Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.

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10 months past already

Just before Christmas last year I found out I was pregnant it was roughly 24/11/2006 it was the best day of my life finding out I was having my baby that I always wanted I was at the doctors went I found out n I rang my boyfriend cause he was at work it was the best Xmas present ever and I never thought ne1 could take that something special away from us.

Well I was wrong on the 25/02/2007 I went to c da midwife at da doctors to listen to the heartbeat went we tried listing to the heartbeat there wasn't one I knew straight away there was something wrong my boyfriend n midwife told me that it was ok sumtimes it does happen but I knew straight away something was wrong.

So the next day on 26/02/2007 I went for my 12 weeks scan I was so excited just to see my baby n listen to the heartbeat I went to the scan with my auntie and my cousin my name was called n I went in with my auntie my cousin waited in da waiting room I lay on the bed pulled up my top n the nurse put jelly stuff on my belly.

I looked at the machine n I looked at my auntie I said there's my baby I was so happy. I cud c it my auntie smiled at me the nurse looked at me n said I just got to go and get another nurse to take a look she left the room n I could still c my baby on the machine I looked at my auntie again n I said to her I think there is sumthing wrong she just looked at me n said nothing.

Anyway the 2 nurses came back in n she had a look at the baby moving the jelly around on my belly she looked at me and said I'm sorry. Amy the baby has died I lay there in shock I put my hand over my eyes n cried I looked at my auntie n said no no this cant be happening my baby no she looked at me and cuddled me.

I kept hitting her shoulder saying no not my baby no. The nurses spoke to me my auntie went to the waiting room to get my cousin I looked at brenna my cousin as she walked in to the room I said my baby my baby's dead no she gave me a cuddle n started crying.

I was so upset it killed me inside for months 10 months has past already. On 10/08/2007 baby should have been born. It still hurts inside now I'll never forget my baby nothing will ever replace my 1st special angel. Still from this day I think about it everyday n sumtimes I still cry about it. I will never forget that something special and neither will daddy. Finding it hard especially this time of year coming up to Xmas should of been baby's first Xmas mummy n daddy will always have a place in are hearts for u. We know your wit the angels now.

Love u millions.



Miracles and Grief

I am a 44 year old woman and my fiance and I have never had children of our own. We started our journey to parenthood 9 months ago, and many infertility specialists said we would not be able to get pregnant due to my age and T-shaped Uterus. Surprisingly enough, we did get pregnant and found out 12 days ago. We knew we had a long road ahead of us, and thankfully enough, did not tell anyone about our joy. Wednesday, I started to lose the baby and by Friday, I had miscarried. My grief was overwhelming. 2007 had not been a good year for me, and I lost my mother in June. This was just another tremendous loss for me and for my fiance. He has held his pain inside, but I talk to him and encourage him to share how he is feeling. Sometimes, we as women are so consumed with our grief, that we don't realize their grief.

Two thoughts of inspiration for all of us grieving and desiring a family of our own. A miscarriage can be a starting point to a wonderful family. If not, look for other ways to find that fulfillment through nieces, nephews, neighbors, children in need and most of all your friends and family who love you dearly. Second, in the words of my spiritual mentor, all you can focus and pray for is for today. God, show me what is mine to do today. You cannot worry or plan for tomorrow, just focus on what is for you today. The lord will speak to you, so have the ears to hear. God bless and God Speed to you.


My little Skylar Rose

After being 2 weeks late, I finally decided to take a pregnancy test. Lucky me, it came up positive. My fiancÚ and I were happy, yet scared. Everything was going alright. I finally went and got an ultrasound done, and it showed that I was 6 weeks along. My fiancÚ and I were nothing but smiles. We went home, and just gawked over the ultrasound pictures.

I worked like normal and kept myself going with the best smiles I could muster. I started have a dark discharge the day before Halloween. Halloween came, and I was 11 weeks that day. I went trick or treating with friends (I was 19...but I was going with some friends' kids) and I noticed that I felt uncomfortable and was still having a dark discharge.

I finally got home, exhausted. The next day, we went to a friend's house...and we got in a fight on the way home. Halfway there (we were walking), I started really hurting. When I got home (he walked ahead of me out of anger), I sat down, and just tried to relax...hoping I just overdone myself. During the argument, I yelled at him that I was cramping and it hurt. He looked at me with really wide eyes, and ran out the door.

Next thing I knew, our friend was outside with his car to take me to the ER. By the time we got there, my cramps had subsided a I thought everything might be okay. They took me to the ob section because I said I was pregnant. I went through the ultrasound and blood tests. After they did the vaginal ultrasound, I noticed I was bleeding a little bit more. To make it easy and not graphic...I stood up in my room, and just started bleeding down my legs. I screamed for my fiancÚ, and him and a nurse ran in.

After finally calming down from that, the doctor walked in with a grim look on his face. He said that there were no signs of the fetus, that I must have passed it already. He said that I had a complete miscarriage. He said that I would wait a little while to see if I needed a d&c (I didn't). Finally, at 2 AM the next morning, I went home in tears.


PITA - R.I.P. 12/9/07 at 19w1d

My husband and I had tried for 22 months to get pregnant when I got my BFP on 8/22/07. I couldn't believe what I saw on that little test! To look back now, there was always something questionable about nearly every step I took in regards to the pregnancy. The next day I did a urine test and it came back as inconclusive. Four days later on 8/27, I took my first blood test and my HCG level was 151. Two days later on 8/29, my level was 204. Two days later on 8/31, my level was 252. Naturally, I was beside myself and worried to pieces. The infertility clinic called me on 9/4 and asked me to come in so they could check things out. I had a vaginal u/s done & the nurse could barely detect anything. I was 5w3d that day. She turned to me & said, "I don't have high hopes about this pregnancy. It's very possible you will have an ectopic. If you would like to have the methotrexate shot administered, I can ask the doctor to do that this afternoon." I burst into tears & was so hurt & confused. She said, "Would you like to call your husband to discuss with him first?" I said yes & she left the room while I did that. My husband was LIVID! He said, "You are NOT getting that shot today. You will not be getting ANYTHING done unless I'm right there by your side. You ask for another blood test before you make any decisions." I told the nurse I wanted another blood test and she wrote up an order for the lab. She said that she would call me in the morning with my results. When I got home from that appointment, the phone rang and it was the nurse. She told me she didn't have my results yet, but she already went ahead & made an appointment for the shot to be administered for the next day. She also said that if I started experiencing excruciating pain or heavy bleeding, I should go to the ER right away. I went completely ballistic and was completely inconsolable.

I got a call the next morning & the nurse was almost speechless. She said that my numbers had QUADRUPLED since the last test. She canceled the appointment for the shot and scheduled an u/s for 9/13. My husband and I saw the heartbeat for the first time that day (I was 6w2d) & I think that was one of the only times I breathed a sigh of relief after an appt.

Two days later on 9/15, I noticed some brown blood when I wiped. I didn't think too much about it, but was nervous because we were getting ready to leave on a 3-week vacation. The bleeding remained brown and light until 9/17 when it turned bright red & got heavier. That was the night before we left on vacation & my husband rushed me to the ER. I was in and out in 1.5 hours. They did an u/s and couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. They told me to just take it easy on vacation & if it got out of hand, I was to go to the ER immediately. Well, on 9/23 I woke up & had soaked red blood through my panty liner so my husband and I headed to the ER again. We waited EIGHT hours for an OB to tell us that everything looked fine and that I should take it easy. I was in contact by email with my OB between 9/17 and 9/23 & all she ever had to say was, "It could be nothing & it could be something. We don't know." She never once bothered to suggest that I come in to see her immediately after I returned from vacation. In fact, I didn't even get an appointment with her until two weeks after I returned. Apparently my issues were not important enough to her. At that point, I named my little one PITA (pain in the ass) because of all the scares I was getting. It was meant as an endearing nickname & will always be thought of that way.

Fortunately the bleeding stopped soon after I returned home & got back to my routine and healthy eating & adequate water consumption. At my appointment on 10/25/07 (12w3d) we saw the baby on the u/s moving around and waving. That was yet another sigh of relief.

At my next appointment on 11/3, I heard my sweet little PITA's heartbeat and breathed what would be my last sigh of relief until after I delivered. I had another appointment on 11/13 and the nurse midwife was not able to detect the heartbeat on the doppler. My heart sank and I immediately started crying and thinking the worst. She brought me in to do an u/s and after a very long TWO minutes, she finally found the baby tucked way up in my uterus. I saw the heartbeat and saw its spine when it turned around. However, I did not breathe that sigh of relief that time. In fact, I told the nurse that I had irrational fears about losing this baby. She became very concerned and set an appointment for me on 11/30.

I had blood drawn on 11/21 for my AFP screening and my level 2 u/s was scheduled for 12/4. At my appointment on 11/30, I had looked over my receipt and saw an appt. with a doctor I never heard of for 12/3. When I went in to see my nurse, she told me she had received my results on Wednesday 11/28 and wanted to discuss them with me. When I told her about the appointment I saw on my receipt, her face went completely ashen and she said, "I'm so sorry, you should not have found out that way." She then told me that my results came back with an elevated risk for NTDs and a 1 in 10 risk for DS. I was crushed. She referred me over to a genetic counselor, who went over what the perinatologist would be looking for at the level 3 u/s on 12/3. She told me that I could also have an amino done as well. I left her office feeling a bit hopeful. I had been told by tons of people & read online that AFP results are notorious for errors and that my baby would probably be fine.

On 12/3, my husband & I went in for the u/s and the genetic counselor sat with us. The tech asked me if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl and I said yes. My heart began to sink again as she remained silent and kept clicking back and forth. I looked up at the baby & even though I was listening to the heartbeat, the baby wasn't moving very much. The tech then asked the counselor to go get the doctor. The doctor came in & looked up at the screen & then looked at me and said, "You don't have any amniotic fluid. The baby is unable to move around very well at all because of this." She started explaining how a lack of fluid compresses fetal organs and causes complications with limb and organ development. She then asked if I noticed any gushes of fluid and I told her no. The only fluid I ever experienced was what I thought was normal cervical fluid. She said that the fluid was probably absorbed into the body. I cut to the chase & asked her, "So are my baby's chances for survival slim to none." She said, "Yes, and more towards none." She was very comforting and told me over and over again that there was NOTHING I did to cause this. She did tell me that I did need to make a decision as to whether I wanted to have a D&C done or deliver. She said I had up to 5 weeks to decide, but that I shouldn't agonize over it. My husband and I took that afternoon and the next day to cry, talk and discuss my options.

I contacted the counselor on Wednesday 12/5 and told her I wanted to have the pregnancy induced. She got me set up for Friday 12/7. I was at work on Wednesday & Thursday & found that helped keep my mind off of what was going to happen.

Friday morning, my husband & I got up around 6:00 a.m. to get ready to go to the hospital. I was told to call first just to make sure they knew I was coming. I called at 7:15 a.m. & the charge nurse told me that there was a patient still in the room & they asked if I would mind coming back at 10:00 a.m. She explained that they have rooms for women in my situation that are completely private & she wanted to make sure I would be able to be in that room. Naturally I was upset because I was ready to get the process started, but I understood what they wanted and appreciated the effort.

We arrived around 5 minutes after 10:00 a.m. I walked into the nurse's station & was immediately met by the charge nurse I spoke to earlier. She was very warm and very engaging. She escorted us over to Admissions so I could get registered & all that bs. I was then greeted by my first nurse who told me that the room still wasn't quite ready so she took us to another room where it was quiet and we could have some privacy & not have to hear people in labor, babies crying, etc.

I was finally brought to Alternative Birth Center 2, which was indeed a private room complete with a private bathroom. They started prepping me for my IV after taking my blood pressure. Unfortunately I had left my good veins at home because the nurse could not find a vein AT ALL. Every time she tried to find one, she'd see one (but never FELT one) and then when she'd try to access it, it would disappear or spasm. She had to take blood from the middle of my left arm & that ended up being bruised badly. After about 3 attempts, she called in an anesthesiologist. The anesthesiologist was also unsuccessful. She must have tried about 4 times, even using lidocaine to numb the areas she tried. At that point I was frustrated and crying. My husband was sitting in the chair next to me with his head down, clearly upset about the suffering I was going through. My genetic counselor was there & she held my hand as they kept trying. They brought in two more anesthesiologists, both men. They each took a side & they were able to tie the band around my arms tighter, but still had trouble. The one on my right side FINALLY found one to work with, although it was a small one. Once THAT finally happened (after almost an hour), they were able to get the process of induction started almost immediately.

The first doctor I saw inserted a pill called Misoprostol, which was placed next to my cervix. She explained that the pill is used to soften and shorten the cervix to allow it to open. Naturally, my cervix was high, rock hard & tightly closed. She also said that the pill would be inserted every 6 hours depending on the progress. She prepared me by telling me that at this stage, it could be a lengthy process. That was Friday at around 12:15 p.m. DH was there with me & ILs showed up about 20 minutes after the first pill. We just sat around visiting and then my sister arrived around 4:30 p.m. DH, unfortunately, had to work from midnight to 8:00 a.m. so my sister stayed over night with me on Friday night. Everything was pretty much uneventful until early Saturday morning when I was having my 3rd dose administered & the doctor told me that I had dilated to 1 cm and my cervix was nearly thinned out. I woke up around 6:30 a.m. Saturday morning & had felt some moisture below & realized I had started bleeding. The nurse came in & told me that the bleeding was a good sign and that things were starting to happen, but it wouldn't necessarily happen any time soon. It was then that I decided to have the epidural administered just in case things decided to move quickly. They made a big deal about it just because it required yet another needle to be inserted (I was very well known throughout L&D because of my IV issues), but the worst part was getting the numbing medication. Everything else was a piece of cake. After I became fully numb throughout my lower region (strangely enough, my right leg never got numb, but my left leg was numb enough for both), they inserted the catheter in my bladder which meant no more getting out of bed (that was a challenge the first day & night because I had to bring the IV stand and belly monitor with me). The rest of Saturday was pretty much the same. I visited with my in-laws and DH and just relaxed. After my 12:30 a.m. dose, I went ahead & tried to sleep. That was probably the most I slept the whole time I was there. The night nurse woke me up around 4:30 a.m. to take my vitals, but that was the only time I was disrupted. The doctor came in at around 6:45 a.m. & gave me what would be my last dose of miso. She said that I was still only dilated at 1 cm, but my cervix was thinning out even more & she said that she had a feeling it would happen sometime that day.

I had asked for some food around 9:00 a.m. & the nurse said that because of the epidural, they wanted me to just have liquids like broth, juice and jell. I had all that and some soda. At around 10:30, a social worker came in to talk to me and after about 15 minutes, I was feeling cramping. I thought it might have been gas from the soda, but it was starting to hurt, so I called the nurse in. My nurse Jill, the first one I worked with, came in & asked how I was feeling. I told her about the cramping & although I didn't see it, I think she looked over at the fetal monitor & may have saw that something was happening, so she said she was going to have a look. She then asked me to bear down like I was having a bowel movement. I couldn't feel a thing down there, so I had no idea whether I was doing it or not. She then asked me to cough a couple of times. After the second time, the worst wave of nausea came over me and I ended up throwing up for almost 2 minutes. When I was almost done, she looked up at me & said I was delivering! I was in shock! I had NO idea anything like that was happening because I couldn't feel a thing down there. She asked me to bear down & cough a few times and after about 3 minutes, I finally delivered my PITA. DH & I had made the decision that we did not want to see the baby afterwards and we did not want to know the sex so they immediately took it (I say it only because we weren't able to find out the sex at the u/s on 12/3 - something I believe was meant to be). They waited to check on the placenta & I ended up passing that about 10 minutes later after one small push. The sigh of relief I took after that last push would be the last I would ever experience as part of this pregnancy.

It was understandably an emotional experience, but I couldn't help but feel relieved that it was all over and that the healing and moving on could actually begin. The heavy bleeding came almost immediately & lasted most of the day, which of course is normal. A while later, Jill came in & told me that the perinatologist I saw on 12/3 (who, incredibly enough, walked into the room right after I delivered the baby to check on me) determined visually that the baby did, in fact, have Downs syndrome and several neural tube defects, including spina bifida. She told me that she believes I made the right decision by delivering so I could get the answers I need. I should be getting the autopsy results in a couple of weeks, but we know that the baby would've never made it to full-term. I'm hoping I can get some answers as to why I had such little amniotic fluid. I was discharged at 8:00 p.m. last night after spending nearly 60 hours in the hospital. I couldn't wait to get home to my cat, my own bed and my shower! It felt great taking that shower & brushing my teeth & just lying in my own bed.

This experience has been the worst experience I have dealt with in my 31 years of living. I will never truly get over what has happened and I will never forget my first child. However, my faith in God is strong and my DH and I truly believe that we will be blessed with healthy, strong children and are ready to start trying right away. In fact, PITA was strong as well. PITA wasn't going away without a fight and did truly fight to the very end. Physically, I feel fine. I have absolutely no pain & my bleeding is very light (it could be because I haven't really moved much - who knows?). Emotionally, this will be a long road to travel, but I am surrounded by wonderful family & friends and have received so much love, support, comfort and care.


My baby

I found out I was pregnant on a Thursday afternoon, having married very late and conceiving at age 38 for the first time this was to date the happiest day of my life. I had always wanted a child ever since I was a child! Imagine my shock and fear when two days later on Saturday I started bleeding and consequently lost my baby!

To date I don't understand what happed to cause the loss and I cry myself to sleep everyday thinking about it. Maybe I will try again but am afraid now that am older my chances are thinner. I made a mistake by trying to pretend I was ok and refusing to try again. DON'T isolate or blame yourself if it happens grief then try again I wish I had done that.


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