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one day, i will be a mother

hello every one my name is firdausi and i live in africa. i have pcos and been trying to concieve since 2006 that three years to date. its been stressful and depressing. i've been on more than five cycles of clomid and i couldnt ovulate. my doctor convinced me to go for ivf. at the retrival 16 eggs where removed and 8 fertilized. 3 embryos where implanted back. the two week wait was horrible it felt like time wasnt moving. on the 12th day i noticed very brownish discharge like i was starting my period. my heart sank. my husband kept saying its probably nothing.the next day i woke up and it became full flow. i was devastated. it felt like i just lust some one i went to the hospital and my pgt came out negative. i cried all day.
i have faith in God that its gonna happen some day. one day i wwill be a mother

firdausi

The more you know

Life is so unpredictable. In my last year of nursing school, I was looking forward to leaving my small town behind and go experience the world. I could not harldy wait. Then, one day at work, I met my husband. At the time, I had no idea, but after a few months of chatting our 3.5 hr first date at lunchtime, and then engaged at 6 months I knew I had met my sould mate.

Unfortunately, this was his second marraige, and he had had a vesectomy because his first wife decided when she wanted to have kids with him and lied to him about being on birthcontrol. After their second daughter was born, he made the decision for permanent prevention. Ten years later with me, we now had a problem. We wanted to have kids, and it was the first time in his life that he actually wanted to have kids (not that he didn't love his girls greatly).

First we went to a urologist who assured us that he had had peopl 10 years post vesectomy who had been reversed and got their partner pregnant. After we paid $8200 out of savings and 2 years of trying, we found out that really at 8 years post vesectomy, a male's antibiody count (that get rid of the un-ejaculated sperm) is at 80%, and it is useless to get a reversal. WIsh we would have known that. He was at ten years. Plus, the urologist lied about his sperm motility. A male has to have at least a 10 for sperm motility to get their partner pregnant through encimination. My husband at the time had less than a three.

So, my GYN doc sent me to an infertility clinic. We thought everything was all me because the urologist kept on saying my husband was fine and I should be getting pregnant. Well, the infertility doctor showed us the truth and we decided to take the plunge and do invitro.

During the interview he asked about my periods. To tell you the truth I thought everyone had bad cramps and thought nothing special about mine, which occasionally needed hot water bottles to sleep throught the night or get throught the first day. Unfortunatley, I had completely forgotten about the time I took a percocet (left over from a hernia surgery) to sleep one night. Another unfortunate event was that my biological mother is estranged to me and never divulged her health history.

So we blundered through the shots and the harvest. Based on my doc's assurance that at 26 I should have no problems, especially with my assumed health history (no problems and no prior pregnancies), and we did not invest in the insured policy. After the harvest we found that I only have 10 eggs. My doctor really was expecting more. Then at imlpantation we found on a scale on 1-3 (one being the best) that I only had two level 2 embryos and one level 3. I waited paitently hoping and praying and had to live the depression on having everything fail and losing $13,000 of loaned money. Talk about adding insult to injury.

What is so unfortunate in that before the implantation, my doctor said that the poor outcome for my age was probably due to the fact that I had undiagnosed endometriosis and just didn't know it. Upset as I was I called my father and step-mom that night to talk with them and my father said "Oh, well your biological mom had endometriosis when she was young". This shocked me because when my bio. mom and I did talk, she always insisted she never had any problems with her reproductive tract. I should have known then not to believe that right away, becasue she lead a life of lieing about stupid things. I never thought to ask my father.

If I would have known ahead of time that my mother had it, I probably would have given more thought as to why my periods caused diarrhea, or my cramps had suddenly increased a lot in the last few years, and why my tissue was so tender during ovulation and my menstrual flow. But, I was so willing to suck it up and say that everyone had bad periods.

The truth of the matter is that my mother never had any problems getting pregnant, neither did my older sister. So I never thought that there was anything to worry about.

But now, I have a loan to pay off that is almost half the amount of my school loans. There is no savings left to pay dkown that debt. We spent $21,000 on two procedures we were assured were going to work by the doctors. Truthfully, the invitro. doc had a problem he didn't know about, but that doesn't raise my confidence level of ever being able to have a child with my husband.

My hope out of this article is for women to never belittle their menstrual symptoms. Always be truthful and don't be afraid to look like a wimp. It is better to be cautious and take more hormones for invitro and have a baby, than to pay all that money and not have one because you didn't want to admit your periods sucked and they make you crawl into a fetal position at times.

shawna

Struggling with Infertility

My husband and I are only 24 we will 25 this and we are striggling with infertility problems. Every month we hope that my period will not come but our hopes have been dashed. I am very emotional about this sometimes i even do Hpt several times for the, we are so desperate. I pray to God every just grant us our little miracle, i know he or she wil be loved so much. Every day see people taking things for i am so learning to appreciate life as i go along because i now realise nothing is easy.

Jannelle

maybe this is what was causing me to be infertile

I had a son about 14 years ago . And since than I can't get pregnant. I have tried just about everything. BUt nothing seemed to help. I complained for years about pain i was having in my tummy but after ultrasounds..transultrasounds..xrays etc nothingwas found. Lastyear I started feeling pain under my bellybutton there was some kind of round bump. I went from doctor to doctor looking for answer..Some said maybe it was fat tissue or even scar tissue left from when i had my c-section. Finally last month went for catscan. here it was the huge bump i was feeling.my ob/gyn said since its not a woman issue . I had to go to a general surgueon.I went into the hospital Feb 2 n what was found was a soft tissue on my abdominal wall..(endometriosis involving scar). From everything read this could be what was causing my infertility. Keep fingers cross n hoping next month I'll be Prego..IF not ill keep trying ..

Gabriela

My Story replied

I have just come across this website and started reading the "stories" thinking I would find company in how I am feeling.

Piper I totally relate to what you are saying I too am 36 and want to have a family. I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies one resulting in the loss of a tube and the other non functioning. My husband already has a child but wants to have another, so I feel even more worthless than if he didn't have one.

We are thinking of doing IVF hopefully in the coming month or so. I did the clomid route it worked but resulted in an ectopic unfortunatly. Anyway I also blamed myelf for waiting so late etc. but I stronglyh believe that everything happens for a reason. I do pray that invitro works and we will have a baby very soon I keep thinking that it is the best option for us but I don't think I cana go through it more than once. So I guess adoption would be the next option.

Well this is long and I have not even touched how I really feel but I read your story and could relate and just wanted to tell you not be afraid of taking the clomid go for it "nothing tried nothing gained" be positive and I do know it is hard but try.

I am keeping a positive outlook as I know IVF will work for us.

Good luck and God bless
Simone

Simone