Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
The Baby I Never Knew
well my name is ashanta and i am 27 years old.I have 3 beautiful kids ages 11,6,and 4 and i love them alot so when i found out i was pregnant with number four i was very excited.Not too long after my excitement came the feeling of confusion i did not know if i should keep my baby or not,eventually i decided to keep it.A week later i decided to tell my baby father he immediately told me to get an abortion but i did not. A couple days later i went to a baby shower and my baby father got mad and said he hopes i have a miscarriage well it was almost as if he jinxed me because 2 or 3 days later i started bleeding i went to the hospital and they didnt know what was wrong.Some days later i was in the shower and i saw pink blood go down the drain i immediately knew it was my baby,the next day when i went to the doctor's office they told me i lost my baby i was so hurt.I was only seven weeks pregnant and i never got to meet my baby.For all the woman going through the same thing just remember to keep your head up and everything will be alright.
angel babyMy husband and i were pregnant with our 4th child. We have 3 girls ages 7, 3, and 13 months. After much consideration we decided we would have one more baby and complete our much wanted large family. My OB scheduled me for an u/s at 10 weeks just to date the pregnancy. She said I felt large for my dates. I was sure of my dates so my husband and I entertained the idea of twins in the week to pass. When I went for the scan she said everything was normal except there was some "nuchal thickening" but not to worry. The baby's heart beat was strong at 157 beats/min. She said we would check again in 2 weeks and if it was still there then we would see a high risk OB to rule out Down's or other anomoly. That night a cried until I couldn't cry anymore and I prayed for strength to carry on as normal over the next 2 weeks. I think deep down I knew something was wrong but I still hoped for the best. Finally, after a long 2 weeks, we went for the follow up scan. My husband came with me this time. Now 12 weeks pregnant, the baby was very formed and looked so perfect. Then I noticed the nuchal trasnslucency (the build up of fluid behind the baby's neck). It was very large and from 2 weeks of researching on the net I knew it wasn't good. Next the tech assessed the fetal heart tones and then I heard it. It was a very slow heart beat. The baby's heartrate was only 55. We were then told that we would have to see the high risk ob that day. We had a CVS and were told to not expect a heartbeat when I came back in 10 days. I think my mind had already been preparing for the news. The baby made it another 2 weeks, then at 14 weeks I checked for a heart beat at work with our doppler (I am an RN), and I could not find the slow heartbeat I heard nights before. I knew the baby had passed. An ultrasound the next day confirmed my findings and I had a D&C the following day. I think knowing that it was going to happen helped me prepare for when it did but it also made it harder. I had started to pray for God to take the baby so that we wouldn't go late in the pregnancy and have a stillbirth. My CVS came back normal so they said it was most likely a heart defect but I will never know. I didn't want to know the sex of the baby. WE originally wanted a boy so bad but that seemed so trivial now. Boy or Girl I love my Angel Baby and will always have a special place in my heart.
Torn ApartI'll start by saying that I hope my story is 1 of a kind. I do not encourage of discourage anyone in doing what I did. We're the ones who get to decide.
I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter born May 2005. I had a miscarriage before her at about 5 weeks, due to severe work stress I assumed. She was conceived about a month after and the pregnancy was very healthy for the most part, with me checking for blood every single chance I got. I might have been more concerned if I had known all that I do now.
I had a chemical pregnancy in January 2008 and again in February 2008. I figured they didn't count as much as they didn't last beyond the time my monthly was due, (it came on time both times and all symptoms disapeared) so we just kept at it.
With my next pregnancy I started spotting brown at about 6 weeks but it was so light I only knew because I was checking. I had most symptoms except real morning sickness which I found odd as there were 3 other pregnant woman where I worked (small company) and they were all sick not to mention I was very sick with my daughter and it was just starting with the pregnancy before her.
I went in for an early ultrasound at 8 weeks and the baby didn't look the way I expected, no little arms or legs it looked like a tiny worm. 6 days later the doctor's office called me to tell me that the baby was only measuring 6w1d and I knew that wasn't right even though no one believed me. My cycle alternates 24 and 25 days no matter what. Miscarriages or not. They set up a follow-up ultrasound for a WEEK later (I don't know why they bother) but at work the next day I started bleeding very heavily and passed a large sac and clots a few hours after.
I was very upset but consoled by others who reported having healthy pregnancies immediately after their miscarriage, so of course after reading exactly what I wanted to hear at the time we went at it again. I should also add that I had a bad feelling about that pregnancy and so wasn't surprised by the loss.
So of course since I appear to have no trouble getting pregnant, I was pregnant again. Everything seemed to be going great, I had every text book symptom from the very start. I even told my boyfriend that if I lost this one I'd be shocked and I don't think I could take it, just because everything seemed to be going well. I chose not to go see a doctor, because for all the help I got from my doctors and even at the hospital, it was definately not worth the time.
Of course I started spotting brown again just after 6 weeks. I then went to a different doctor who said I could have a bladder infection and that would cause spotting. It turned out I did have a bladder infection, but 3 days later I started bleeding a bit more (7 weeks) and the next day I was bleeding so much and passing small clots with ridiculous cramping. Even though that happened I still felt there was something just inside left to come out, but it didn't, and when I told my doctor he didn't seem to believe me of course. Luckily later that day the sac finally came out and the bleeding slowed.
As I said I would be, I was and unfortunately am still having an extremely hard time dealing with this loss. It didn't help at all to be around the 3 other women at work who started their journey in January with me because they are all still pregnant, so I had to leave my job. I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm so deeply saddened words can't begin to explain and no one seems to notice or understand what I'm feeling.
At the last visit I hard with the doctor, I asked him for anti-depressants and birth control, he said no to both as he said further testing needed to be done. Tests he never performed or mentioned again including the referal I was supposed to get to see a obgyn. He also explained away any causes I suggested saying that "all women's bodies no matter what" do this and that... Nonsense.
After that we decided tio wait a while before tyring again. My boyfriend and I thought we would be ok unprotected 1 time while I was still having light spotting, well you know how that went and here we go again. This time I'm not attached though as I am still heavily mourning the loss of my last little one. At 4 weeks today, even though everything "seems" to be ok, I'm just waiting and dreading the physical pain of the miscarriage I believe is no doubt going to happen.
I hope that some day we will get it right, but there is so much emotional healing to be done.
Thank you for sharing your stories,
my little angelits now been a month scence i lost my little boy. i was at 18 weeks gestation but still i dont like calling him a misscarriage. i had a natural birth with him. i ended up in the emergance department in the early hours of saturday the 17th May 2008 with pains and a little bleeding. i had previous bleeding but it was only a little bit. at about 9am that morning i got seen by a obstritrition and he said that everything was ok. at about 11-11:30 i felt a pop so i called for the nurse she came in and looked at my pad and said that it was just mucus i should stop worrying and to settle down and she just walked out. i knew that my waters had broke and she did nothing. the pains i had just got worse so i called the bell again and another nurse came in and checked to see if she could hear my babys heart beat, she could hear it and told me she would be back. at 11:55 i felt as though i wet myself so i rushed to the toilet as i sat down i noticed heaps of blood within a second i felt a gush of fluid and my baby came out. he was still alive i didnt know what to do. i called the bell several times and no one came so i started to bash on the door and call for help but still no one came. by the time the nurses got to me he was gone. the made me walk back to my bed with him still hanging there so we could deliver the afterbirth. i didnt get any tests done on him after it happened i couldnt bare knowing that he was going to get cut up. so i dont know why it happened or anything. Oscar william was born at just 140grams and 18cm long on the 17th May 2008. he is sadly missed and i love him so much but its still so hard to deal with everything.
Devastating LossI am 32 years old and have two beautiful girls ages 12 & 8. At the end of March 2008 my husband and I found out that we were expecting our third child. Since this was a total surprise after 8 years, we were so excited as were our girls. We called everyone we knew and told them. My sister in law was especially excited because she was due about 3 weeks before me and we were going to have babies that would be cousins together. The girls were so excited about becoming big sisters. My story is unique because when I had my girls, my pregnancies were completely normal, no complications whatsoever. In fact, they were both a week overdue and both around 8 pounds. So, naturally, I had no reservations about this pregnancy. Well, at about 13 weeks, I started having some really light spotting. Scared to death, I call my doctor, and they wanted to do an ultrasound right away. So, I went in, expecting the worst. To my surprise, the baby was just fine, kicking and moving all over the place. The spotting then stopped, but about a week later I had the same problem. So, again, I called my doctor right away. She wanted to see me right away, so I went in. She listened to the heartbeat and assured me that everything was fine. However, she informed me that the spotting was caused from a uterine fibroid measuring about 4 cm. She was certain that it wasn't interfering with the baby's growth and development and just scheduled me to have a high tech ultrasound at 19 weeks to check the development of the baby and to see the sex as well. So, on June 12, 2008, me, my husband, and my two girls all went to the ultrasound. Everyone was so excited to find out what we were having, especially my girls! So, the ultrasound tech started the test and about 5 minutes into it, she tried to find the heartbeat. That's when we got the devastating news. She couldn't find the heartbeat. She quickly ran and got the doctor. He came in and also looked at every angle for about 5 minutes. He finally told us that our baby had passed away probably 3 weeks earlier. It felt like someone took a knife to my chest. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say or do or think. My poor girls just sat there shaking. My poor husband looked like someone knocked the wind out of him. Everyone was so sad. It wasn't supposed to be that way. When we left the room, my poor little 8 year old was crying. I think that broke my heart more than anything. Then the doctor gave me two different options. Since my body isn't miscarrying the baby on it's own, I have to have a procedure done at the hospital to take care of it. The first was to go ahead and deliver everything. The other was to have a D & C. So, I opted for the second procedure. I am very nervous about everything. This is all new to me and there really aren't any answers as to why this happened. The baby looked perfectly formed on the ultrasound. No obvious signs of defects, but they said there are lots of things that can be wrong that can't be seen on an ultrasound. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. I just pray that my girls aren't forever traumatized over this and that we all can move forward from this experience. I don't know if I'll ever want to try again. Part of me wants to, but I think I would have major anxiety through another pregnancy. I never knew what kind of pain a woman goes through when she miscarries, but hopefully through my experience I can help someone else get through a similar situation.
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