Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
Baby at 12
Hey yall. I have decided to share my story here goes: I was 12 years old and very interested in new things!! And my mom has been on drugs since I was a baby and she really doesnít care what I do, so one night me and my boyfriend Mikey decided it was time.
We had been going out for a year now and I thought I didnít need to use protection. He was 16 I was 12, and after we did that that whole week I did nothing but throw everything up I ate. It was horrible, and then my little sister Priscilla asked me if I was pregnant and I said no. So I went and got a pregnancy test and I was. So I told my mom and she didnít really care.
I was about 2 months when I went for my ultrasound and they said that the baby was not alive. I was so devastated, finally I had to deliver it that was so hard. After that I did nothing but get in trouble with the law and now I am 16 years old and I am in foster care and I am about to move to Australia with my father who I havenít seen in 5 years.
Me and Mikey broke up about a year ago. And I have a new boyfriend now named Caleb and we are planning on getting engaged after high school and planning on having a baby. That is my story for all yall young girls please just wait; donít be in such a rush to grow up.
Keeping the faithWell first of all I'd like to let Kym know how sorry I am to hear about her loss. It certainly is a very heartbreaking story, but she is an inspiration to many of us who have suffered the pain she is enduring. Thank you Kym for your story and I hope that the future holds a healthy & happy baby for you and your partner.
I'll start with my story now. I hope that this brings some closure to myself and maybe even some understanding for others in the same situation.
I'm 24 and in the past few months I'd been thinking about having a family. 6 months ago I had an abortion. I didn't want to do it but felt I had no choice in my situation. Since that day I realised that I wanted to have a baby. My partner didn't want me to abort, though family pressure got too much and I did. I'd been suffering from mild depression since then and had been having trouble with my pill since.
About 6 weeks ago I did a pregnancy test just to rule it out. It came back positive. I immediately made a doctor appointment to confirm. I'd already made up my mind and regardless of what any one else felt, wanted or thought, this baby was ours and I was going to go through with the pregnancy. Of course I felt the initial fears, and shock & all the emotions you feel when you just find out your pregnant. I wasn't trying to become pregnant; I was on the pill. A second abortion seemed like an option & I got so angry with myself for even letting it cross my mind.
So the week I found out I was pregnant we went on a holiday. During this holiday we told our families, who naturally were all rapped to here the news. We've been together off & on for about 6 years and it seemed as though our future was now going to be set in stone - we even discussed marriage! (Which is still on the cards). While we were away I bought a few things, but couldn't get overly excited about being pregnant. For some reason I think I knew that something wasn't right. I kept saying to my partner "I just don't feel right" I'd had most of early pregnancy symptoms, nausea, headaches, tiredness, moodiness, so having those kept my mind straight.
So back from holidays & I thought I book for a scan thinking I'd be further along. The day cam and I was really excited thinking I'd be seeing a little baby on the screen. I took my mum with me as my partner had already arranged some work. The waiting with a full bladder was terrible. The scan didn't reveal much but it showed that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. I was a bit unsure of those dates because it had been about 8 weeks since I'd done a test. But I trusted the scan and didn't think much else of it, plus she said that every thing looked normal for that stage of pregnancy.
Two days later, Good Friday, I woke early and started to do some housework. I had some light cramping which I thought was normal for that stage of pregnancy. Through the day it started to intensify and that's when I started to get a bit worried. So I rested and thought that if it got worse or I notice some bleeding I'd ring the hospital. A few hours later I went to the loo and sure enough I noticed some light spotting. I knew that bleeding wasn't a good sign but I continued to rest until I thought I should go to the hospital. By about 1pm I was really concerned and got my partner to take me straight to the hospital.
I stayed there for a while, the cramps got a little worse and the backache was getting ridiculous. I stayed for about and hour and a half and then we went home. I got home and went to the toilet a little while later; during this time I must have passed the tissue. As soon as I seen it I knew what it was. I was horrified to see it & I sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes just bawling. Then a sense of calmness washed over me. I knew I had to get back to the hospital. I rang my mum & she drove me.
I didn't cry again until after the doctor confirmed it. I knew there was something wrong because I felt so light in my stomach & the cramping & backache had eased considerably. I thought they'd keep me in over night but I was glad they didn't cos I couldn't have stood being in there alone. I needed my partner.
I cried myself to sleep that night. The next day I faced his family and it was terrible. His mum, who I share a great relationship with, was like "oh well you'll be able to try again". I was just gob smacked that she said that. I thought she'd have a little more compassion than that. Her daughter is pregnant about 28 weeks and that made me feel like a complete and utter looser. I couldn't carry a baby and she could. I couldn't even stand being in the same room as her, and she is and has been a very good friend since I started dating her brother.
I've felt the emptiness before from the previous couple of months. But this was different - the feeling of not being able to carry my baby made me feel terrible. I'm trying my hardest not to let this ruin my life. I know that it is possible after miscarriage to have healthy pregnancies, but sometimes that just isn't enough. And the unanswerable questions are endless. I don't think I've had a situation where there haven't been any answers. I know I'll never know and I'll accept it for what it is one day but it is just hard to get past those questions. My partner has been great in supporting me. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't.
So it's been a week now - today actually - since it happened. It feels like it has just dragged on for a long time. I went for my check-up and the miscarriage was complete. We've done the dreaded thing of telling our family about what has happened and that in it self was so difficult. The doctor told me I need to give myself some time to get over the last six months and I plan on doing that - but I'm very excited about the future. Some times I feel that is wrong but I would love to have a baby & to feel the joys of creating a new little life.
I hope that this is okay, I don't want to read it because I'll probably change it fifteen times. I think the first one is the best - it has more feeling. So thank you for the chance to write this down. I do feel better after doing it. I know that it will be a slow recovery emotionally and I need to take it one day at a time, I guess it is such a shame to be feeling these feelings. But Iíll keep the faith and pray that I can get through this & that all the women who've experienced it can get through it too.
lauren and goodnight18 yrs, pregnant and only 3 days to go, well thatís what I thought. I wake up with my partner to see him off for the day, but I felt heavy; I didnít feel right. I asked Simon to listen to her heartbeat. He did, and said every thing was fine but I knew; he left, making sure I was in bed and had my kiss.
"Hunny, come home. I am going to the hospital". "Ok Iíll be there soon". As we phoned for the taxi I tried to poke her to wake up .We were in a waiting room. I see two other women sitting in front, they knew too; "Follow me Maria".
I was strapped onto a monitor but no sound. Three other midwifes came in and tried, I looked at Simon he knew now. A little movement, "did you feel that?" I asked. The midwife smiled and said, "that is a contraction". The lady in scan room held our hands and said the words I had feared: "sorry".
Simon cried but all I could think of was how soft this ladyís hand was, I wonder what cream she uses. Mum came to the room with my dad, then Gary and Tracy (long time family friends). They all cuddle and cry. The consultant came in: ďtwo days you have to wait to deliver.Ē What I have to deliver to I just wonder. I went home I slept those two days.
I was in a forget me not room in the hospital; a room where I would stay until I went home. I had my mum, mother-in-law, Simon, and Nan with me at all times. It took a day and a half to be fully dilated. I was so drugged up.
It was time; I pushed and pushed till Lauren came: 12:55pm 7lbs 3rd June 2006. She looked like her dad dark her chubby legs. I never heard her cry, I never saw her eyes, I never kissed my sleeping angel.
4 miscarriages and I feel very depressedI was reading some articles about miscarriages and decided to post my own. Well I have had 4 unbelievable miscarriages; donít know how it happened. The questions are still there.
I am soo stressed out because I just loss the 4th baby and the doctors never seem to see what is wrong.
I wish that one day I would be blessed like some mothers with a healthy baby.
Thank you KymI usually don't write too much on the Internet I feel the need to give back as I have been giving today. Your story Kym was so close to home and my eyes cried huge tears wishing I too could force myself to believe that this miscarriage I had this week will someday make sense?!!? I want to make sense of all this heartbreak and sadness so bad, but the hurt has to be felt first before I can heal. Your story reminded me that Iím not alone and I'm not crazy. . Your story touched me so that I want to write about mine so maybe I can give a grieving soul out there a minute of sanity and closeness as you have given me.
Kym, you are wise beyond your years and we MUST make ourselves believe that Jesus has a plan and it will all make sense one day. He is there for me and I pray you know him and I hope every woman out there cries out to him because he's the one with the plan. Tragedy on life causes us to learn lessons that make us humble and able to say, ďI HAVE BEEN THERE! I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!" and those are healing words to the lonesome soul. Anyway, here's my story...
I wasn't sure if I ever wanted kids, but I knew I could be a great Mom some of the time...I had began to think I couldn't get pregnant by the age of 28. I have never really been on constant birth control and always managed to get my monthly period. I wanted a family but couldnít seem to find the right man. I am in the Air Force so moving around and partying kept me from looking in the right places for love and family.
I met a man from Savannah GA at a concert and eventually ended up sleeping with him and getting pregnant the 1st time we were together. We were drunk and I was didn't worry about anything back then, I really liked what this guy represented...he was an engineer and was from Savannah and was so cute and of course the thing that really won me over...he didn't really like me and I fell hard. Wrote him a letter that I was PG and he wrote back that he never wanted to be a father and he wanted me to consider abortion, I wasn't surprised. Had a miscarriage at 8 wks.
I never told him, he never wanted to be told. It hurt to lose the little girl (my Mom felt it was a girl) but it would have been hard so I picked up the pieces pretty easily and moved on realizing it really was best. The news of the m/c allowed me to end things with my long distance fiancť who was not living with me due to being on patrol. I came to FL pregnant and miscarried there and I had to tell him I cheated on him and we fell apart, thank God!
Fast-forward 3 years. Now it is April 2007 and I have been married to a good hearted and loving military man for 2 yrs. We got married in 2005 and 1 month later he gets orders to leave me for a year. We make it thru and in Feb 07 I get pregnant!!! Expecting my period March 1st and it doesn't come so I take pg test at home, negative. So I continue to live like a sailor, drinking, smoking like crazy, and to top it off abusing my adderall (speed) for ADHD and not eating. All the while this little fetus is trying to survive in what must be like a nuclear blast in my womb.
Early in march I feel tired and hungry and I took another pg test a week later and it was positive. I was scared but excited because I needed something to motivate me to stop my downward spiral of chemical abuse. My husband was so happy. He always called me "Mama Bear" and now he would say, ďYou really are going to be a Mama Bear now!!" He would talk of fishing trips and how he couldnít wait to teach his child how to hunt. He was going to give up the drinking because his Dad did when he was born.
Well, for the 1st few weeks I hammered it in his head, ďDonít get excited yet because I had 1 m/c and its possible it can happen again...so just be prepared". You never can be prepared and I know this now. I prayed and told my family and they were all praying for us and the baby. They were planning a trip in November for the birth (due date was set for Nov 8th,my baby sisters birthday). I planned on getting out of the military and leaving behind a job I hated.
I had hope and a genuine sense of hope and I wanted this to work more than anything. I had spotting my 1st m/c so I figured as long as I didn't see any blood that I was doing great. Every time I would go to the bathroom I would be rejuvenated to still have fresh undies, as was the sign that everything was fine. Everything was not fine. I made an appt for the 1st ultrasound and called my husband to meet me at the Dr's office because I wanted him to see the baby's heartbeat. I was estimated to be 9 weeks pregnant.
The Dr began probing my belly for life and there was a dead silence in that room that haunted me from many years ago. I was watching the screen knowing I was fine and his equipment must be outdated or something. He says we need to try vaginally and still he finds no heartbeat. The lights come on and he says the fetus looks to be about 4-5 weeks old. I want you to go have some lab work done and to have another ultrasound at the hosp where they have better machine. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He said either your dates are wrong or the fetus stopped growing at 4wks.
When he walked out the room I was about to go into shock for the 1st time in my life. A loud ringing in my ears began and I lost all energy I had and couldnít stand. I went to hosp and went thru the tragedy of no heartbeat. That part sticks with you and all hope that you saw in your childrenís eyes goes dark. You can't see what is going on in your belly but at least you have some hope. My hope died the second I looked in that Dr's eye.
I left the hospital and was on a roller coater of emotions. Mad because I didn't think it was fair that I had no kind of warning that I had miscarried a MONTH ago and had even told everyone of my pregnant even after the baby was long gone. On the ride home I began to look at all the bad possibilities in everything...like what happens next time, my whole pregnancy will be masked with the fact that the baby is dead and waiting to get to DR every month to see if my suspicions are right.
The only thing that I could see good out of this was that I could begin to smoke cigs again (and I had a lot of catching up to do) and I wouldn't have to drink that awful caffeine free diet coke. So the first thing I did when I left hosp was stop and get a pack of cigs and a 12 pack of cold diet cokes. That was all I had left that day to lean on and it wasn't much. My husband tried to console me best he could as we went straight to bed and I laid in the fetal position and cried like a baby for being so dumb. I cried for the fact that I probably did this to my baby. I felt like a failure and I felt Broken!
Its one thing to feel "repairable", but to not be able to carry a child makes a woman feel useless and broken. I felt like I was a beat up old junker car that needed to be towed off and dumped into the junk lot...I wasn't even feeling like I was worthy of taking up space in the spare parts lot. I wished I had died along with that little boy of ours that never stood a chance. I felt empty and numb and thought to myself...I need some pain pills to numb this pain that I don't want to deal with ever again, then I drifted off to sleep in my husbands loving, unknowing arms.
It's one week later and I am feeling better. Time is starting to soften the pain of loss and failure. Time is like a band-aid, but we keep those scars of heartbreak forever. I can live with a faded scar, itís those open infected wounds that kill. I still cry and wonder. I know how you feel and it SUX! BUT, I have learned that sometimes when you have to work real hard for something or you even have to lose something and fight like hell to get it back, you learn a valuable lesson through that awful game of tug-a-war...You learn to appreciate whatever it is you're fighting for more than anything, and you take care of that thing you worked hard for and you don't mind giving your heart and soul away to keep it safe because its appreciation value is priceless to you.
When You can actually say "THANKYOU JESUSĒ, even after you had cussed him while the turmoil was happening to you in the beginning...Words cannot describe what that feels like.
We will try again but I am going to be in a different boat next time around and damn it, if I m/c for the 3rd time, then at least I won't have this guilt on me like I do now. I can live with the fact that I did everything I could have done if I get pg again...I am still opening a new book in my life even though I m/c...Its first chapters are planning to be all about ME and my road to getting prepared for my Baby that Jesus can't wait for us to have! I have to keep the Faith.
Thank you for reading my story. If you have been through miscarriage...let others know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can have a baby after 2 m/c. I believe In You KYM and I pray for you and your future children.
And I end with..."This too shall pass..." God Bless...
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