Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
My little angel has gone
I was at the end of my eleventh week, the very next day I was starting my twelfth week.... nothing at that state was suggesting me that something could be wrong. I have two children, a girl of 4 and half and a boy of two and half, and haven't had any problems when I was pregnant with them....
It was 8 p.m. and before calling my husband and tell him to get ready for work (he was on a night shift) I went to the toilet. I didn't turn the light on but in the darkness I could see something dark on my pad and felt a pain which was very similar to a period pain. I turned the light on and saw blood on my pad and I didn't like the look of it... I said to my husband I wanted to to the hospital and have a check ... he could go to work I was sure that maybe it was due to me having done too much in the house that day..
I got ready and took the children with me.... I was given a scan : the doctor turned the screen to me and said "here's your baby and where I've got my finger you can see his little heart beating." She moved the finger and suddenly changed expression on her face... I didn't quite notice that straight away because more than the heart beating I was looking at the perfection of that little human being... his profile, his little fingers and toes, his little body floating in the water....
She quickly turned the screen towards her and kept on checking.... I sensed something was wrong but I thought she could tell me my baby had an abnormality .... nothing could have prepared me for what she did say instead : she took my hand and said "I'm sorry but there's no heart beating." She was sure but she wanted a second opinion and because that next monday was a bankholiday (that night was a friday) I had to wait until the following tuesday for a second scan.... I had to wait 4 long days with my baby dead inside me.....
They took my children away from the room : my little girl had seen her dead brother or sister on the screen ... that was killing me inside. I went home but I kept on taking the wrong turn ... God knows how I managed to get back home... Forced myself to get my little ones ready for bed then sat on the sofa in the dark waiting for my husband to come back and break the news ....
Those four days have been hell for both of us but mainly for me.... I still had my baby with me but he was not alive anymore.... We were not looking for another child so when I found out I was pregnant I was so excited ... it was like a blessing ... God was giving me another little miracle to hold in my arms... but why then He had taken him away from me? I couldn't bear the pain and still Im struggling to come to terms with it ... It's only happened three weeks ago and I wonder how I've survived so far.....
I went back to work the week after and everyone was surprised to see me ... they were telling me I am a brave woman but I am not .... I am not as strong as everyone believes... but I had to be strong for my husband (he doesn't talk about it anymore but I know he's destroyed inside) but above all I had to be strong for my children .... they need me.... they need their mum... I can't force to lose it because of them.... if it wasn't for them the pain could have destroyed me completely....
I've tried to understand why this has happened and I know it was not my fault ..... I couldn't have done anything to prevent it..... It had happened to my sister-in-law when she was pregnant with her first baby ( she's got three children now) and this helped me back at the hospital and when I was home waiting for my second scan .... it helped me not to give myself any false hope ... nothing good was going to come out of that second scan ... which confirmed my baby was dead and he stopped living at ten weeks..... I feel empy and don't know what to do apart from keeping myself busy so I don't have time to stop and think.... but when I do ... when my mind goes back to that evening when I saw my baby on the screen ... I feel like as if I died that very night too....
they say time helps to heal the pain... I hope so.... but one thing I know I won't forget my baby as long as I live ... I won't forget his face ..... I wil never know if I was carrying a boy or a girl ... he will be always my angel ... my precious little angel... I hanged on the wall facing the main door a sculpure of little angel in metal so that each time I open the door I can see him looking down at me because I don't want to forget my baby....I haven't had the chance to hold him in my arms ... to kiss him ... to cuddle him... to sing him a lullaby..... but I can rembember him each and single day of my life...
Gabriella ( or Maria - everyone knows me here by my first name)
first miscarriagei recently suffered a miscarriage on september 14th. I was 24 weeks pregnant with a very active little boy growing within me. I had a good pregnancy till week 23. suddenly I started getting contractions which were 1 hr apart. At first I thought they were braxton hicks but after a couple of hours I decided to call my doctor. I was told to come in immediately and discovered that I was in active prelabour with my cervix dialated to 2.2cm. I was placed on bed rest but I continued contracting. One week later I started spotting. Thinking that every thing was ok, I took the time to observe things before I called my dr. The next day I called in and was told to come in. I was immediately rushed to the hospital but it was the beginning of the end. My water bag ruptured hours later. I was bleeding constantly at that point (I actually started haemoraging). The doctors told me that I would have to deliver my son vaginally. My blood flow got steadily worse as the hours passed. My doctor checked for the baby's heartbeat 6hours after my water bag burst and it was still strong. But I was already told that he would not live past a couple of minutes if he came out alive. 10 hours later I delivered my son. It was a breech birth and he was stillborn. I made the decision to not see him. Opting to remember him as I saw him on the last ultrasound. My beautiful baby boy was my world for the 6.5 months I knew him. I bonded with him and loved him. I grieve for the feel of his kicks and nudges each passing day. No words are of comfort to me. I wish he was still a part of my life. The only thing that helps is the knowledge that my angel didn't suffer and would always live in my memories. Keep strong ladies all we can do is pray that one day we will have our baby in our arms.
empty heartI have been torched with the waiting game..and now it has come to a sad end.
The doctors had their concerns when I was showing no heartbeat and the baby was showing no signs of development and on top of this, the gestational sac was measuring at 5 weeks when it should have been at 8 weeks.
I had to wait a entire week to find out if there were any changes..but there was not. I had a D&C done on thursday..and I am in shock.
My best friend is pregnant..and I am having a difficult time hearing about her pregnancy symptoms. I am just in shock and feel numb
my precious angel danielleit was aug. 9th 2006 i went for my weekly check up i had no problems the whole 36wks. my 37th week i never would think that in reality my doctor would tell my baby had no heartbeat. That was the worst day of my life i couldnt do anything but cry and ask y?
Determined!I suffered a miscarriage nearly 2 weeks ago after trying for a baby for nearly 12 months. I was just over 10 weeks pregnant when I was experiencing some brown discharge and spotting. I called the midwife and was informed that this was quite normal and that I should just rest which is exactly what I did.
For about a week the brown spotting continued and I kept being reassured that this was perfectly normal and even went back to the Doctor to check and was simply advised if there is no pain that I will be fine but if the spotting becomes fresh bright red blood to contact them immediately.
Well the next day I had a show of fresh blood and so got an emergency appointment at the Doctors and was immedialtely referred for an emergency assessment scan.
To mine and my fiances horror we were informed that I only looked about 6 weeks pregnant and so it looked like the baby was no longer growing. My hormone levels were tested that day and the next and when I rang for the results I was so hoping they would tell me the levels had gone up but sadly they had decreased significantly and so a miscarriage was inevitable.
It was such a horrible feeling knowing that I had been walking round protecting and loving something inside me that was in actual fact dead and I feel awful now because my immediate reaction was that I just wanted it out of me and I hated it! We then had a very difficult decision to make as we had a holiday to France for 2 weeks booked to go the following day but decided we would go and hope that the miscarriage happened naturally and as easy as it can be.
It did on our second day, it was very painful and upsetting but we had a lovely private villa to ourselves and the weather was lovely and hot and sunny and somehow made it alot easier to deal with.
My fiance and I talked an awful lot whilst we were away and we are now being very positive and are on a real health regime over the next 6 weeks with a view to start trying again, we are very determined people and we will do it!!!!
I know that it wasn't our turn this time and it was nature's way of dealing with it, so please don't give up if you have experienced the same, your turn will come and next time make sure that any concerns at all push the Doctor/ Midwife/Carer for answers and check ups no matter how much you hassle them!
Good Luck All,
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