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trusting god

hi ladies i just wrote something and it all got deleted i know sucks

well i am married for three years now and been trying 3 years plus to get pregnant and nothing weve tried fertility pills and what have you nothing no pregnancy.we had sex by the book timed everything and did everything to get pregnant no luck. friends and family like fliys were getting pregnant even some now on their second baby people always ask us when u going to have kids already youve been together since you were kids and we just say when u see them then you see them.

i was depressed and stressed to no return i was obsessed i had no control over this it consumed and took over mylife i cried myself to sleep i cried to my husband and sister i just lost it i was angry and confused and just hated everything because i couldnt get pregnant i was a monster.

i stopped prayong and believeing have trust and waiting patiently on the lord. but now im back on track it wasnt easy i just stopped thinking about the baby thing and tryong so hard at sec=x to have a baby i stopped crying and it was for the better the one thing i did that was so stupid was stop praying and trusting god. but im praying and trusting god again is key is the only thing that will save me im prayng for my marriage to have a family to have a better relationship with god. ladies if you havent prayed before then start talk to god let him in trust him let him help you take it one day at a time believe. contnue to pray andtrust him even after you get pregnant just whisper to him hes there trust me im not lying hes waiting im getting back on track with his help i feel off but i have to find my way to him again.

so help encourage someone else youll feel better becasue theres dozens of us in the same boat so lets just pray for each other.

freddie

freddie

Hopeless & Powerless

Hi everyone! I just found this site as I was browsing around on the web looking for some information about infertility. I felt very saddened by several of the stories that I read on this site. I can totally feel the pain. My husband & I are both 31-years-old. We have been together for 8 1/2 years. We have been trying to conceive for a little more than 4 years. We tried Clomid several different times (12 cycles in total). We actually conceived with the second cycle of Clomid. For a minute, we thought "Wow...that was easy." And then several days later, a miscarriage followed. I was devastated!!! Our doctor said that it should be easy for us to conceive after the miscarriage, but that was nearly 3 years ago & we have not conceived since. We started seeing a fertility specialist in January 2009. We were getting ready to start the injections & then I received my acceptance letter for Nursing school. We decided to hold off on the treatments so I could go ahead with school. I am currently in the RN program and I have 18 months until graduation. We are still trying naturally, but plan to proceed with the injections or IVF immediately following my graduation if we have not conceived by then. However, I am still very frustrated by the fact that we are not able to have a baby! All of my friends have babies so I kind of feel like an outcast at times. I do not have any baby stories to share or any little birthday parties to invite them too. I am happy for all of my friends & I am glad that they have been blessed with beautiful, healthy children. I would not wish infertility on anyone! Infertility is difficult, emotionally debilitating, depressing , and it even causes me to question my sanity at times. I wish you all the best. For so long I thought that I was the only one feeling so terrible about our infertility problem. It is good to talk to people that understand. My family & friends feel saddened by my unfortunate situation, but they really have no idea what it REALLY feels like to be "Saddened" when it comes to infertility. Good luck everyone! I look forward to sharing stories with you all. Please write to me anytime:)

Pennie

Story of hope for all women who are trying to conc

Finding eachother

My husband Jeff and I tied the knot in May of 2007. We had been college friends for about seven years before we started dating. I knew Jeff was the one for me when at about three months into our relationship, he took me home for Thanksgiving to meet his family. From the moment I walked in the door they were so warm and friendly with me, I felt like I had known them all forever. Thanksgiving always consists of about 25 to 30 people, and now it includes my parents, brother, and sister-in-law. There have always been little cousins running around everywhere (and a few sets of twins -- they run in the family). Running right behind them is always Jeff.

One of the first things my father noticed about Jeff was that he loves children. We both do! Before we were even married we discussed how many children we would like to have together. Jeff always said four, because that’s how many children his parents had and I have always wanted two. So, with that said we started trying immediately for a family.

Facing some setbacks

We were keeping track of my ovulation cycles and my basal body temperature, and were having sex every other day like you are supposed to. But seven months later, still nothing, and I started to have a hunch that something was wrong. I know my body. Something had to be wrong. I was a perfectly healthy thirty-one year old with no medical issues, so we thought this would be a piece of cake. I called my OBGYN and asked if I could go in for some testing. She said usually they make people wait till you have been trying for a year. I told her I didn’t want to waste any more time and I wasn’t getting any younger.

For about a week I kept calling the doctor’s office, begging them to let me get tested. The persistence finally paid off and I went in for a hysterosalpingogram or better known as an HSG. It is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. The results were a blow to everything we had tried over the last seven months. Both of my fallopian tubes were blocked. I dreaded the phone call to my husband, because the test was done on his birthday and of course I didn’t want to upset him. After having this test done, my OBGYN referred me then to a local fertility clinic, supposedly one of the best in the country. Jeff and I made an appointment and were able to get in almost right away.

Diagnosing the problem

Over the next few weeks, prior to our appointment, I started having really bad lower abdominal pain. I thought what could this be? What’s going on with my body all of a sudden? I started to research my new found aches and pains, abnormal bleeding, and came up with what’s called Endometriosis. This is a medical condition where the tissue that lines your uterus starts to grow on the outside of your uterus. It can also grow on your ovaries, fallopian tubes and on major organs. When we met with our Infertility Specialist for the first time they did lots of blood work, testing hormone levels, egg quality and quantity, and especially tried to persuade us into doing In-Vitro Fertilization right away. This is a very expensive procedure, which we can’t afford, and trying everything else out first was our main goal.

My husband and I are not the type to immediately jump into things without giving it a lot of thought and time. I was scheduled for a surgery within a month to try and unblock my tubes and to see what else was going on in there. I had a tubal cannulation and removal of endometriosis, which was everywhere, according to the doctor. That explained all my pain, but nothing was answered as to what was blocking my tubes, even 'til this day. Within a month of my surgery we proceeded to do our first Artificial Insemination (AI) with clomid and progesterone. AI #1: nothing. AI #2: still nothing.

More disappointment

Within a few months of my surgery I started to have a lot of pain again, but this was a different type of pain. It was locally focused on the left pelvic side. Now what? I went to the same Infertility office for an ultrasound and I had what looked like an endometrioma growing very quickly on my left ovary. What is this? It is a non-cancerous tumor or cyst filled with blood, but in my case, you will see later in this story, I had numerous ones grow and the doctors were concerned that it could become cancerous at some point. Seven months after the first surgery, I went in for yet another surgery. This one was to remove the endometrioma off my left ovary, but while the doctor was in there, he found my left ovary to be stuck to my left side pelvic wall which he freed (this was a different doctor who did my second surgery, but worked at the same Infertility office) Following this surgery, I did a few more insemination's. AI #3: nothing; AI #4: nothing.

Trying everything

It was now the fall of 2008 and I still wasn’t pregnant. A lot of my friends were getting pregnant after only trying for one or two months. I started getting very depressed and giving up on the whole idea that I would never have a child of my own. I started looking into adoption agencies and asking friends which local agencies they would recommend.

When we were told about one right in our town, only a few minutes away from our home, I got very excited. I called this agency to inquire more about their process and figured out this was a Catholic non-profit adoption agency. I am Jewish, born and raised celebrating the Jewish Holidays here and there, but always had a Christmas tree. I attended a Jesuit University; attended all the required marriage preparation classes, married a Catholic and got married in the Catholic Church, by a Catholic Priest. So why did this adoption agency tell me I did not fit what they were looking for in an adoptive family? We have a beautiful home, live in an established neighborhood, both my husband and I have great jobs, our parents were never divorced, we come from stable homes and most of all we would be the most loving and caring parents that you will ever find. What was going on here? Is the world and life in general just out to get me? I’m a good person! I just didn’t get it!

Searching for more answers

After coming down from another disappointment, it was time to visit with my OBGYN again. But this time I went with a recommendation from a friend. This new doctor delivered both of her children and she had nothing but great things to say about him and his practice. At my first appointment, the new doctor wanted to test me for what’s called PCOS. Another medical term I had never heard of which stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Out of the many symptoms you could possibly have from this disease, I only had a few. I was immediately put on medication for it, to help stabilize my insulin and hormone levels. I still take this medication today. I continued to see my new doctor on a regular basis, probably every few weeks.

Over the next few months I had numerous ultrasounds and all had the same result. They showed cysts, endometriosis and fibroids. The cysts would sometime rupture, helped by the medication I was on. One fibroid which was right smack in the middle of my uterus (the doctor believed it was blocking my fallopian tubes) was getting bigger and bigger by the week. I also had an endometrioma, a new one, forming on my left ovary again. Again? After a few months of more abdominal pain and trying naturally for a child, my doctor recommended surgery to remove the large fibroid from my uterus and possibly to remove my left ovary, the one causing so many problems.

In February 2009, I went in for a third surgery and this time it was a much bigger procedure. They went into my uterus and removed the fibroid and also removed my left ovary and tube, which the doctor thought was totally shot. I was to stay in the hospital for three days and then recovery for two weeks at home. My pain had automatically disappeared and I felt like I finally gave my body a true chance to become healthy again. We were told to wait six weeks before we should start trying again. My doctor believed that I would get pregnant within the next 6 months and if I didn’t he wouldn’t understand why. He really really believed! And for the next two months we would try naturally, and still nothing.

We finally decided to try out a different fertility clinic, one that was recommended by my wonderful doctor. I made the appointment for my first consultation at the new Infertility clinic and just as I thought the doctor said the same thing as the first place, which was to do IVF. The doctor thought my chances any other way would be slim to none, considering how horrible all my hormone levels were, along with my egg count and quality. Once again I told the doctor that we couldn’t afford IVF and would like to try AI, so we did.

BFP!

On May 7th I was inseminated for the fifth and final time. Two weeks later, well almost two weeks (one day short), I took a pregnancy test and finally...it was positive! I actually took four tests over the next two days. I went to the doctor’s office for verification and that too was positive news. My husband and I walked into the office a little nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. We got ready for the ultrasound, held each other's hands really tight and prayed. There she/he was; we heard the heartbeat and even saw it. It was such an amazing thing to see. A baby, really inside of me, something we had wanted for so long, it actually happened. Later, the doctor came in to meet with us and I will always remember our fertility specialist's words, he said: “I have to tell you this is a minor miracle.” And a true miracle it is! It was so hard hearing from various doctors that “You won’t get pregnant unless you do IVF”, “Your egg count and quality is horrible”, “You only have one ovary, your chances have just been cut in half.”

I now believe in miracles and never giving up on anything you put your mind to! Believe there is always one good doctor that believes in you and himself, to know that something positive will come of this…it has to. My best advice: Keep switching doctors 'til you find that right one, one that makes you feel comfortable. Our friends and families prayed so hard for us, and I even started having faith, and still do, knowing that everything is turning out the way Jeff and I dreamed our lives would be together.

Lara Mark

why?

i am at the point of my infertility and ttc where i have lost all hope and is beginning to feel depressed an nothing seems to lift my spirits. i'm 26 and my husband 32 and we so badly want a baby..... i cry secretly..withouth anybody knowing..... i think about it 24/7... yes, i know its not healthy, but i cant seem to convince my mind and heart otherwise. and it's not helping that my friends is all pregnant around me. i pray, i pray everyday that our Heavenly Father may bless us... we've been trying for a year and i dont knw how other women can go for so long......cause i'm going insane already.
it's not knowing WHY??????????????

Abi

Hope

Hi,
It amaze me when i read so many stories of trying to conceive, where i am not alone, I have with me so many families desperately trying.
we have been married for 5 years now and since then we are trying to conceive. Only last year we decided to go to a specialist to see if any of us has any problem. Many tests were done and finally we got the results that we both are fine and we dont have any issues that lead to infertility. We both were happy in a way that we atleast we both are fine, its just the matter of time. Then we finally did the 4 cycles of IUI, clomid, injections, blood tests. During this whole process we are so hopeful that we will be able to get pregnant since we dont have any medical/fertility issue. But we were wrong, first two cycle failed, on 3rd cycle i did conceive. we both were on top of the world. The feel of being pregnant was overwhelming. The only pain behind that happiness was i was spotting throughout until 5 weeks. I was going to blood test every other day just to see my HCG going up. I prayed to stop the bleeding so that my doc will say yes everything is alright now. I knew that some people do get some spotting/bleeding during pregnancy. One day after i went for my blood test, i was waiting for my nurse to call and tell me the hcg still going up and looks healthy, instead she called to tell me that my hcg dropped and it is not an ongoing pregnancy. I was shattered, my husband was always there with me to hold me, i knew he was in pain too but he didnt want me to see that. He said things will be alright one day, and the best thing for us is we are together. 5 weeks of conception was over and my hope was lost somewhere in this whole drama of life.
Our doc was happy and said since we did conceive that means both egg and sperm are working so he wanted us to go for publicly funded IVF. And ofcourse for that one year waiting is required. So, now everyday i am praying to god to let us conceive naturally so that we dont have to go through with all that trouble anymore. Its been such a stressful years, only when it comes to baby making.
I am waiting for the moment when i will get pregnant and will give this wonderful news to my dear husband. God will help us soon!

maria