Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
I had my second miscarriage on Nov 19th '07 (the day it started). I was 9 weeks along and after a day of Xmas shopping and no real symptoms (although heavy clear discharge the day before) I passed some brown blood followed by bright red bleeding and heavy cramping.
My first miscarriage was completely different because even though I passed a little brown discharge I had no pain or bleeding but was scanned at 8 weeks to be on the safe side and it was discovered that my baby had died, possibly weeks before and so I chose to be admitted to hospital for a d&c. My partner, family, friends and workplace have been brilliantly supportive but the sadness is numbing.
Toni, I completely understand what you mean about JLo et all and it always seems that the whole world is pregnant and gloating about it when you are suffering unbearable grief.
I try to stay positive by focusing on the fact that I am able to get pregnant and it will work out for all of us.
Changed me forever!35 days after my period, I was experiencing early signs of pregnancy so I took a test and it was positive...then I took two more and they confirmed my excitement. My BF and I were elated, and couldn't be happier. At 6 weeks, I began to bleed, and it progressively got worse. The cramping was more intense than my period cramps. All I could think was that this was not happening to ME! God wouldn't let this happen.
I went to the emergency room and they performed a vaginal ultrasound that could barely find the sac. They also performed a pelvic exam to make sure that my cervix was closed, which it was. My HcG level steadily declined and the hospital discharged me with having a threatened miscarriage. Two days before going to follow-up with my OB doctor, I urinated and to my horror wiped my vagina and saw a large jelly-like substance on my toilette tissue. I went ballistic because in my heart, I absolutely knew that it was the embryonic sac! God Bless my boyfriend, because he had to hold me down because I was so inconsolable and writhing in emotional pain. I should have saved the tissue, but I was in a state of shock...I flushed it down the toilette. Later, my doctor performed a D&C and laparoscopy and confirmed that I passed the embryo sac, so there wasn't much that he had to do.
It has been very tough to move on and very rough on me when people bring it up that they're sorry. I tell them that I understand and that it's OK, while inside I tell myself that it's definitely NOT! I often wonder what it would have been like to hold my first child...to sing lullabies to him/her, to dress them up, take care of them, and watch them sleep as if they were an angel. My BF and I were already preparing for his/her arrival even though I was in my 7th week.
The only thing that gets me through heart-ship is to plan for the next and know that I am not the only one that is grieving the loss of an unborn baby. I now plan to watch what I eat, exercise more often, accept other's faults and encourage them to do better, and just be generally healthy inside and out. This experience that I will never forget and forever mourn has changed my life forever. I tell all of my friends and family to hug those that you love and be more thankful for them, because I would never wish my experience on anyone!
All aloneI am only 24 and I have already been blessed with three beautiful little boys. I also have a wonderful husband. I decided in June that I wanted another baby. Well early July I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited. The news came on a Thursday and my husband was leaving Friday morning for a camping trip with my male family members. Saturday morning I woke up ready to take on the world. I pulled out all my maternity clothes and all my baby clothes. I washed them all. I felt so good that day. My energy was high and I actually wasnít sick or tired.
Around 5pm I stopped so I could make my boys dinner but before they could eat I had to bathe them they were so dirty from being outside all day. I took them in the bathroom and ran the bath water sat down on the toilet and it happened. I started to bleed. I instantly started to cry. I called my mom and told her she told me to calm down and she would send my cousin to finish bathing the boys and feed them she wanted me to lie down. I called my OB and of course no one was there so I waited a little while and went to my moms to see if she could take me to the Emergency room. She said she would and we were off.
No one at the er really seemed worried about it. I knew that bleeding during pregnancy was normal because I am a reader but I just had a really bad feeling. The doctor confirmed my worst nightmare. I had lost the baby. I didnít know what to do. My husband was unreachable we had tried and tried to get a hold of him. The doctor sent me home and when I got to my mothers I decided to go home. So I took my boys home and Freaked out Iíve never cried so hard and felt so alone. I wanted my husband. I needed my husband.
The next morning I still couldnít get a hold of him. Finally at 3pm my mom reached my father. She handed me the phone and I heard my husbandís voice on the other line. I didnít know what to say. He was 100 miles from home. I started to cry and I said hunny I lost the baby. He didnít understand WHAT he said "The baby's gone Shane, I lost the baby." Silence fell on the other line. We'll be right there. An hour later my husband walked threw our front door with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. He ran to me saying Iím sorry Iím sorry.
The next few days were horrible. We met with the doctor on Tuesday she assured me I did nothing wrong sometimes it just happens. She told me she was sure we would have a healthy baby and we could even start trying in September. So in September we started trying again. And on October 21st I found out I was pregnant. I am now 14 weeks pregnant but scared to death something will go wrong. I pray everyday our baby will be ok and my doctor always reassures me.
Too soonAfter the loss of a down's syndrome baby at 22 weeks (almost 8 years ago), my husband and i thought we'd be able to have a healthy baby sometime in the future. Seven and a half years of "not preventing" pregnancy finally resulted in a pregnancy that we discovered in early September, 2007. I asked my husband to keep it quiet for awhile, but he could not contain his excitement. He blasted a text message to everyone on his cell phone to share the good news. Congratulations came from all angles, as everyone knew that we had been hoping for a baby for many years. Quite prematurely, we selected baby furniture, created a baby registry, and began to prepare a nursery.
My 9 yo son from a previous relationship couldn't believe he would actually be a big brother, and he hung his high hopes on having a little brother to "show the ropes."
On Sunday, November 18, I started to have period-like cramps with light bleeding. I was supposed to be 15 1/2 weeks pregnant, and I had stopped having the "pregnant feeling." I just thought I was having an unusually pleasant pregnancy, until I had the cramps and light bleeding. I knew there was nothing that could stop it from happening if it indeed was happening, so I waited until the next morning to notify my ob/gyn.
He indicated that it was likely nothing to worry about but, just for peace of mind, I should come in for a check. I was there 20 minutes later, laying on the exam table, while my doctor used a doptone to search for a fetal heartbeat. He could only find my heartbeat, yet he said we should not panic. I knew right then and there; it was too late for panic. It was time to grieve. Nonetheless, my doctor did a vaginal exam to determine if my cervix was open, which it was not. We then moved to the ultrasound room, where the reason for my grief was immediately confirmed. The baby hadn't grown past 13 1/2 weeks, and I had been rubbing my belly for the past 2 weeks for no reason. Sometimes, I am astounded at how cruel reality can be in retrospect.
My doctor felt I was too far along for a D&C, so my husband and I went straight to the hospital to initiate the labor process. How odd it is to walk into a labor and delivery unit and "settle into" your room for this reason. My doctor had called ahead to let them know I was coming, and the nurses had already hung the small wreath with blue flowers on the door - the unmistakable sign to hospital staff that this room contains a miscarrying mother - proceed with sensitivity and care.
After 2 rounds of Cytotek that would force my uterus to contract, and 5 1/2 hours of pain, both physical and emotional, one final contraction closed the physical process of delivering. There was our baby, perfectly formed with tiny fingers, toes and ears, laying limply, lifelessly on the bed. He was a boy, just as my son had hoped for, only 4 inches long. What an unbelievable sight, so surreal, and so cruel.
Since this was the second time I had to deliver a dead baby, I wondered what I had done to deserve such a cruel end to high hopes twice in a row. This sealed my husbands belief that God does not exist, because the kind God he has heard about couldn't possibly inflict this pain twice on one couple. We are having genetic and chromosomal testing done on the baby, and maybe this will give a us a medical reason that we can do something about in the future.
Above all else, I'm sad that my son will not be a big brother as he had hoped, and that my husband will never know the joy of delivering a living, breathing baby. How sad that his two experiences with birth have not been that of a proud father, but instead as a grieving man whose dream of being a father lays dead with his baby. Twice. Reality closes in as we accept our loss, and learn to grieve not only the loss of the baby himself, but also of the hopes and dreams and plans we had for him and our family.
We trudge forward...thankful for each other, hugging and crying together, knowing that just as before, the sadness will ease and life will return to what it was before we found out we were pregnant.
Hard and sad timesI had a miscarriage just under 7 months ago I was 6 weeks pregnant. I have only just started to think about what happened because when it happened I blocked it out. I didnít talk to neone I lost my partner of 4 years because I pushed him away. I pushed my whole family away my life turned upside down.
But now thank god I have my partner back. I also have a 3 year old daughter who means the world to me. At this moment in my life I feel very low because I would have been 8 months pregnant and I canít help thinking what would have been if I hadnít of lost my baby I cry every time I see another baby itís so hard. I would love to have another baby so hopefully soon we will try.
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