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MyStory

I just came across this website and so much of what everyone is going through I have felt, and have thought myself alone. I'm so relieved that others have had the same thoughts, and I'm uplifted by everyone's encouragement.

I'm 36 1/2 (Isn't it funny how you start counting half years when you are older and trying to conceive, like you're a kid again), and I've been married for over 13 years to my husband. We have been TTC for almost 2 years. I know what you're asking, why did we wait so long to TTC? The answer is, because I'm an idiot. In my 20s I wasn't "ready"; then we had a rocky patch in our marriage; then I hemmed and hawed for a couple years. At 34, I was like "Let's give it a shot", all nonchalant and everything. I thought we would get pregnant without a problem. I had no history of issues and neither did my husband. I'd been on the Pill since I was 19, but as far as I knew, that was the only potential issue.

Obviously, we haven't been successful yet. I've used OPKs, Basal Temperature, and Fertility Awareness Method, and no luck. We saw a specialist about 6 months in and the HCG showed I "may" have a blocked tube (the test wasn't conclusive, but it was uncomfortable); the ultrasound showed I produce more follicles than normal; and apparently my husbands sperm is "slightly" clumpy. The doctor thinks all these "minor" issues, plus my age, are conspiring against us.

The thing is, my husband doesn't really want kids, especially not this late (he's 40). He's trying to be supportive, but he just can't empathize with me. I was pretty ambivilant about kids myself until I couldn't conceive, now I feel the loss keenly.

I've made up my mind to undergo IUI either in January or February. Or if the doctor recommends Clomid alone first, I'll do that. My husband and I both do not want to do IVF and my husband does not want to adopt. So if IUI/Clomid doesn't work, I'll have to cope with my reality.

I blame myself. I hate myself for starting so late and for being so naive about conceiving. I punish myself mentally and physically (through aggressive exercising) after my periods. I'm afraid I will live an empty life and die alone. I'm afraid I will become uptight and bitter. I'm afraid I will devote my life to my work and retire empty and dissatisfied. I'm afraid of IUI, but I'm going to force myself to do it. If I don't, I'll REALLY hate myself for not trying everything within my and my husband's limits.

Even worse, I'm afraid I'll get pregnant and everything that goes with it. I just wanted fate to decide for me (which apparently it has but I'm not willing to accept). A natural pregnancy means I'm meant to be a mom, forcing a pregnancy is tempting fate. At least that's what the devil on my shoulder keeps saying.

Whew, that was long, but good to get out. I look forward to reading this over and marvelling over my many neuroses. Maybe on paper I'll see them for what they are.

Please someone out there, be my voice of reason and encouragement!

Good luck to all of us!

piper

Any information is helpful

Hello everyone. So long story short, after my second daughter with my ex-husband we decided to have my tubes tied. A year later there were complications with ovarian cysts and the doctors removed my tubes completely. I am now getting remarried and we want to have a baby. I have been researching the different procedures and it seems that IUI is the process in which I need to go through. I dont have a problem ovulating or anything its just I dont have the pathway for everything to end up where it is suppose to be. Are there any suggestions as to a specific doctor to see or any other words of wisdom.
Sabrina
Birch Run, Michigan

Sabrina

4th ivf attempt

Hi there everyone, I posted 2 years ago on this sight under my full name Alison Cachia. Since then I had accupucture, crystal healing, rieki, faith healing and evry alternative remedy! including herbs!
I just finished my 4th ivf attempt and although it failed again i felt more positve threwout! YES.. You must think I'm mad and it must be an even harder blow.. well maybe but it's not that bad. I still count my blessings and know that there must be a reason for this and a lesson in this for me. I still have my FAITHFULL TEARS, but KNOW that there's more to life than my needs.
I'll never give up, NEVER.
God bless you all, I send you all baby dust and sticky embies!
Love and light
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXKeep smilin'! (IT HELPS) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alison

Laparascopy and hysteroscopy... Lupron for 6 month

Hello All! I am new to this site and wanted to share my story and see if anyone else has had the same problems. My husband and I had been TTC for a little over a year with no luck so my Dr. finally referred me to a specialist who discovered that I not only had endo. but I also had a septum in my uterus so I had surgery to remove the septum and the endo... I have been on lupron depot for about 5 months (1 shot left wooohoo!). We are hoping to get pregnant as soon as possible! If anyone has shared a similiar experience I would love to hear from you! I starting to get really nervous that this won't work. Thanks :)

Reader

Infertility Success Story

When my husband, Greg, and I married in 1985, he was 32 and I was almost 30. Having had one child from a previous marriage and also dealing with his ex-wife having a tubal pregnancy, he had previously undergone a vasectomy. Now, however, the circumstances were different and we both wanted children.
The first bill of order would be a vasectomy reversal. That procedure was successful, but we were not successful in conceiving after that on our own.
After a few months we decided to see a fertility specialist. The first thing the doctor wanted to do was an exploratory surgery to see if my tubes were open. After that, all that he could conclude was he thought one tube "might" be blocked. He wasn't sure if it was just a muscle spasm thing or if it was actually blocked. Next, he put me on the fertility drug, Clomid. I was on that for what seemed forever with no results. He also did a couple of Sperm Washes, which just means that I would be injected with Pergonal to create more eggs, and then about the time I would be ovulating the doctor would inseminate my husband's sperm into me. This didn't work.
Finally, after about 2 years with this particular fertility specialist, we decided to switch to another. One of the first things I had to do was a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test. A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant (infertile). During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. This was a very painful experience for me. They suggested that I take some Advil or something similar beforehand so I did. This did NOTHING for the pain. I cannot believe that they didn't suggest something much stronger. However, I guess some women do not have that same pain.
Next, the doctor suggested G.I.F.T. which stands for: Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer. Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer (GIFT) is a tool of assisted reproductive technology against infertility. Eggs are removed from a woman's ovaries, and placed in one of the fallopian tubes, along with the man's sperm. The technique, which was pioneered by endocrinologist Ricardo Asch, allows fertilization to take place inside the woman's body. I had to go through a series of shots: Lupron, which I injected myself, and Pergonal, which my husband reluctantly had to administer.
Once the procedure was over, sure enough, I became pregnant. I went in for an ultrasound and the doctor saw two embryos, one with a heartbeat and one without. He just figured that the one hadn't "started" beating yet. So when I went back at about 11-12 weeks and had another ultrasound, I was devastated to learn that there were "no heartbeats".
Following that we went back for at least one attempt at In Vitro Fertilization with G.I.F.T. frozen leftovers. Unsuccessful.
One year and 3 months after the first G.I.F.T., I wanted to try it one last time. (especially since it did create a pregnancy)
So we went through all of it again, same shots, anesthesia, etc. Once again, it worked. I became pregnant. I was not in a hurry to spread the news after the last experience, though, so we didn't tell many.
At about 3-4 months along, I started cramping and bleeding so I thought I had possibly miscarried. I went in to the doctor the following morning to have an ultrasound, and to my surprise, there was a heartbeat!
When I was about 5 months along I started experiencing pre-term labor and had to be monitored at home twice a day for contractions. That was hard because I had a dog at the time and if I walked with her for 15 minutes it would cause contractions. Then they would tell me to stop doing that. (I didn't)
In the end, I ended up almost a week "overdue" and had to be induced. My daughter, Kayla was born Feb. 9, 1993 when I was 37 years old.
Having her was the most wonderful thing that I had ever experienced up until that point. I really wanted another child, but knew it would probably be too hard to go through all that again (and with no guarantees) Ovulation kits were just coming out at this time and I would buy one now and then to try out. However, since Greg was gone on business every week from Mon. to Fri. timing things right was near to impossible.
When Kayla was 1-1/2 years old, I just became pregnant. My periods were very irregular due to nursing so I didn't really think I could even get pregnant. The odds seemed so stacked against us also. We were so happy to be able to have another child. Gina was born May 25, 1995 when I was 39 years old.
I guess when it comes to trying to become pregnant everyone has their limit. How long should you keep trying? Can you even afford the cost? I am not sure how much insurance will cover these days. For us, at the time, we had good insurance that covered the G.I.F.T. procedures and most of the rest.
I remember looking into adopting at some point during our procedures, but my heart just wasn't into it. I am just so thankful that we were able to have our two beautiful girls the way we did. I just couldn't give up and I am thankful that I didn't.
There is a lot more medical technology available to help women become pregnant in this day and age. So if you are one of those women (like me) who really wants a baby, believe it can happen, and it probably will. Just keep reading about what options are available and find a good doctor.
Good luck

Diane Downey