Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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Coping


I'm hoping by writing this I will be able to cope more with my feelings and also share with others that, 'more than one' is more usual than I'd first thought .....

At 34 my husband and I have been trying to start a family for 7 months. In that time I have had two miscarriages, both at 7 weeks.

On both occassions I was overjoyed to see the two blue lines on the pregnacy test. The first time I went to the Drs and as I started to spot at 6 weeks was told it was normal, and to go home and see the midwife the following week. By the time I was due to see her, the bleeding was heavier and I was sent for a scan. By then there was nothing to see, I had miscarried. I felt like a fraud. I had suffered no serious pain (very weak back ache), I had one significant blood loss when I was very aware that I had lost the pregnacy. I was sat at the clinic on my own, (because I thought I could cope and tried to see it as 'natures way') when inside I was feeling like my world was turning upside down.

Last month once again, I was elated to find that I was pregnant. At five weeks I had a brown dischrage, this time I saw another GP. I told him about my previous miscarriage and was met with 'well - it's too early to do anything.' I was given absolutely no advice, support, not even told to go back at all!! Needless to say I sat in my car in floods of tears. I continued to spot for 2 weeks. Asking to see a different GP I was referred, once again for an early scan, once again I mscarried the day before I had my appointment. This time as before I had no pain. The evening before the scan, I lost the pregancy so quickly that I was physically sick. At least this time at the scan (I had an internal) it was clear that I had been pregnant. This happened 6 days ago.

Growing up, everything is about not getting pregnant, particulalry as I have until the last year put my career and building a stable home first. It never entered my head that getting pregnant and miscarrying would come to be one of the hardest and most important things I have dealt with.

I am lucky, my husband is incredibly supportive, but I am finding that I am giving myself a hard time for being upset, I am constantly tearful and am finding it so hard not to be angry. My mind is telling me that Im ok and having looked into the information about having more than one miscarriage I've realised that thisis much more common than I first thought.

My heart is wanting to hold the two babies that I have lost. We have planted a rose bush in the garden, as it grows it will remind us of the lives that weren't meant to be here this time but are always with us in our hearts.

Hayley






My Precious Baby

I took a home pregnancy test on September 8th, 2006, and it came out positive. My husband and I have 3 healthy beautiful children 10, 4, and 2. I have never had any problems throughout any of my pregnancies. My husband and I were not trying to conceive and at first we were in total shock. After the shock wore off, we were so excited! We usually wait awhile before we tell everyone, but we had never had any problems with pregnancies before so we told everybody that we were expecting our 4th blessing!

On September 12th, I started having period-like cramps which slowly turned into a horrendous cramp that just seemed like it wouldn't go away. I should've gone to the Dr then, but my regular had moved so I was in-between Dr's. I thought, at first, that maybe if I just took it easy everything would be OK. Later on that day, the cramping subsided and I felt better. The next day the horrendous cramping was back, but then dissipated once again. By then I was thinking, maybe I wasn't really pregnant and my period was getting ready to start.

I took another home pregnancy test on September 15th and it still read positive. I had 4 days of the most horrible pain ever, but still it was only cramping and I had no bleeding or spotting. The afternoon of the 15th, the cramping was so bad that I took a bath to try and see if that would make the cramping go away. I have never had anything like this happen to me and at this point I hadn't been to the Dr yet so I wasn't for sure if I was pregnant. Anyway, about 30 minutes after I took a bath, the cramping was horrible and I started to spot...nothing major...just a little bit. I didn't really think anything of it because I knew that even if I was pregnant sometimes light spotting happens within the first few months. Then I felt a gush...I went to the bathroom and saw quite a bit of blood. I thought to myself...well, maybe the tests were wrong and this is just a regular period starting (even though it was rather unusual, but I had never had a miscarriage before...how was I to know?). I bled and cramped for the next week...thinking that I was just having a regular period.

Then on Friday, September 22, 2006, I was trying to figure out what to make for dinner...which was really hard because I was cramping so bad that I could hardly stand up! I felt something pass and I just knew, at that time, what had happened. I went to the bathroom and there was a lump of tissue in my pad. My stomach was cramping SO bad...I FREAKED out and yelled for my husband...and I put what was left of my baby in a baggie to take to the ER with me to confirm what I knew in my heart. I felt so numb. The ER took my blood and it showed that I had the pregnancy hormone. They examined me and said that I should be fine and confirmed that I had a miscarriage. I was about 6 weeks along. We went back home and I went to my room, closed the door, and just cried my heart out!

For me, my pregnancy confirmation came when I went to the ER to find out that I lost my baby. I had been in horrendous, agonizing physical pain for about a week and a half. That pain has subsided, the bleeding is now gone, but I feel this HUGE emptiness inside. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I have tried to stay strong for my other 3 kids, but sometimes the tears come when I'm least expecting it.

Two weeks after we had told everyone that we were expecting our 4th blessing...we had to tell everyone that we lost our precious baby!

I found this website and thought it would help me and others to share my story. I know that my baby is now in God's loving arms and that's the best place to be. It doesn't make the pain and hurt any less, but knowing my baby is in a better place brings me comfort.

I was blessed with a 4th little life that grew inside me for 6 weeks. I needed to share the precious life that grew inside of me even for just a little while. I love you, my precious baby, and will never forget!

Faith






Loss of our little one

My husband and I were so excited to find out we were pregnant after three months of trying. I have endometriosis so we thought it would be very difficult to concieve. A few days after I found out I was pregnant I started spotting. I called the doctor and he brought me in for blood work. Everything was fine, but the doc. told me to take it easy. I spotted on and off for the next few weeks. Doc pulls me in again for blood work ,and again everything is good. They schedule an early ultrasound just to "ease my mind" my husband and I were delighted to see our little babys heartbeat. I finally was able to relax. Two weeks later we go in for my nine week check up on my birthday. We had a whole day planned. We do an ultrasound to check on the baby, and there was no heartbeat. The baby had died at six and a a half weeks. We were devestated. I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me. My doctor stayed late to do the d and c for me that night. I have never felt so special as I did when I was pregnant. I know that a new baby will be the only thing that will fill this hole in my heart. I feel for every woman who has lost a baby, and pray that we will all have a healthy baby someday.

Eve






Our little Angel

We started ttc immediately after we got married and were both pretty surprised on how quickly we concieved. We tested faintly postive hpt, then was confirmed by low hcg & progesterone levels, they were doubling perfectly, then we had spotting around 6 weeks that developed into passing really big clots, to find out that we had a subchorioninc hemorrhage, but with regular chkups the heartrate was getting stronger, then at our 9 week exam everything looked great, the hemorrhage was leaving, and the heartbeat was 167bpm, was told to come back in 3 weeks for a full ob workup, well a week later my preg, symptoms were gone, I called my dr's office, and my nurse said this was normal nearing the 2nd trimester, so we feared nothing til 9/17/06 I started spotting again, thought it was just the rest of the hemorrhage leaving, then monday 9/18 started to cramp, but no bleeding, this was a weird cramp too, different from a menstrual, then tues, woke up really early cramping, went to bathroom, and there was a million tiny red clots, so I call dr's office, get dr on call, and was told to go in as soon as office opened at 8am for ultrasound, after sitting there waiting for a few hours, we finally get the u/s, only to see that there is no longer a heartbeat, and the baby stopped developing at 9 weeks 5 days, the dr said I had the choice of waiting to miscarry naturally, or opt for a d&c, which they can send tissue off for chromosone testing, we opted for D&C, I couldn't stand the thought of carrying around my dead baby any longer. It has now been a week and day and it hurts, like it just happened. We have stopped bleeding now but still have another week to wait, before we know anything, or see our dr, again, or even ttc. I am so very sorry to all the women who have gone through this painful process of life. You are all in my prayers

Shannon






Hope Found, Hope Lost

I am a Type 1 (insulin dependent...for 10 years) diabetic & I was diagnosed with endometriosis in Nov. 2005. The doctor basically said, "You have 3 choices. 1) Go on Lupron (a shot that basically makes you go into pre-menopause but it is said to help with the growth of endometriosis), 2) Go on Birth Control, or 3) Try to get pregnant. My husband & I decided to go with #3 b/c we eventually wanted kids & being in our mid-20's, well, we thought that now's a better time than ever (we'd been married for about 1.5 years at that point). So, crazy enough, first try in February...we get pregnant! Literally...first try! You can't imagine how shocked we were to be pregnant from the very first time of trying, when all that we've heard tells us that endometriosis can give you fertility problems, etc, etc. So...being a diabetic, they monitored me closely...

On Tuesday, April 4th...I'm at work & I notice a bit of spotting when I go to the bathroom. The whole time I was pregnant I kept having this nagging feeling of, "I'm going to lose this baby...I just know it!" Well, I finally get in to the dr. & basically, they say, "Your baby doesn't have a heartbeat." My heart dropped. I was 10.5 weeks, so close to being out of that stupid 1st trimester...they said the heartbeat stopped at around 9.5 weeks or so...I had a D&C on Wednesday, April 5, 2006.

Well, it's been 5.5 months...almost 6....and still no luck with pregnancy. I think what kills me, is that each day I sit back & ask...why was it so easy that first time, & now nothing? For months, I had to watch (or at least what felt like) everyone get pregnant around me. Literally, I probably know 10 different people that have gotten pregnant since then. My sister in law was pregnant (3.5 weeks ahead of me)...she just delivered last week. I had such bittersweet feelings holding that beautiful baby.

We found out our baby was a girl & she would have had Turner's Syndrome (a chromosomal abnormality...& often times, the reason why a woman miscarries...chromosomal abnormalties). I know that it's not realistic, but I like to think of my baby as perfect. I would have loved her no matter what she had....

So, here we are, almost 6 months later. I decided to call my baby Hope (she symbolized Hope for me...so the name seemed appropriate in her death). I think about her every day...wondering if she would have ever really known how much her dad & I loved her...if she would have ever known how much excitement we had when we first found out about her...wondering what her hands would have looked like, or her nose, her eyes. I wonder a lot of things...but mostly, I wonder why I had to lose my Hope.

Time has made it a little easier but I don't want to ever forget her...I still miss her & think of her everyday but I also know that I still have some glimpse of Hope that we'll have another lil girl someday & that we can tell her about her lil sister that she would have had...

I find a lot of comfort in music. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote this beautiful song about losing someone you love and I thought maybe it will give someone else hope for their loss. I grieve with all of you..I've read a lot of your stories & I just want you to know that we all have to keep clinging to hope, b/c without it, what is there? I by no means want to diminish ANYONE's pain...trust me, I'm still in the midst of it myself, but I know that without having some hope, then all of our stories are just a bunch of pain with no real rainbow to look for after the rain. I pray that each of you find healing, peace of mind, comfort, & hope...even on the days when it feels like you are never going to stop hurting & when it feels like no hope can be found...

"With Hope" (Steven Curtis Chapman)
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

L.







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