thinks he knows about how i lost it but till this day he doesnt know and i know once i tell him i would hurt him.

but for as much as i still care for him i would never get with a guy who puts a hand on his girlfriend with bad intentions. i know that one day i will find love but not with him, even though he begs for another chance but how could i if his hit a girl and his about to be a dad.

Thanks for reading my story...
i hope that we all have learned from our mistakes and the lust that we've lived.
and for those that have their man by their side...i wish you good luck and happiness!!

Luv, ale

ale






Never Again, Again

I have just turned 31, have been blessed with two beautiful boys ages 8, and 4, and am lucky enough to be married to my best friend for the last six years, after a disasterful first marriage. I should feel as if I have everything, yet instead I feel incomplete. I have had four miscarriages, with two in almost exactly eleven months.

It was Feb. of 2000 when I found out I was pregnant again. I will admit, it was the last thing I wanted at the time. I had my first son, two and a half years old, and a first husband that was violent as always, I was 14 weeks along, and it had been that long since we had shared the same room, let alone bed. He was moving out (thank God), and I was finally free. When I found out I was pregnant, my best friend (now my husband), told me not to look back. He said I could raise this baby with my first husband having visititation, as I had planned with my son. He knew my first husband well, probably better than I. I told my first husband, he promised this big change, yada yada ya.... until 4 1/2 weeks later he came home drunk and turned down. Long story short, he took his anger out on me and our baby. At 19 weeks, our son died and so did our marriage.

About six months later I started dating my best friend, whom had been my support throughout all this and more.
We were married soon after. In Nov. 2001 we found out I was pregnant again. This time it was a joyous occasion. My husband had never been happier, and went out and bought maternity clothes the next day. At ten weeks pregnant, I started spotting. We went to the hospital and found out we were having twins. The doctor did the sonogram and we heard the sound of one very loud heartbeat, which alarmed me, but the doctor said was fine. He said that they were mirror twins, having one heartbeat, with one directly behind the other. We were twice blessed, and twice as happy.

At the end of January 2002, I was still working, feeling good, and looking ahead. My doctor told me I had no reason for concern, even though my first son was born at 32 weeks, and I had been in pre term labor the last 8 weeks of that pregnancy. I went to work one evening feeling great. I was an hour away from getting off work when I felt something wet. I excused myself hastily, went to the bathroom, and realized my water had broke. Before I had a chance to do anything else, I started bleeding alot. Seconds later, I dispelled something that I wasn't sure what it was. I called my hubsnd whom rushed me to the hospital. The doctor there was so cold. He did a pelvic exam and told me that my cervix was dialated and that I had a miscarriage. When I told him I was pregnant with twins, his reply was " correction, then you've had 2 miscarriages ". He sent the expelled stuff to the lab and said he would let me know the results.

Meanwhile, they did an ultrasound. The most amazing thing in the world was hearing my youngest son's heartbeat. I turned to my husband and saw my own tears in his eyes. The sonogram tech was so wonderful. She tried to be as optimistic as possible when telling us that we still had one baby left. My feelings were mixed, I was overjoyed that one baby had made it, but saddened that the other had died. When the doctor came in he was yet again awful, saying "I was right, you had A miscarriage, the lab work came back, and that was the first fetus". He then went on to tell me that I would most likely lose the other baby within a few days and to let nature take its course. I guess the Lord had other plans, because the baby made it. He was early and has some learning difficulties, but he is here and a blessing everyday.


Eighteen months ago, I was assaulted while walking home. At the hospital they took a blood test, said I wasn't pregnant, and also said based on the time period, the morning after pill was not necessary. A few months later, I found out I was pregnant. I now am sure I knew it long before then, but was scared. My husband and I were not as we had once been, so the chance of it being his child was impoosible. Sometimes I think it was my own animosity towards the baby that caused her death.

My husband was great about it, better than I would have been in his shoes, even better than I personally was. He said he would support me no matter what choice I made. Abortion was never an option, but adoption was. He told me to think about it carefully as I still had time and if I choose to keep the baby, he would raise and love it like his own as he has been doing with my first son. It didn't matter to him that the baby would be bi-racial or not look like him, he said if I could look in that baby's eyes and not see my attacker, then so could he. The problem was, I have never been sure I could have, and I have never been sure that I didn't let the baby die.

Two days before last Thanksgiving, At 27 weeks along, I started having some pains in my low back. I had been sick since the night before, but that was commen in my pregnancies. My stomache began getting cramps, but I attributed it to having issues with bowel movements as that had been a problem for a couple weeks. A few hours later, my water broke with a mix of bright red blood. It was already too late. As we went to the hospital, the contractions were fierce. The hospital got me up to labor and delivery. I was dialated to eight and a half by then. I spent the next hour delivering a little girl whose cries I wculd never hear and whose face i will never forget.

That was eleven months ago. I said I was never going to get pregnant again, the pain being too much when you love and lose. We have taken every precaution since then. Two weeks ago my period was late. I didnt say anything to my husband not sure. The night before last, we went fishing on our boat. After we docked, I went to the restroom feeling sick. I realized I was bleeding and knew there was trouble. My husband knocked on the door, despite me telling him not to come in, he did and knew something was wrong, although he wasn't sure what. We went to the hospital and the doctor said I was dialated again. The blood test showed an HCG level of much less that it should have been at six and a half weeks. The sonogram showed that I had an incomplete miscarriage. There is still blood and pain, but I opted not to have the D&C. I have passed a few clots, but not the sac yet. I think its punishment for not being happy about the last time. I know this time is the last time. For me, pregnancy is always high risk, and I am not in my 20's anymore. More so i can not take anymore. The last year and a half have been horrible and two babies gone is too much in less than a year. Now this is definetly never again.

kristina







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