Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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Intuition


Right from the VERy beginning I knew I was pregnant, and in this I was not alone. I never felt so certain about something like I did about this, and my boyfriend felt the same way. I began having early signs of pregnancy. Sore swollen breasts, light cramping, headaches, neasea, and fatigue. I've never had premenstral signs like this before, so it just confirmed the pregnancy for me. When I was in my third week I side swiped my van into a telephone pole and was highly stressed since the vehicle was not mine. About an hour and a half after the accident I felt like something in me popped and I panicked. I just knew I misscarried with the same certainty I knew I was pregnant. I rushed home and layed down, hoping that I was wrong. I woke up around twelve am to a phone call and talked for a while, then lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep. My cramps were a little more sharp and painful then before, and at four o'clock in the morning I started to bleed. First it was watery, the next morning it was really dark and heavy... How do I tell my boyfriend this?






realizing it never was

I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child on August 28th 2006, I was happy and nervous at the same time. But I just had this un-nerving feeling that something wasn't right. I felt ok, just had that feeling of impending doom though that I couldn't shake. On September 10th I felt the sharpest pain under my pelvic bone in my lower abdomen, it was concentrated not all over, just in one spot in the center, a sharp stabbing like twinge is how I can best describe it.

I went to the ER it was so horrible, and being so early along I hadn't seen a doctor yet, had an appt scheduled though for the 28th. They did an ultrasound and could find the gestational sac, they told me I was only around 4 weeks along, under 5 weeks for sure. That was impossible I knew because I knew when I ovulated, knew when I could concieve, knew my last period etc. so I go home, the pain stopped in the ER and I felt ok, just still the feeling something wasn't right.

I started having some brown spotting the next day, I thought it was from the exam, I wasn't too concerned about it. No cramps, barely any spotting at all just enough to notice a little. It was off and on for the next few weeks, then I started having a little more of it on the 3rd of Oct. and knew I had to go back to the ER. (appt went fine by the way...) my hcg levels were still climbing, but the sac was the same size it was on the first ultrasound and they saw no sign of anything in it, it was an empty sac. So while I should have miscarried weeks before I was still carrying what I had been thinking was a baby this whole time.

The ER doc sends me to a clinic the very next day for a d & c, which I was terrified of but had to muster the courage to even go for. So, I go. The doctor refuses to do it and insists I miscarry naturally. I had concerns about infection and the pain of a miscarriage, he told me tylenol would take care of it. I go home upset and frazzled because now I have to wait for a miscarriage. I cried because I had been looking at baby clothes and expecting another baby. I was getting used to the idea of having another little one around.

On the 7th I had another horrible pain this time like cramps, and more bleeding but still brown, turning red. I go back to the ER because its still not happening and I was feeling terrible. They recommend an ER but the doctor that I saw in the clinic was supervising that night and he refused. They gave me some pain medication which temperarily relieved the physical pain but there wasnt much more then they could do. I took the medication for the next 2 days (they dont give much) and then a few nights later, last night, I started feeling the most horrific pain I have ever felt in my life, and started bleeding heavily, passing clots and lots of blood. Knowing what the ER would do, I stayed home and delt with it. Knowing they might want to see what is expelled I used a jar to catch some when the pain was worst, and there is an empty sac about the size of an egg yolk. I had to double check to make sure its really really empty, but I still feel like I lost something, still feel so empty. That was last night, and the pain and bleeding hasn't subsided and there is nothing I can do but suffer in pain over what I didn't have in the first place and over the physical pain. I am greatful though that it was empty, and that it wasn't further along because it would feel so much more horrible and my heart goes out to all of you women and your families that suffer the loss of a life, no matter how tiny it is.






timing

This is a long and boring story, but I think it will help me. So here it is. I was barely 17 when i moved in with my new boyfriend, who was quite older than me. For years our relationship revolved around drinking and drugs. At 22, I finally ended the cycle and cleaned up. Became an E.M.T., we bought a house..blah blah blah. He never straightened out, I ended up leaving, at 24.(with plans of "maybe " going back and working things out) 6 months after leaving (we still had "visits") I had a strange period, didnt really end, light constant bleeding. Took 2 tests...both positive. Went to the E.R., found out I was pregnant and miscarrying in the same day. I cant beleive the grief, pain and just sadness...when I didnt even know I was pregnant. It just happened on Sun. Oct 8th. I was actually told I was going through a "threatened" miscarriage, but the bleeding has increased, as well as the pain. Its a terrible thing to go through. So I feel for you mothers that knew you were pregnant, and have been expecting the child. As for me...ill be ok.

Kat






my m and m pregnancys

i took a home pregnancy test on 24th april 06 and it came back positive. at 19 id been with my partner 4 years just got our own place in the february and i found out i was 5 week pregnant. we began to think this was a blessing and was meant to be new home new baby. until at 7 week i had some spotting andi was refered for an early scan.

The scan showed nothing , at 8 week you could see no heartbeat no sac no nothing exept my breasts were swollen i had morning sickness my tests came back positive my hcg levels were increasing i was told that there was a chance i was carring twins and that i maybe losing one, i didnt know how to feel i didnt know what to tell anyone i didnt want to see anyone.

a week later i had an internal scan which showed what i was going through was in fact known as molar pregnancy, dealing with fact that i had lost one and have another i could get around but this was another , a baby wasnt actually there just the sac. I was taken into hospital to have what was there removed, that i were been refered to a specialist at sheffield as 1 in 1000 women suffer from this pregnancy and was very rare .

my partner and my family and friends were very supportive to me i had a few week off work to get my head around things i had to send my weekly urine samples off to sheffield to monitor my hcg levels to make sure the mole did not come back , contraception was difficult i cud only use condoms as the other contraception have hormones in them which i had to avoid to monitor my levels and also avoid pregnancy for 6 month to also monitor my hcg level.

a period came and it were an emotional feeling as i hadnt been having them and it was confirming my body was getting back to its self until the next month i missed my period i genuinely believed that my molar had come back until the day i found out my grandfather had died i had a scan which showed it was infact a new pregnancy and at 6 week 2 days we saw a heartbeat.

i was excited i just knew this was ment to be not that this was a replacement for the child i had just lost but because it was ment to be there for a reason.
telling everyone was difficult some people even thought i was still carrying the first. weeks went by and after the 10th week i cooled down and not worried as much until i went to my 11week scan.

i was exited as my partner had never seen the babies heartbeat,and was never going to neither because at 8 week 1 day i had missed misscarried the child,with no bleed no abdominal pain no nothing you do feel helpless heartboken why you in the space of 4 month why did i have to have both my children taken away?

i somethings think to make my self feel better that the first took the other because it was lonely but i know it was to soon and maybe i wasnt ready my partner is difficult to talk to about it ,and you know so much has happened i just havnt had time to grieve for my first loss never mind my second.

i feel for women like myself because i know what its like and is really hard to come to terms with, both my sister in laws are pregnant with no job no partner drink and smoke and it really hurts as they are sailing through their pregnancys with out a care in the world.

I know now for the next 4 month i must be so careful as i do not want to get caught and things go wrong i understand i am still young im coming up to 20 but it wouldnt of made a better mum if i was older or younger and people always say "your still young" well maybe i do have that advantage but they have to remember i wanted them children at what ever age.

i do wonder what sex they would be defenatly boys as men cause us women nothing but trouble and it can make me laugh but i v have changed i have become slightly cold maybe heartless but its from what iv been through but it has made me a stronger person and out of it all i appriciate my partner alot more

we have lost 2 children but if i was to lose him id be that lost i would lose myself!!!!!!

queeny






Teen Miscarriage

In life, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is obvious, sometimes we will be sure to find out in the future and sometimes we will never know. Whatever happens we must know we are never alone and I write this reflection of my personal experience in the hope that I provide comfort for women who are in similar situations, especially teenagers.

Having never had a serious boyfriend and not being in a relationship I was in complete shock to find out I was pregnant. Seventeen years old and still in school, coincidentally receiving and offer for university that same week, my life had taken a complete u-turn in a few short days. I admit that abortion had crossed my mind but my moral beliefs would not allow it. I knew that with the support and love of close friends and family, this baby could have a wonderful life. Having a baby would change my life but would certainly not ruin it.

In my mind I began preparing for motherhood as a single parent. My family and friends were fantastic and it was this situation that made me realise just how much I was loved! However, 8 weeks into the pregnancy I noticed light bleeding. Looking back, I realise that in my heart, I knew I had lost the baby but did not wish to believe it. My hopes clung onto the fact that my own mum had told me how she experienced light bleeding for the first three months during her pregnancy with me. To my distraught the bleeding got heavier and I was taken in for a scan the next morning.

As I lay on the bed for my ultrasound, I knew that this was the moment of truth. As my heart cried silently, my hopes remained strong. I prayed that my baby had received strength from somewhere to cling onto its life. Time was still, this was the longest moment of my life. I wished so much, more than words could express, to see my baby growing and forming inside of me. To hear the nurses reassure me everything was perfectly normal and to even feel a little foolish for making a fuss over nothing. Unfortunately, this was not the case and I was informed I had had a
complete miscarriage. For the second time in a few short weeks my life had performed a complete u-turn.

Whilst I blamed myself and vigorously tried to work out what I had done wrong, my parents had a sense of relief about them. I know that they were relieved as they wanted me to have a normal teenage life and not be tied down with the responsibility of a child, but I wish that they would understand that just as they wanted the best for me, I wanted the best for my child. Over the next few weeks my emotions were mainly of confusion. Often, I believe an unplanned pregnancy which results in pregnancy loss is harder to deal with as you have an emotional period to go through into accepting the pregnancy only to have that taken away again. My grief for my child was agonising but I chose to keep it mainly to myself.

The reason I kept my grief mainly to myself was because I was under the impression that at 17 I should have been blessed to have had a miscarriage. I was confused as I felt the complete opposite! Never in my life had I felt so much love for anybody other than my unborn child. Some may argue I was just a child myself but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I had an overpowering desire to protect, care and provide for my baby and love them unconditionally! Never in my life had I truly felt what love actually is! I had thought I was in love, yes, but up until this moment I had not actually realised that love is so much more, there was nothing in this world I would not have done for this baby, my baby! To have a miscarriage was truly heartbreaking. Although only being in my life for a few weeks, life without this baby seemed pointless and I felt empty without them.

I wanted to honour my child’s individuality and so I called them ‘Jaimie’. This made the grieving process easier as I was not grieving the loss of ‘it’. My only consolation was that, despite circumstances, I had given this child the chance of life when I could so easily have taken a trip to an abortion clinic.

As I write this account I admit that I have not got over my loss, but I have learnt to live with it. Having a miscarriage forced me to question the purpose of life. I came to the conclusion that we are all here on earth for our own individual reasons but each to learn the lessons of love, happiness, life and fear. Perhaps Jaimie was privileged enough to have learnt these lessons so quickly. It is this conclusion that gives the comfort and hope to move on with my life and learn my lessons so that one day I will be with my baby again.

Not a day goes by when I do not think of Jaimie and the way things could have been but I am thankful to Jaimie for coming into my life and making me a better person. I am now motivated and compelled into life as I have been made aware of how short it can be. I believe that it does not matter how young you are, if you have the love to share with a child, then you will be the best mother there can be.

The one thing we must all remember, although it may not be of any consolation at the time is that: our past shapes our future and we are who we are because of the events that took place in our lives. No child will ever replace the one we lost but life goes on and we must accept that fact, no matter how painful.

JM







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