Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
I found out I was pregnant with our second child about 4 weeks ago. Me and my husband were thrilled that we were going to be parents for the second time, for we were trying for 7 months. When we had our daughter over 2 years ago. It happened for us on the first try so to be trying as long as we did was very tough. We were very happy our daughter was going to be a big sister b/c she is such a great daughter and such a good girl - we knew she was going to be such a great big sister.
I had such a healthy pregnancy with our daughter I would've never have guessed that I would ever be talking about having a miscarriage. I went to the doctors on Friday b/c I started spotting on Wednesday afternoon. My doctor said that spotting was very normal in the first trimester and wasn't concerned. For my sanity I received bloodwork and a sonogram on Friday. The baby's heartbeat was fine and the baby looked good from the sonogram. I was supposed to be 8 weeks on Saturday but the baby was only measuring to be 6 weeks on Saturday. The sonographer said that it could very well be b/c my period was so off cycle. I was on the pill 7 months prior and I truly believe that my period was so off cycle b/c my body wasn't right when I got off the pill and it took my body 7 months to get itself back on track. I told her I was 14 days late one month, then 2 days early another month and so on. So she wasn't too conerned b/c she said the calculation is probably just not right since my schedule was so off. Then Saturday came and all day I was really bleeding and then finally it happened and my husband took me to the ER and we found out there was no baby in utero according to the ultrasound we had gotten.
We were so devastated and still are, for it's only been a few days since we found out. It doesn't matter how healthy you are. I work out about 3-4 days a week, drink only water, never smoked or did drugs, took my pre-natal vitamins every day, drank milk every morning and was eating healthy. It just goes to show you to live every day to its fullest and if it was meant to be it was meant to be b/c it doesn't matter how healthy you are b/c it can happen to anybody. I'm slowly getting over it.
The only thing keeping me sane is my daughter and the fact that we want to try again very soon. I see the doctor this Friday for a pelvic ultrasound and I want to see when I can start trying again. Some people like to wait, but for me and my husband we want to try right away. You just have to stay positive and know that it can be a blessing in disguise and that it's better to happen early on then later when the baby could actually have a problem. We just hope and pray we get pregnant very soon and have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
Lost at 16 weeksHaving a house filled with children had always been in my mind and my deepest dreams. After trying for a baby for about 9 months we finally succeeded. What a joy to see the result on the pregnancy test and to feel your breast enlarge. Helps making it real. My husband and I spent the first 3 months not telling people as we knew the risks of miscarriage are high in this first trimester. I was lucky to have no sickness signs, so everything went pretty smoothly with nothing wrong to worry about. Once the 12 weeks scan was done (all was ok) we started telling all our friends, family and work colleagues.
At 14 weeks, I had my first anti natal appointment at the hospital and I heard the baby’s heart. All was ok then too. At week 15, I go on holidays in Thailand (it was organised before we knew I was pregnant), as my GP does not see any risk for me to go. After few days, I start having small brown discharge when I go to the loo. After 2 days of this, I decide to call my GP in the UK, which tells me it’s nothing to worry about (often happens apparently after sex). But if the situation changes and fresh blood or cramps starts, then I must go and see someone locally. The third day, the discharge decrease and stop…I am so relieved. But only a few hours later, fresh blood starts bleeding. I am on an excursion to visit some beautiful islands called Ang Thong national Marine Park. As I meet people, it feels wrong/weird telling them I am pregnant. I am not my usual happy bunny positive person.
That evening, as I start having cramps, I decide to go to the local hospital to do a check up, just in case, as the GP recommended. I am alone, as my husband and step daughter are in Cambodia for a few days (I could not go as there is Malaria there). I am seen immediately by a GP who asked me if I have seen foetal part coming out…I cannot believe what he is asking me…of course not! But his comments rings huge bells in my mind…what does he mean? Is this as bad as this? He decided I should be examined by a gynaecologist immediately. So, they place me on a wheelchair…this makes me cry…something bad is happening…suddenly I realise the gravity of the moment.
The gynaecologist does a scan and tells me “I cannot see a baby”. I assure her there should be one and showed her my 12 week scan, which I happen to have on me. She decides to do another scan, via the uterus. This time she sees something…”The baby has dropped to the cervix area, it should be up. I cannot see the heartbeat. The foetus is dead.” Just like this…in few minutes, my dreams collapsed…one minute there was something, the next there wasn’t. I could not believe my ears. I kept asking “Are you sure?” “Can we help the baby, can we do anything?” She said no. She said I should stay the night in the hospital as I am likely to have a miscarriage that night. I still can’t believe it. She says if it does not happen in the night, then she will check again and do another scan. I was in two minds between hoping things could still change and starting to prepare myself for the worse…I did not want to lose hope but at the same time, I felt hope was not going to change the situation, it seemed pretty final.
I call my husband, I can barely speak, I am crying all my heart and body. He is too. He is so sad he is not with me; he feels he has let me down.
That night, I cannot sleep. I have contractions every 5 minutes for 30sec to 1 minute. It is the worse pain I have ever felt. I am put in a room at 10pm and until 3.30am I am awake and in pain. Every time I have contraction, I need to wee. When I do, I lose lots of bloods and clots. I am scared to look down. At 3.30am, I call the nurse as the pain becomes unbearable. They give me a shot, which helps. The nurse tells me to call her if I start seeing the foetus. At 4.30am, I wake up in an emergency, go to the loo and start loosing big clots. I call the nurse again. I am ashamed as I do not know what to expect and what the foetus will look like. She confirmed it is only blood clots…I feel better.
But as I am talking to her something else comes out…in my hands. I glanced at it. This time it is white. I cannot look anymore…I ask her what it is. My whole body is in tears. She confirms the ugly truth…it is the foetus. My baby. And I cannot look at it. It’s horrible…I am too scared. As it is not all completely out, she advised me the lie down. The gynaecologist takes 5 min to come, she helps the whole body to come out. She asked me if I wanted to see it. I said no. But she kept insisting. She said I should. So I did. It gave me the shivers. It was over. The baby was not in me anymore. It was dead in front of me. Not moving. Looking cold. This weird white yellowish colour. It was horrible.
The gynaecologist decided I should have a D&C. This would happen at 6am. Until then I lie in my bed, exhausted. Now the contractions have gone. It is horrible to realise I now feel better whilst I am now not pregnant anymore. I always thought the two should not be linked. At 6am, they get me ready. By this stage, blood is flowing out of me, I am lying in a red patch, and there is blood everywhere on the bed, on my clothes and on the floor in the bathroom. It’s a carnage. At 7am, I wake up in the surgery room, it’s all done.
I spend the whole day in bed, at the hospital, being checked every hour and being fed rice and hot chocolate. But soon, I need to get in motion again as I discover I need to receive an ANTI D shot within 72 hours of the miscarriage if I want to have babies in the future. This is due to the fact that I am Rhesus -. But Thai people are rarely Rhesus -, so no hospital on the island I am on carries this. So I have to ask them to identify a hospital in Bangkok which does have it. I will ask my husband to get it for me. So I did.
My husband arrives at 8pm that day with the ANTI D, which is given to me immediately. I can now leave the hospital. But before, the nurse advises Marc to look at the foetus. She also asks us what we want to do with it and with the placenta. They ask “do you want to bring it home and have a ceremony?” Marc and I did not know what to think…but finally decided we could not bring it home in our luggage and carry it with us on holidays in the meantime. It would be too horrible. So we leave it all behind and leave the hospital. It’s all over now.
MisCarriageI found out I was pregnant a day before my brother's birthday (December 11, 2005). My family and I went out to brunch for his birthday and when we got home I went and layed on the couch and fell asleep. When I woke up I felt the urge to go to the store and get chocolate. While I was at the store I just decided to get a pregnancy test. I came home and took it and to my surprise it was positive. We were very excited.
Between 7 and 8 weeks we had our first ultrasound. My husband had to work so I went by myself. It was amazing. I could see the heart beat and the doctor said it had a strong heart beat too. A few days later we went on vacation to my Grandmother's house in Kentucky. Everything was going perfect. My family was happy for me and my husband. We were due to leave on a Sunday.
Well that Friday we went to my cousin's house to play some poker. She had just had a baby in November and this was January. I was holding the baby and naturally I had to use the bathroom. When I went I noticed I had blood stains in my underwear. After I used the bathroom I noticed it even more. After we got back to my Grandma's house I told my husband what was going on and so we just went to the nearest store and bought some sanitary napkins. I was told that bleeding can be normal during pregnancy.
As the night went on I just didn't feel right. So I called my cousin and she told me just to be on the safe side that I should go the emergency room just to have things looked at. We get to the emergency room and it is packed. After a couple of hours they finally put me back into a room. After an hour in the room I still wasn't seen by a doctor. So I just put my clothes back on and left. I told my husband that if it happens it happens and there is nothing that we can do about it.
That night I had the worst dream ever. That I lost my baby and couldn't find him. The next day I went to church with my family and my Grandma asked our priest to pray for me during this difficult time. Sunday finally came. I was sad to leave my Grandma but was happy to go home because I could see my doctor. Our plane was late taking off due to the bad weather. We finally leave our destination and arrive at our other destination to find that our flight has been canceled. The workers at the check in terminal told us that they have a later flight going out at almost 9 that night but they may not be able to get us on it unless they had some no shows. They told us that the earliest they could get us out was the next day around 2 p.m.
Well I got really ugly towards people. I told them that I wasn't waiting until tomorrow to go home. That I was pregnant and that there was something wrong with my baby. Well we were able to get on a flight that night. The next morning I went into work. Late due to us getting home late. I called the doctor and they told me to come in. I had this feeling deep inside that there was something wrong. They found the sac and the ultrasound showed that I was still 7 weeks pregnant. The baby didn't have a heart beat and it really didn't even look like a baby anymore. It was more like a blob on the screen.
I went home that day still with the rest of the baby inside of me. I had another appointment later that week. This time my mom went with me. I told the doctor that the day before I had some bleeding so I thought I finished miscarrying the baby. Well to my knowledge and to the ultrasound I was still carrying the baby. The doctor sent me over to the hospital and I had a D & C. I was upset because of miscarrying the baby but I was relieved because I wasn't carrying it around and having to wait for my body to miscarry it.
It is now August 2006 and I had found out 1 day after my birthday(July 12) that I am pregnant again. The doctor immediately put me on progesterone pills because my HcG levels were low. I am ordered to take baby aspirin everday. A little over a week ago I had came home from grocery shopping and I went to use the bathroom. I noticed a tinge of brown discharge. I called the doctor on duty and he told me that it could be perfectly normal. Just old blood working itself out. The next day I was ordered on bedrest. That Monday I went to the doctor's. I wasn't due to go until that Thursday. I was nervous. I just knew something was wrong. They did another ultrasound and my uterus was bigger than it was 2 weeks ago and they were able to find a heartbeat. I actually got to hear it.
Everyday when I get home from work I pretty much have to lay down and take it easy. My husband has been so wonderful with taking care of the house work. To those of you who have been through this please don't give up. If something should happen to this pregnancy I will continue to try.
is it ever going to happen...Me and my husband have been trying now for nearly 2 years .I have been pregnant 3 times that i know of and lost them all.
The first was a miscarriage ,which was a shock, i didnt know i was pregnant straight away, the 2nd was an etopic pregancy. Again i didnt know, i had done tests and they were negative. Then i was rushed in and had to have a fallopian tube removed. This of course slims my choices right down.
Then again 2 months ago i had another miscarriage. I am devastated. Dont know what else we can do. I am healthy , eat healthily and the doctors have said there is nothing wrong with me, and we should have no problems conceiving naturally, but every time we do, we lose it .
Thanks for reading, any comments or suggestions would be great.
miscarriageI had a miscarriage in March of this year. I was 15 weeks and 4 days pregnant and until that morning everything had been fine. I was so happy to be pregnant. I found myself in those three months walking around as if on air, so proud of what I had been able to achieve. My partner and I had only recently met but it was a miraculous meeting following a long and painful break up from my ex-boyfriend.
When I fell pregnant with my new partner, I thought it was meant to be. I hadn't been able to conceive with my previous boyfriend, and now it had happened just like that. We were both ecstatic and so looking forward to the baby's arrival. Even better, two of my best friends were both pregnant at the same time. Then, one morning in early March I woke up with acute pains in my stomach. I didn't want to alarm my partner so lay there for a while trying to breathe through the pain but it just kept getting worse. Finally, in agony, I began to cry and my partner woke up.
Hours later, I miscarried the baby in hospital. The doctor had to pull the last remnants of my baby from inside me. I will never forget his face as he turned to me to tell me I'd lost the baby.
In the weeks after the miscarriage, my partner and I stuck close together. We were distraught. Slowly, with the help of friends and family, we began to get ourselves back together. We had fun again. We laughed. We spoke about trying again.
Two weeks ago my best friend gave birth to her first baby. I was due to give birth in less than two weeks. And now I can't stop crying, can't stop feeling miserable and desperate. I find myself turning on my partner, blaming him for everything, and then myself, questioning what I'm doing in my life, where I'm going, unhappy with everything. People keep telling me it will get better, that it's the trauma of the due date approaching, but I just feel terrible.
I wish I still had my baby, I don't want to feel like a failure, to feel as if it was somehow my fault, that things can't work out for me, which is how I do feel. I even doubt I will get pregnant again now especially now I am 35. I am jealous of all pregnant women, all mothers, and my other friend who is due in September, I can hardly bear to see.
Did anyone else feel desperate towards their due date, and how did you cope? Reading these stories has made me feel better and less alone.
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