Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
my little boy
My pregnancy was going very well. We started triing to conceive and it happened probley on the first try. I was so excited because I already have a boy and 2 girls and was triing for another boy. Well I got my wish at 18 weeks we found out he is a boy and me and my husband and children were very happy and then they told me. My son tested postive for Spinal Bibida and we were devastated but, was gonna have him and deal with the issues that may come up. A few days later we went for another scan and they told me He has a knot on his head and his bones are not developing right. They call it Abnormal Fetal Head. I lost it. They gave him a 100% none survival rate. I am 20 weeks now and he is still growing and moving around inside me. I am glad to still get to feel him growing and moving but, know soon his heart may stop and I will lose him forever. I am glad we have time to prepare. I am having a hard time with this though because they told me to plan his funeral before he has even passed. I hope you all the best and I know my little boy will be an angel and watching over us.
I'm so sadIHi my namre is Alicia I am 27 years old. I have one 6 year old girl and she is the love of my life. About one month ago I lost my baby. It has been the hardest thing that I've had to go through. I have had alll the love and support that anyone can have but I still feel empty inside. But now I feel like my life is starting to get back to normal. I will never be the same but at least I know that my baby is ok where ever it is.
My Miracle and DestinyIt's been almost 3 months since I miscarried. In being diagnosed with PCOS about 2 1/2 years ago, I was finally relieved to have an actual label on why my body wasn't functioning properly. I've always known that something wasn't quite right with me ever since I began menstrating at 15. My periods were extremely irregular. In fact, I could go a whole year with having only 1 cycle. My wonderful husband encouraged me to let go of my fears of never becoming a mother and to visit with an OB/GYN. As a result, I was diagnosed with PCOS. At first, there was a great deal of relief and happiness in knowing that this wasn't all in my head. However, after really reflecting upon the syndrome, I was devasted and never thought I would be able to have my own children someday.
After two cycles of Clomid, I finally became pregnant. I called everyone I knew: old friends, distant relatives, teaching partners, my 4th graders, etc. I was ecstatic to be pregnant. My dreams of becoming a mother were finally going to come true. I went in to see the doctor at 4 weeks. He spoke with my husband and I and had blood drawn. We left the office on cloud 9 knowing that we were on our way to bringing a life into this world. Something inside of me told me I was carrying multiples. I gained weight rather quickly without increasing my food intake. It seemed as though my symptoms were magnified: the nausea, extreme fatigue, headaches, etc. I double checked with the doctor to make sure I would be fine in continuing my normal gym routine and explained my concerns of a multiple pregnancy. Again, he assured us everything was fine. However upon returning home from the gym that evening, I noticed some light spotting. I paged the doctor, and my husband rushed me to the hospital. After waiting for 4 hours, we were given a sonogram and ultrasound. I was assured by the doctor that bleeding in pregnancy is rather common and to follow up with my OB/GYN in a couple of days. To be safe, I stayed home and rested until I could get in to see the doctor. He did some blood work, but told us we were still fine. The Friday before Spring Break, I was tying up loose ends in my classroom when I felt something wasn't right. I went to the restroom to find additional blood. I phoned my husband, and we met at the doctor's office. The doctor did additional bloodwork but claimed he didn't have the results from the previous testing. He explained that if I was miscarrying, there was nothing that he could do. Fortunately for us, the bleeding stopped, and we thought we were in the clearing. However, two days later, I had immense cramping and pain that I had never experienced before with a lot of bleeding. The doctor on call suggested we stay at home because if we were miscarrying, there was nothing the hospital would do. We needed to stick it out and meet with her at the hospital on Sunday evening. I later found out the immense pain was actual contracting as my body was preparing to release my baby. At about 2:30 in the morning on Sunday March 12th I felt the urge to push and consequently lost my baby. I screamed for my husband to come and see if the mass was actually the baby. He immediately told me there was no way this could be the baby. He said it was way too small.
The next day, we met with the doctor on call and received another sonogram. At first, she wasn't able to locate the gestational sac, and we prepared to accept that I lost the baby the previous day. However, she managed to find "something" and later stated it was the sac. She still expressed her concern over the pregnancy and suggested with meet with my doctor to compare blood levels again. However, my husband and I refused to give up hope as this baby was clearly still fighting. We left just knowing that God would bless this baby and sustain the pregnancy. When meeting with the doctor again, we learned that my blood levels were decreasing which was indicative of a miscarriage. I immediately fell apart and had no one at the office to help me as my husband was unable to take off work. As I cried on my way home, I refused to believe that my little peanut wouldn't survive. There was no bleeding, and I still felt pregnant. However, the same intense cramping came back on Tuesday March 14th. It was at that point that I knew my peanut was through fighting. My husband stayed with me and tried to offer as much support as he possibly could. I knew this was killing him inside (especially since he had already told his son from a previous marriage that he was going to be a big brother). As a result, I suggested he go to the gym to play basketball with his brother. While they were gone, I again felt the urge to push. I felt my little peanut leaving my body with every push. I tried my hardest to retrieve what I knew to be my baby from the toilet. But, I just couldn't reach it. I was terrified, screaming, and unconsolable. It was then that my husband arrived back home to fnd me slouched over the toilet screaming and crying. With his help, I was able to retrieve the baby and hold it's tiny lifeless body in my hand. At that moment, my husband broke down because this tiny baby was the exact same that he saw previously on Sunday.
In taking the baby to the doctor the following day, we later found out that I was in fact pregnant with twins but now required a D&C as they left tissue that needed to be discarded, and my cervix was still open. I was immediately admitted to the hospital and went into surgery before my husband could even arrive at the hospital. When we came home, I felt it was very important to name my lost babies. Therefore, Miracle and Destiny have gone to be with Jesus. I truly believe it was a miracle for me to become pregnant, but it was their destiny to be in Heaven and not with me.
As I write this, we have just finished another round of Clomid and are anixously awaiting the results. I truly believe I am pregnant again as I have experienced many symptoms: tingling breasts, fatigue, lightheaded at times, etc. However, I know that one day, God will bless us with our children. I share my story hoping that this will help someone else who is still hurting and struggling with such a tremendous loss. Don't give up hope. Seek God and trust His plan for your life. I can't begin to understand why my babies were taken from us, but I do know that there is growth in the midst of a storm. So, don't give up hope!
Turners Syndrome found at 20 weeksI went to one of those places that does an ultrasound to find out what the baby's sex is and they video tape it all for entertainment purposes. I was 20 weeks and would be having my doctors appointment and ultrasound 2 days later. The tech turned on the ultrasound machine and immediately turned it off. She said " I think you have a problem" She wouldn't tell us exactly what she saw. She left the room paged my doctor and came back in. I demanded to know what she saw. She said there was a huge cystic hygroma off the back of the baby's head. The babys stomach was all dark, limbs really short, and the baby was really swollen. She said my doctor wanted me to go to the office first thing the next day. It was a Monday night and no one was available for an educated ultrasound til 9am.
My husband and I were there at 9 hoping the tech was wrong. They ultrasounded and confirmed the same thing, saying they were "so sorry". Now we had to go to a bigger hospital with a bunch of specialist to see if the baby could live or what the deal was. The next day we went to the specialist and had several more ultrasounds,keep in mind my baby was moving quite frequently inside of me. It got to the point where I didn't want to eat because it made her move. And every ultrasound I had to see her face, toes, hands, fingers, it was horrible.
The specialist concluded that the baby would never survive the pregnancy and definitley not out of womb. The said she would suffocate before my last month of pregnancy. They told me I could wait for her to pass or they could take it. We scheduled a E and D, evacuation and delivery, for two days later. I went to sleep with the cutest little prego belly, and woke up with a flat stomach and my baby gone, the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, thank god for my three year old daughter to keep me going. Doctors concluded after doing a genetic test on my baby, she had turners syndrome or monosomy X, she only got one X from us and not two. Some people can live with turners but my baby was a very severe case and wouldn't make it through pregnancy.
Angel in heavenMy husband and I have one darling son, Jacob, who is 21 months. We had been trying to get pregnant again for four months when it finally happened. I made my son a t-shirt that said "Guess What?" on the fron and "I'm going to be a big brother!!" on the back. My birthday was 2 days after we found out the good news so I made the t-shirt for ds to wear that night. It was so exciting for everyone, especially since my twin sister is 5 1/2 months preg too. We were so excited.
Then, 3 days later, Memorial day, it happened. I loss the baby. I suspected something wasn't right because I started spotting on Sunday morning. I had went for a run that morning and just thought I had over done it. But by Monday, it was heavy bleeding and cramping. I wne to the ER, per the advice of my midwife, and the miscarriage was confirmed.
I am doing ok, but have my moments. The thing is, I told a few people at work. Today, some knew and some didn't. I think that is one of the hardest parts... some people ask how the pg is going, while others just kind of give you a sad nod. Also, one of my co-workers is prg... about 3 weeks ahead of where I was. I am no less happy for her (they have been doing insemination) and don't want her to feel odd about being around me. So, I simply told her that. It felt good to get that out in the open. I know that we will try again right away, but it is hard to think that this might happen again. I guess it just always happened to other people, not me.
The hardest thing is to wonder what happened to my baby. I know that it was not literally a baby yet, but to me, he/she had a soul. I guess I think God has a place for special babies like mine and he/she will be waiting for me someday.
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