Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
loss of my angel
My husband & I were teenage sweethearts, and teenage parents. We are now the parents to two daughters ages 16 & 19. I just turned 36 and my husband is 38. We decided to have another child after his only brother died 3 years ago. It changed the way we looked at our life. I guess I just thought it would "happen" as it had in the years before.
After 1 year of trying, we went to a fertility doctor. After two operations they still couldn't find any reason that we were unable to conceive. We tried insemination 5 times, and even tried IVF in March of 06. We were devistated after so much time, emotion, and money to hear that it did not work. After all the doctor was so sure it would because the embryos that they transferred were perfect.
We decided that we needed a break and we would try again in the fall. Well it was 56 days before I got my first period on May 8th. I thought good now my body is getting back to normal. I started walking, and even joined weight watchers. I noticed around the time my next cycle was due that I was spotting brown. Then it stopped completely. I also noticed that I was really tired. I was in Walmart picking up some other stuff and decided to get a pregnancy test, "just to relieve my mind", after all I couldn't be pregnant. I felt silly for even buying the test.
Anyways, as soon as I got home I took the test, and to my complete amazement it was postive. I had dreamed of this moment for 3 years. I couldn't believe it. I felt so blessed. It had happened in Gods time, not mine. I called tne nurse at my fertility clinic the next morning and they told me to come in for a bloodtest. It confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. Everyone was so happy for us. It had "finally" happened. I was to come back to their office for an ultrasound at 7 weeks.
The next week I started spotting brown. I called them and the prescribed progesterone and told me to take it easy. The spotting lasted about 10 days, but did end up stopping. I went for my 7 week appt and was so happy to hear my babys heart beat. It was 160 bpm. They said it looked strong. Oh I was thanking God. They told me to make an appt with an OB doctor and sent me on my way with ultrasound pictures in hand. My husband & I were both in tears when we heard the babys heart beating away. We both agreed that if it were a boy we would name him after my brother in law that had passed away.
I made my appt with an OB doctor and was told they couldn't see me until July 26th. All went well until the morning of July 25th. I went to the bathroom and to my horror there was bright red blood. My husband to me to the hospital. They examined me and told me that they thought I was miscarrying. They sent me for an ultrasound to see for sure. To my amazement there was my baby, alive and moving. I was surprised to see how much it had grown. I was now 11 weeks and two days pregnant. I couldn't wait to be back in my room so I could tell my husband that our baby was still alive.
We were told that they thought I had placenta previa. I was sent home to rest, and advised to go to my 1st OB appt the next day. The bleeding slowed and turned brown. When I went in they did another ultrasound. This time my husband was there. The baby was moving all around and the tech showed us its hands, and feet, and it even turned its little face towards us. We were so happy to see our baby. My OB doctor assured us that all was fine and that I did not hace placenta previa, and that she thought it would be fine. We left the office with all kinds of books, and goodies, along with another set of ultrasound pictures.
To my horror the next morning I started to bleed heavy again. I called the nurse and she said to just rest. I layed in my bed and prayed for the bleeding to stop. This was Thursday. Friday the bleeding got even heavier, so my OB told me to come back into her office. My husband was at work so my Mom and oldest daughter took me to the office. They took straight back. The doctor did a pelvic exam and told me it was not good. She said I was starting to dialate. They did another ultrasound and once again there was my beautiful baby alive & kicking. She told me that miracles happen everyday and that I should go home and rest & pray. I did just that.
The next day Saturday I started to have contractions. I told my husband and he told me that I needed to go to the bathroom and check. I was so afraid to see what was going on but I knew I needed to check. Well, when I sat on the toilet blood and clots started to pour out of me. I was terrified and screamed for my husband. He told me to get in the car and we were heading back to the hospital. A lilttle ways down the road my pains were very bad. I could feel the blood and I started to feel faint. I was sweating and trying not to pass out. It was so scary. He pulled over and called 911.
When the ambulance got there they could not get a blood pressure on me and my pulse was so weak they couldn't feel it. They gave me oxygen and started an IV. I was rushed to the Emergency Room, and my husband followed. The ER doctor examined me and said I was dialating. The bleeding was severe and they took me & my husband to the ultrasound room Once Again. We could not believe our eyes. There was our baby still alive and moving around. How could it be with all of the bleeding and cramps. The ultrasound tech said that there was a large bloodclot in the mouth of the cervix, but the baby looked really good. I wondered if maybe they could do something.
They called a OB doctor from my clinic that was on call down from labor & delivery to review the ultrasound and examine me. He was very soft spoken and kind. He said that the baby and gestational sac looked awesome. He said maybe the cervix was dialated on the out side and not the inside but he would know more after he examined me. Once again my husband & I felt a glimmer of hope. He did the exam and turned away from us for a second. Then he said, " well it is not good". He was able to put his fingers into my uterus.
He said the pregnancy was over. He gave us two choices. 1) to go home with a container, and pass the baby that way. There were risk of infection, and of course the blood loss. or 2) he would do a d&c that night. We chose to end it that night. I just could not ask my husband to retrieve our baby in the container and I was so weak I just wanted it to be over and done with. They took me up to labor and delivery to do the surgery. My husband, daughters, and my mom were forced to wait in the new baby waiting area. I was taken into surgery for 1 hour and 1//2. They couldn't regulate my blood pressure so they kept me over night. My husband stayed with me. I felt so empty on the ride home.
Everyday gets a little easier, but I still think of the baby several times a day. My OB doctor said the choice was made for me but I still fight the feeling that I took my babys life. Everyone sayes that I can try again, but I fear the infertility that I faced.
I just pray that God blesses us again and that I am able to carry it to term. Sorry this is so long but I just felt I needed to tell the whole story.
NEVER AGAIN.....I had been wanting a child for a very very long time. i had been trying for several months and when my sister's psychic friend, Amanda told me i was to get pregnant in May, when May rolled around, i started to have sore breasts, nausea and ridiculous fatigue (going to bed at seven when it was still light out!) I took a pregnancy test, shaking and my face burning up from the tension and it came up POSITIVE!! I jumped up and down and quickly stopped, realizing a baby is nestled softly in my uterus.
I told all my friends, my mom, my sister and bf. He was pissed and wanted nothing to do with it...my mom wouldn't talk to me and my friends told me to get rid of it...the support i needed had vanished quicker than anything. I felt all alone and my boyfriend would pull at my stomach telling me i'm fat. The coming weeks, he would fake to punch my uterus and yell at me to "get rid of it already." Nobody would talk to me and nobody congratulated me...i even got fired the following day at work when i told my boss the good news. She told me "it was bad for business."
I was scared, alone and made an impulsive decision to get an abortion. I scheduled one for the next morning. (i was 10 weeks). As i arrived, there were older women screaming "what are you doing...that's a child" and handing me pamphlets of dismembered babies at the age of the one inside of me. My bf's friend took me, my boyfriend didn't even come. I was called, and when everything was said and done i was crying and limping from the pain. i was bleeding and complelely out of it from the anesthesia. I wanted to DIE!
For days on end, i cried for no reason, I fell into depression and wanted my child more than anything..i cried out to God "What have i done? please give me back my child...tell me i'm pregnant still...tell me they made a mistake." Nothing. I felt empty. My breasts shrunk, my uterus became an empty useless organ and I regret ever having done so.
So if for any reason you are considering abortion, BELIEVE ME, and take my every word for it....dont get rid of it no matter how much you think you don't want it now, it will all change i promise you that. Be thankful for the precious gift God has given you and think of all the girls who made the horrible mistake of getting rid of or losing a child....
Missed MiscarriageI was like Kimberly. I'm 32 and at 10 wks 3 days I had an ultrasound done, because of some brownish red spotting for 3 days prior. At the Ultrasound I was told the "baby is too small and there is no heartbeat". My husband and I were devastated. My family GP sent me 4 days later for another ultrasound to be sure. The next u/s was done on a Friday morning and confirmed that although at this point I should have been 11 weeks, the embryo was only 6 wks 6 days in size and the sac was 7 wks 2 days. I had had a missed abortion or missed miscarriage.
I was sent home and told to wait for a referral and told that hopefully I would miscarry naturally. The waiting was the most horrible thing I have ever had to go through. I loved this baby. I refused to let myself get excited about the pregnancy, but I loved this baby and wanted it so bad. Then it died. Sure I blamed myself, my husband blamed himself, also. But we are aware it happens.(That's another story).
But knowing that embryo had died and was still inside me and the doctor that I was seeing wouldn't help me "expel" it and left me to miscarry naturally drove me absolutely insane. Do they not understand. No one would help me. I finally miscarried on a Wednesday morning at the end of June. My husband took me to the hospital and they did an internal ultrasound and found that I had had a complete miscarriage and the D&C wasn't necessary.
I finally stopped bleeding about 3 weeks later. 2 weeks after that I started bleeding again, figured it was my normal period as this is about the time I should start. Now 2 weeks after I started, I am STILL bleeding. And am still waiting for my family GP to make a referral to an OB/GYN, as they will not take you without one.
I'm lost, so emotionally/physically exhausted. I feel like no one will help me. I just want to know is what I'm going through normal? I am a newlywed and so afraid of what this is doing to my body, and so terrified to try again. I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through this or something similar.
the waiting gameMy Huisband and I started trying to conceive a year and a half ago. I was a bit underweight from running when we started, and after going off the pill, it took me 9 months to get my period and over a year to start ovulating again. The waiting at this point was causing severe emotional frustrations as one can imagine.
Once I started ovulating ( with the help of clo-med and a failed attempt at an HSG ), it took me two cylcles and I was finally pregnant! Oh how incredible I felt. Finally our time had come and we were ecstatic. In the ninth week, I started spotting and went to the doctor to check on things. I was surprised to find that there was no heartbeat and development was ceased.I cried all day and started my new waiting game.
It took about 4 days and on the 5th night, I began my contractions and incredibly painful cramping. I released a few blood clots and finally it ceased and I got some sleep. The next morning, I had the most excruciating pain for an hour and then it just stopped. About 20 minutes later, I felt a great gush, ran to the bathroom and lost my pregnancy. It was obvious. I'm relieved it's done and we can look to move forward.
I hope and pray that we can soon realize the reality of our dream of starting our family- I'm truly worn out from the road blocks and am hopeful that there will be no more.
Third time wasn't a charmI am a 33 yr old mother to two beautiful girls (ages 4 and 2) My husband and I decided we wanted another baby and a month later, I was pregnant. After having 2 completely uneventful pregnancies I was completely shocked when 7 weeks into my pregnancy, I started spotting. I was placed on bedrest for 2 weeks and with all the time I had, went online every day to read other women's stories. I had heard how common spotting was during pregnancy so I tried to have hope. A week and a half later, my hope had failed and I lost the baby at nearly 9 weeks.
I was crushed. My heart was broken. I knew that I should be grateful that I still had my 2 beautiful girls, but my heart was still broken. I was sad that I had lost the baby I fell in love with the minute I found out I was pregnant with him/her. I was sad that my girls lost their baby sibling (as was my 4 year old daughter). I was sad to think that over time, everyone would forget I was even pregnant and my unborn child would be forgotten as well.
My husband and I planted a tree outside our house to symbolize the baby. I didn't want our baby to be like a lost baseball game - once it's lost, it's lost. This was our baby and a gift from God. Everyone driving by our house may not know what the tree symbolizes, and although to them they will only be seeing a tree, we will know that it was our gift from God and it will keep our baby more than just a vanished thought over time.
It's been 5 weeks since I lost the baby and it's still so difficult to get my hands around it. Walking out of the house for the first time not pregnant felt as if I were taking my very first steps. Seeing newborn babies no longer brings out that womanly "awe" in me, it only brings tears. I feel like I cant really express how I feel to my husband because he doesn't get it, he cant possibly get it. He is as loving as they come and is sad about our loss too, but it wasn't his body so I feel like I grieve alone.
The only time I find comfort in my experience is with women who have been through this as well. It's their words that I hold onto the most. It's like being a part of a team (for lack of a better word) that only we who have been through it can say "I know how you feel". Anyone who has not gone through this, can not possibly say these words, but always seem to do so.
I'm petrified that I won't be able to have the third child I so desperately want but at the same time do feel blessed to have the 2 that God did give me. We plan to try again next month after my second cycle but just don't feel good about it. I don't feel as if I've healed properly since I had a normal cycle only to be followed by abnormal bleeding 5 days later. Still, my doctor says "it's normal"
My heart goes out to all the women who have had miscarriages. It's heartbreaking and devastating beyond words. I do know how you feel, I feel it for me, and I feel it for you too.
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