Single Moms

It's not easy being a single mom. As a single parent, you have to take on double the parenting duty. Other issues can make this even more complex. For example, some young moms write about what to do if my boyfriend is an alcoholic. Please share your experience and wisdom. As you will see, these problems require a great support system, time management skills and top-notch parenting techniques. If you have tips to share with other single moms or just want to help other single mothers and single parents out there, then tell us your story.


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Single and Pregnant


I am single, 24 and 10 week pregnant. It was a one-night thing with someone that turned out 5 weeks later to be a baby on the way. I debated telling the father because I knew deep down that he would not want to be involved, and really, I just didn't want him to be involved because of his situation and the fact that it wasn't love that conceived this baby. But I told him after I found out for sure that I was definitely pregnant (I went thru a minute of denial) and told him that he had the choice to be involved or not and how much.

His first words of course were that he wanted to know who the father was. Of course I told him it was him. Then his next words were that we needed to decide whether to go on with the pregnancy or not, to which I very firmly let him know was not an option of his. I was not having an abortion and that was the end of that. Well he didn't stop there. Next he wanted to know if I knew anyone who was adopted. Seeing that he really didn't want anything to do with this pregnancy I just laid down everything.

I told him that I would be fine if he didn't want any involvement, but I felt like I should tell him as a courtesy. I didn't expect and wasn't asking for money of any sort. And I told him that he needed to think about whether or not he wanted to be involved or not and then let me know. We parted ways and I haven't heard from him since. It's only been 5 weeks now but that's long enough for me to decide that even if he does come around later and decide he wants to be involved, that he's waited long enough to decide and I've changed my mind about not caring it he wants to be involved.

He will not be allowed unless he fights for it. Having two kids already from two other women, I don't think he will. My family is very supportive of me and that is all I could ask for. It is going to be very hard I know, but I am willing to make it work and I have a lot of help and support so I know that I will be fine in the end.

That's my story so far.


Kendra






Love comes when you don't expect it

I am not a single mom now but I have been for five years and it has been tough. I got pregnant at 19 in my first year in college. I didn't know what to do! I had met the baby's father just a month before discovering I was pregnant and I surely was not in love with him or vice versa! I told him and he did what I expected him to do: leave me! I went through pregnancy only with my best friend's support.

She helped me out and supported me. My parents were disappointed in me but my mom soon started loving her future nephew. My beautiful girl, Arianna, was born March 15 2002 the same day as my best friend! Her father never saw her and never wanted too! My mom moved to the States so she could keep Arianna so that I could graduate, and I did in June 2005! I went back home to Italy and started working in Milan.

Two months ago I brought my daughter skiing and there I found my first boyfriend I had been madly in love with through high school. I invited him for dinner and it happened all so naturally. He loves my daughter just as if she were his.

Three weeks ago while he was at dinner at my place Arianna called him dad, and that's when we decided to live together and today I just discovered I am going to be a mother again!


Chiara






Pregnant and alone

I had a baby when I was 17. Two years later me and the father broke up. A year later, I decided I was going to sort my life out and pulled myself together. I met this guy - he was too good to be true. Well, I ended up pregnant. We split up before we found out I was pregnant and he promised to support me whether or not I kept the baby. I decided I would, and now he hates me.

I canít tell my parents because I canít bear the disappointment Iím going to get from them. He doesnít want anything to do with me or the baby and he hates me and also implied I wasnít a good enough person to be classed as his girl friend so now I have to face my whole pregnancy alone and give birth alone.

Itís scary but will make me a stronger person.


Chiara






EVERYTHING HAPPENS 4 A REASON

So I met this guy that I thought was the best thing that could happen to me. We were either on the phone or with each everyday all day. Two and a half months later I come to find out he was living with his other 2 kidsí (which he lied about) mother. He would leave me and go home to a whole other family.

He told her he loved me and was going to leave her alone so I believed him. Two months later he's still going back and forth because he doesn't know who he loves more. Went to the hospital every week because I was stressing out and bleeding. His babyís mama was calling me all time. It was juts a nightmare I was waiting to wake up from.

I didnít want the baby but he did. Iím now 6 months pregnant. He still wants both of us but I can't do it anymore so I left him. Went from talking to him everyday to not calling or answering his calls for two weeks. It's hard but she can have him. I don't need him in my life. My familyís around and can't wait for my baby to come:)


jackson






3 Babies from 3 different mothers!!

My story is something that hurts to admit but at times it reminds me of how strong I have been through all this disaster. I was 20 when I first met my son's father. My best friend introduced me to him because he was her husband's best friend. So best friends and best friends dating? It seemed perfect. Sometimes we would hang out with his 3 year old daughter from his previous relationship, she is a doll. I was a little skeptical about dating him just because the bond that he had with his ex was deep considering they have a little girl together. However he assured that they were done. I believed him and we continued enjoying each other.

We would hang out often, laughing, dancing, drinking, the normal fun stuff. About 2 months in I brought him home to meet my parents. They were very welcoming and they accepted my relationship with him. He even became very good friends with my older brother which was HUGE!! ! We began to have sex about 2 1/2 months into the relationship. We started with condoms and then continued without. At this time I was working full time and going to school full time so I was under some stress. When I began to have a feeling that our relationship was over, I was not wrong. He began to ignore my phone calls. He stood me up and lied to me often. I was so stubborn that I did not want to let go. Now I realize that I was just hurting myself.

At the same time I was getting ready to head out to Sacramento for a 4-day school trip with my college. The day before I had gone to see him and he totally ignored me; and like times before, I went home crying that night. The next morning I left for my trip. He never called or anything. During the trip I felt miserable with nausea and headaches. By this time my period was late, however not for 1 second did pregnancy cross my mind. I continued with my trip feeling down. On the 8- hour bus ride home I began to think that I just might be pregnant. Then I told myself that it was just me stressing out and that is why my period was late.

Anyway, I got home late that night and the next morning I went to visit my best friend at work. I told her about my symptoms and she assured me that I was expecting. This whole time my sweetie and I have officially ended our relationship with 6 days of no contact. I was determined that we were over. Until my best friend demanded I go to Sav-on and buy a test. I brought the test back to her place and took it in the rest room. It took me about 5 minutes to react to the big huge "POSITIVE" sign on the test. I was in complete shock, I walked to her and without me saying one word she knew. She held me and told me that I would need to tell him. Later that night I was driving home when I told him that we had to talk.

We met at his place, we sat on the couch and I broke the news to him. He was in shock too. Just as I was talking to him he interrupted me and told me that his ex was pregnant too. However it was not the mother of his daughter, it was the girl he dated before me. So now not only was I pregnant but his ex was pregnant too. Which means he was going to have 3 babies from 3 different mothers.

I continued with my pregnancy but not with our relationship. We never got back together for more than one reason. From the minute that I found out I was pregnant I knew I was going to be a single mother. Time went on and he never visited and never called. I kept my distance even though I loved him with all my heart. About 6 months into my pregnancy he decides to FINALLY come with me to a doctor appointment. That same day I found out that he was going to work things out with his daughter's mother, which when I found out shattered me completely. Then I find out that his other pregnant girl is due two weeks before me, which means he cheated on me during our relationship. When I think that things could not get any worse they do... he eventually moved his daughter and her mom into the house that I helped him rent under my name. I asked myself "how in the world am I going to get through this?" I eventually did...

When I was 8 months pregnant I found out that my son was going to be delivered by C-section because he was in a breech position. On the morning of October 26th I walked into the hospital and at 9:54 am I had a beautiful 7 pound 9 ounce baby boy. I quickly glanced at him over the curtain and then he was taken away. My mother who was with me in the OR told me that he was born with his right leg deformed so they were to take him to get x-rays. She assured me he was fine so I waited for about 30 minutes before they brought him back to me.

When I first saw his deformed leg I thought nothing of it. The nurses said that he had "club foot" a condition that was going to be corrected with a series of casts. I then continued to enjoy my baby with my family around me. I was in the hospital for 4 days and he never showed or called. I cried myself to sleep because every night I was all by myself. I never let anyone see me cry because my pride would not let me be seen as weak. Since my entire pregnancy everybody gave me credit for being so strong. Truth is inside I was at my worst. When I got home I was still hurting from the surgery but I needed to suck all that in because I had a baby boy to take care of.

A week later I needed to take my son to his first orthopedic appointment to get his foot checked out. That day I can say was the most depressing day of my life. I walked in thinking I already knew what the diagnosis was, boy was I wrong. It turned out that my son has what is called Tibial Hemimelia. He is missing his entire tibia bone in the right leg. When they told me that AMPUTATION was the only answer, I was devastated. I remember myself in the car holding my 1 week old baby crying with so much pain like I have never felt before. I cried as I rocked my baby in my arms until I could no longer cry. I asked God, what I had done to deserve such pain this year. Not only did I go through the mess that I went though with my ex, I also became a single mother with a baby that needed medical attention. I was so depressed that I wanted to commit suicide. If it was not for my parents and my brothers I probably would have done it.

I continued to attend many doctor appointments to have second opinions about my son, hoping one doctor would tell me different. I eventually came to terms with myself and accepted that I was going to be the best mother I can be to a little boy with a prosthetic leg. We scheduled the amputation surgery when he was only 13 months old. He went through the surgery just fine and is scheduled to receive his prosthetic leg just after the New Year, which means that he will be walking very soon!
He is the most amazing, smart human being that has ever come in to my life. So full of energy with such a promising future. And I am so glad that I can be a part of his life. So despite all the emotional drama that I have gone through I can officially say that I am a very happy mom! To this day his father continues to be away from him which is probably the best for my son.

To all single mothers out there always remember that things always get better. You may not think so at the moment but it gets better. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the best things to do!!!


Lorayne







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