Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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miss miscarriage


well here is my story im 21 years old my son is 2 n i aint with his dad me n my fiance wanted a baby n in june i found out i was pregnant n i was due feb 23 well i went flr an ultrasound n they couldnt find a heartbeat i was so sad n i was crying n crying had to hve a dnc the baby was 4 weeks i was 10 sad now were hoping to conceive another one

samantha






All I can do is keep breathing...

My husband had wanted children for several years before I agreed to start trying to conceive. I always felt that I wasnít ready yet, and made every excuse I could think of for why we should wait. Then one day, it hit me: I was ready to have a baby. Not just that I was ready, but I was excited about it! Five months after going off birth control, I had another negative pregnancy test and was so depressed at the thought of another month of trying. A week later I still had not started my period. My husband thought I was crazy, but I had to know, so I bought a home pregnancy test. It came back positive! Words canít describe my excitement at that point! Everything happened so fast after that: baby names, nursery furniture, hearing the babyís heartbeat, discussing how/when to tell our family.

I started spotting a few days later. It was shocking and scary. My OB/GYN said all we could do was wait and see, so I set my mind to do that. Over the next 3 weeks, the spotting got progressively worse, until it turned to bleeding. Then the bleeding got progressively worst, and I started cramping. I think I already knew in my mind that the baby was gone when I went to see my OB/GYN again. She confirmed my worst fears. God bless those health care providers that have to deliver that kind of news. I passed the embryo the next day.

It has been 3 weeks since the miscarriage. We decided to try to conceive again right away, so I went back to charting my BBT and using an OPK. A few days after the OPK was positive, I started spotting all over again. I guess I didnít pass all the tissue during my miscarriage. Starting from square one all over againÖ

Iíve cried a lot recently. I think the grief hit me much harder two weeks after the miscarriage. My husband and I just decided to wait a little while before trying again, which breaks my heart. I want a baby so bad, but I just donít think my broken heart can handle trying again right now. I vacillate between sadness and anger. Sometimes Iím angry at God; sometimes Iím angry at my body for producing a baby that couldnít survive; sometimes Iím angry at the unfairness of it all; sometimes Iím angry that no one knows what to say when I tell them about the miscarriage, or that nothing they say makes me feel any better.

Tonya






Moses

well it s hard to start im Diana i have Grave s Desease or hyperthyroidism im 27 im pregnant but as it happened before my pregnancy is high risk i have 8 weeks but instead of enjoy i kind or live in a nightmare why well i found out i was pregnant for the first time on november last year i had a hard pregnancy full of pain bleeding but i always had the hope everything was gonna get better during the time i was pregnant i went to the emergency room at least 30 times and a lot of regular appoiments too but even that i could finish my pregnancy my baby died at 21 weeks when i delivered on my house toilet i was or im in pain no one could help me dr used to tell me that there s nothing they can reaaly do and if it was gonna happen it was gonna happen i was devastated today after 1 year I am in the eighth week of my second pregnancy and i dont live in peace and I am afraid, and
every little pain makes me think the worst i dont know not know if I'll be able to have this baby
i 'm sick i i understand that and i take care of my self but is there's anything i can do to make things better? i wish i could know but
Losing my first baby I lost a lot of hope and i know still was not the proper time to get pregnant for the second time because l fear and i haven't relieve my grief im in a great need that someone could tell me that this time will be ok
but i have no hope ...
I'm not good with more words to express my regret and my feeling but I hope that those who have suffered this pain find peace and happiness ....i cant do this anymore.
This baby deserves the best of me and im gonna give it to her.

Diana






A lost, but still full of hope

At 43 we had our miscarriage at 6 weeks and 1 day. I think I was surprised because my symptoms were so extreme during the first 1 1/2 weeks. I was surprise that it took us 3 months to get pregnant. We have a 12 month and 25 month old daughter. So getting pregnant has not been a problem. It took 3 months with the toddler, 1 month with the 12 month old. So we are sad, but feeling optimistic that we will be pregnant again by January. Of course, we will be on pins and needles.

mia






my delusional depression

Last Thursday(Sept.24th)....I woke up...and something was different. Didn't know exactly what....but being pregnant, my thoughts turned to the baby. I just felt....different. So, I had my sister come jump my dead battery in my car, then proceeded to drive to every doctor within a certain mile radius. I just wanted checked....to make sure everything was Ok with the baby and that wasn't what my "strange" feeling was about. Apparently there is a baby BOOM going on...cause the closest available doctor (who wasn't already over booked with new patients) was an hour away. After many offices...many "Im sorry he's not taking new patients" frustration set in...(and exhaustion...it was after all WAY past my nap time). So...I drove to the dollar store...got a dollar pregnancy test.....just to make sure. YEP! Still positive. Whew....some relief.
So....I went home...and took a nap.
Friday morning...I woke up earlier than usual...I was cramping a bit...and couldnt sleep. It was still dark out. I went for my first morning pee....and...WTF? There was discoloration...spotting. It wasnt bright red...and it wasnt full on blood...but it scared the shit out of me. So...I got on the computer and researched spotting while pregnant. There was good information and bad information. Some ladies said they spotted during pregnancy, but ended up delivering healthy babies. That their doctors recommended bed rest for 24 hours...and if the spotting, or bleeding didnt stop within a few days...to go to the doctor. Or...if it was accompanied by fever, chills, or severe cramps.
Well...I was only "slightly" cramping....and the discoloration...was light pink...and gooey. So...I decided...bed rest it is (I'm not chancing shit!) and if the spotting hadnt stopped by Monday...to the hospital I would go.All day Friday...every time I would pee...I would be soooo scared that I would see something...but 4pm came...and there had been no additional spotting.Only the one time...first thing in the morning when I had pee'd. Semi-relief set in. I texted Jesse at work..."No more spotting!!" Yea! Feeling better...I decided to brush my hair, teeth, put on a little make-up and do a load of laundry.
Afterward...I went to the bathroom again. This time...there was spotting again. Quite a bit more. Panicked....I IMMEDIATELY laid down...thinking I had pushed myself too far. I slept. I was scared, but still hopeful. Lots of women bleed during their pregnancies. Try not to be too scared, I told myself....rubbing my belly as I drifted off...telling my baby how much I loved it.
When I woke up...there was alot of goo.
NOW I am panicked. Still...no cramps (only mild discomfort), no fever, no chills.
As the night progressed...every time I would go to the bathroom...there was more. By 9pm...I was exhausted...and my stomach hurt. Nausea's...with bloating. So....I fell asleep on the couch next to Jesse (with him holding my hand) waiting for my 17 year old daughter to return home. Her curfew was 11...but during the course of my sleeping on the couch, she and Jesse had multiple phone conversations resulting in later and later returning home time. At 1am, Jesse woke me. He had to work a double the next day (Saturday...yesterday) and said he was going to bed, that Soph should be home any minute. Since I had been asleep for hours....I told him.."Go to bed, baby...I'll wait up for her". He went to bed. Soph got home at 1:30. From 1-1:30.....my stomach was hurting...I was half asleep...and bitchy. After Soph got home...I tucked her in, and went to bed. But...no matter which way I positioned myself...I couldnt get comfortable. My stomach was all distended...and aching. So...at 2:30...after lying there hurting...I got up to look for some tylenol.
I ended up being up ALL NIGHT. Literally...all night. Rolling around on the couch, rocking back and forth....begging God to let this pass...to let me keep my baby.
By 6am...the spotting had turned to some bleeding. I was a mess. A mixture of emotions I didnt even know how to process. I woke Jeese up for work, told him about my night. He says "Why dont you have my mom drive you to the doctor?" concern written all over his face. I said.."Whats done is done...and I dont feel like seeing anyone right now"I was bitter, frightened, exhausted. I told him...I would stay in bed (on the couch) all day...and we would see how things progressed. I was soooo tired, having not slept all night, and at this point the cramping had subsided. I was practically asleep standing there talking to him, so I knew sleep would come easy and fast. I just wanted to sleep...wake up, and access the situation from there.So, he left for work...and I went to sleep. When I woke up...I peed...not good. At first...there was only spotting and blood when I wiped, now...there was a substantial enough amount that it was showing up on the pad I was wearing. Until now...the pad had always been clean. A little bit of relief in my scared mind. But now...it was on the pad! Within the next 4 hours...I went through 5 pads...changing them cause I didnt want the blood against me. A constant reminder of what was possibly happening. I called my sister and cried a bit. I was scared, panicking. She did her best to assure me that everything was alright...that she knew women who had full blown periods the whole time they were pregnant.I said "yeah...but I never did!" She reminded me that I was older now. Maybe thats why. I would go pee....wipe...see the blood...cry..try to settle my nerves..and go back to bed. Hoping each time that I woke up, the bleeding would have stopped.
As the day went on....I would sit on the toilet...and as I was peeing..blood was coming out of me.Then...pouring out. I felt so alone. So scared. I (disgustingly) would reach into the toilet and mess with the blood. Making sure there was no substance to it...no mass...only runny blood. Each time....it was just blood. Until it wasnt. Within a 30 minute to an hours time...the blood turned to clots of blood...and then....
There was my baby. Laying in the toilet. It looked like a blood clot bout the size of a large grape...but this clot had something in it. I fished it out of the toilet. It held its form. All substance, no runny. I examined it.
There was my baby. My little seahorse of an embryo. I could see its head, its eye sockets, its spine and tail bone (elongated), its paddle like arm nubs and the place where its heart was.
In shock...I held it in my hands for quite awhile. Looking at it. Realizing what had just happened.
Shock. Depression. Sadness....such sadness........
I will never forget how my baby looked as I held it in my hands.
I went outside and cried and cried. I didnt want to tell anyone. I didnt want it to be true.
Freaked...I laid back down...and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up...Jesse was texting me..."feeling??" so...I told him..."I passed it, held it, its gone"
So......
My baby went to live with God yesterday.
I wanted that baby for years before I actually was lucky enough to conceive it. To be blessed enough to carry it in my womb for the short amount of time that I did. I love that baby.
I am sad.
Everything for a reason, right? This doesnt mean I will never get to have Jesses baby.
I had already told everyone I was pregnant and was in celebration of my much desired child to come.So...now I must tell everyone that I miscarried my child.
I am no longer pregnant. I know cause I held it in my hands.
Today.....I bleed full on...just like yesterday.
Yesterday was filled with tears and sorrow.
I wonder what today will bring?
Please give me the strength and humility to accept things as they are.
Im not accepting phone calls right now. I am in the grieving process.Jesse and I both are.
Though I am beyond grateful for all of the blessings in my life.
This too shall pass....though I will always remember the baby I loved so much, that I was blessed enough to carry for the short amount of time that it lived inside of me.
I love that baby. May it fly with the angels.

It is now..October 26th. I am soooo unbelievably depressed. I cannot stand the thought of seeing anyone. Talking to anyone. I obsessively listen to my stomach with the fetal monitor my sister gave me....hoping...listening for another baby. I am such a mess!!!

Sumre Star White







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