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losing hope

I am 36 years old and my husband is 33. I became pregnant without trying. Today our son is a healthy 4-year-old. For 2 years now, we have been trying to have a second child - I have had 4 miscarriages. After numerous tests were ran, I found out I have a clotting disorder and endometriosis.

I was devastated when I found out about the endo because I have several friends who have it and haven't been able to conceive. I don't like my doctor because he treats me as if everything is fine and hasn't suggested anything to help my situation. Actually, he is my second doctor because I changed after the 4th miscarriage because I felt that he was clueless with my situation.

I had lap and a hysto in August and was given a 6-month period to try and get pregnant. It is now the 7th month and I am still not pregnant. Before I had surgery, I was able to get pregnant but couldn't get past week 7. Now I can't get pregnant at all. I guess God is protecting my heart because with the last pregnancy, I cried to God to not allow me to get pregnant if I couldn’t carry the pregnancy full term. I am just so devastated.

I can't get past the fact that I may never have another child. It is such a lonely road to travel - no one understands the pain and they just think you should get over it. How can I? I would love to - it would make my life so much easier. I have basically sealed off a part of my heart for my pregnancy issues and each month that I get a negative hpt, I cry - really cry. I told myself this month would be the last time I cried.

The really frustrating part is that I have no other options - my insurance does not cover infertility issues - It is so unfair - if you have money then at least you have the option to try and pursue fertility aid. I have stuck with my infertility issues and there is nothing I can do about it.

Angie

Gets harder every month

We have been married for 7 years and decided to wait till we were ready to afford a baby. Nearly two years ago we started trying to conceive and we have been unsuccessful. I am 27 and my husband is 34. We didn’t got to a dr for nearly one and a half years and finally decided to see a specialist.

I have been diagnosed with PCO and my husband has a problem with the quality of his sperms... we started our rounds of IUI in March 2007. The first round was unsuccessful. I had my second IUI on the 17th of April and a week away from finding out. Everyday is a task to get through... Every second of every day I am wondering whether I am or whether I am not.

Its getting harder for me to deal with people with babies, all my friends got pregnant during the past two years and it was awful trying to be cheery and happy for them... its not that I am not happy for them...but I am sad for myself.... my parents are not quite supportive of me, not out of choice though, they live far away from me and have lots of other issues to deal with on a daily basis, so usually the advice they give is, don’t worry it will happen, which frankly I am sick of hearing. My in laws really don’t seem to care either way. They already have a grand child from one of their other children.... which is also a bit hurtful to say the least.

I am generally a very strong person so giving up no matter how much easier it may be is not an option for me. Every month I hope and pray and get my hopes up.... only to be devastated... My poor husband is bearing the brunt of my mood swings and most of the time I forget that we are going through this together.

Just writing this is making me cry but I have come to the point where I can’t even concentrate at work.

I pray for all of you going through this difficult journey.

Miserable

Running out of hope.

My husband and I have been together since we were in JR High School. I became sexually active at 18yrs old and we haven’t used protection since. I have never been pregnant; not even a scare. So I went to my doctor and found out I have endometriosis.

I have had two HCG's and two Laparoscopies. I have been on clomid and still nothing. I feel all we have left is in-vitro and I am afraid we will try and nothing. Sometimes I feel it’s hopeless.

We really want a child and it's sad because we feel it’s so close to happening but when you get that negative test you feel a little but of hope is taken away.


Monique

Hopeful

My name is Stephanie, My husband and I were very, very blessed to bring our son into the world. He is four years old. We started out very young but by having him in our lives has been the greatest thing that has happened to us.

My husband and I have always wanted to have at least two kids, and because we were so young when we had our son (19) I really wanted to enjoy motherhood with just my little one. Then as we got a little bit older and wiser to parent hood we both agreed it was time to add to the family. We tried for about a four months. All along I had this awful back pain that would just not go away.

I did a lot of research and every thing I came upon said something about endometriosis. I had never heard of it before. I read on about it and to be very honest it scared me. So I reassured my self and directed my thoughts elsewhere to forget about it. It must have been a sign because for the next couple of weeks the word endometriosis was popping up everywhere, books magazines and through just plain conversation. So I made the trip to the doctor to explain my pain. The doctor did say I show good possible signs of having endometriosis. So he told me to keep trying to conceive and if we haven’t become pregnant in four more months to come back.

Well we gave it a year exactly then I went back because I finally got pregnant. Yes I took 7 pregnancy tests because I just couldn’t convince myself that it was true. I know that having endometriosis causes infertility and pain, yet I can deal with pain but not the infertility part. So as my husband and I got excited we began to tell close people in the family the good news. I immediately made a Dr. appointment. With all of this excitement I can’t really explain it but something didn’t feel right about it.

I wasn’t having pain or unusual symptoms of signs of problems I just didn’t feel right about it. Then one week after I found out I was pregnant; little minor aches started to set in. Barely noticeable but when your pregnant every thing is noticeable. So I made a trip to the doctor’s office that next morning, and started spotting. “Well stephanie, it looks as of you are having a miscarriage, so Hcg test for the next four days and I will see you at the end of the week”. We were in silence because our dreams we worked so hard for so long came true and then shattered just like that.

So I recouped and went in for my follow up one week later after the conformation of a miscarriage that Friday and talked things over with my doctor. Before I finish my story I just want to say Please trust your instincts ladies. My pregnancy symptoms never went away, yes I was still pregnant but not a successful one. I proceeded to ask when were all the pregnancy symptoms going to go away. He says they should have passed already and sent me in for a second sonogram to find out that I had a tubal pregnancy all along and four hours later I was in surgery.

It is very emotional when you want to give life and just cant’ and it’s beyond your control. I was then started on the Lupron shot for the treatment of endometriosis hoping I can somehow increase my chances of conceiving just to find out my insurance doesn't cover the second shot so now I am back to square one.

Never lose hope and always be grateful for what you have. When God if God is ready to add to your family he will. Keep your spirits hopeful and never give up.


Stephanie

trying to conceive

My husband and I have been trying on our own to have a baby for about a year and a half, and now we are seeing a fertility doctor. I am going on my third cycle; one cycle with clomid/natural cause the clomid gave me a bad reaction. I was just monitored and then given an injection to release my eggs and nothing, no baby. Then one cycle of injections and IUI and now nothing again.

Now they want to up my meds and try another cycle of injections with IUI. I’m just not sure if I want to do it again it is so stressful and draining. This is my second marriage and I have a 7 year old from my first and no problems it was a surprise actually and my husband now is so anxious to have a baby and I am too but can’t stand the fact that we can not do it on our own. So frustrating.

I’m just not sure what to do if I should try another cycle or take a break. It’s really getting to both of us, and stressing our relationship at the same time. I just don’t understand what’s going on. He was tested and is fine and I was tested and am fine.

I am lost and confused.

Thank you.


GEANINE