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playing the odds

We found out I was pregnant on 1/1/07, only to have miscarried on 1/25/07. The week it happened, I couldn't talk about it without being in tears... I was sad for not being able to realize the future I had envisioned with the baby. I was scared for wanting something I can't have.

I am 44. My boyfriend and I decided to let nature take its course, and I became pregnant after 1 year. We weren't expecting much given my age so we were overjoyed. We thought getting pregnant was the hardest part, now we know better.

If there's one thing positive out of all of this is that I found out how much I really love and appreciate my boyfriend. We talked about our disappointments, sadness, options, and how we're going to move on. His support helped me to put things in the right perspective.

We decided this is a delay. It'll be great if I can become pregnant again and go on to have a healthy baby, if not we can adopt. It's important for us to have the option of adopting; it takes the stress out of trying to conceive.

My menstrual cycle started today, almost exactly 4 weeks from the date I miscarried. It makes me feel good my body is healing and mentally I am healing too.

Most of you are younger than me so your chances are much better than mine. They say women over 42 have a 5% chance of getting pregnant... now we know we can beat 5%!


shirley

I feel empty

I am 35 years old and I lost my baby at 15 1/2 weeks in 2003 and I still have not gotten over this. I helped my sister-in-law have a baby by donating my eggs to her. 6 months into her pregnancy I found out I was pregnant even though I was not trying.

I went for my first scan at 12 1/2 weeks and saw my baby’s heart beating on the screen and thought I was over the danger period. At 15 1/2 weeks I had a small amount of blood so I went to the hospital to get checked out. They gave me a scan and that's when I knew my baby had passed. It was still lying inside with no heartbeat. My world fell apart.

I have two beautiful daughters, which I am grateful for and I love dearly and I know I’m very lucky to have them. I was taken into hospital the following day and a D&C was performed, I felt like this wasn't happing to me. I feel so empty and found it hard to talk about. 4 days later my sister-in-law had her baby, a beautiful little boy. I feel like I gave my baby away because I helped someone else have one.

Nobody seemed to care how I was feeling, as they were so excited about the new baby. I feel so alone. This was 4 years ago and I am still struggling to come to terms with this.

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a baby, as it is heart breaking. I don't know what to expect from the future as I would love another child but I'm scared of it happening again as I don't know if I could cope with another loss.

I wish you all the very best and hope the pain easies in time.


Paula

Thank You

It probably seems a bit odd that I'm writing on this site, given that it contains stories from women who have experienced a miscarriage and I'm a man. However, I'm writing for a reason.

At the start of November my girlfriend (now fiancé) of 5 months and I found out that she was pregnant. Though unplanned and unexpected, it was an amazing thing to be told congratulations when we got the official test results back.

The next few weeks brought a flurry of activity. Just as we were beginning to notify people of our "news", my girlfriend had a miscarriage on December 18.

As everyone who's reading and writing these stories knows, this is a horrible experience. My girlfriend and I haven't had many conversations about what each of us was going through at the time.

Reading the stories of other people's experience has helped me to better understand what I have been going through, and better understand some of the things my girlfriend experienced.

In light of this, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has shared a story on this site. Your willingness to share has made is a bit easier to face this hard experience.


LJ

my little angel

I was just 15 yrs old when I found out I was pregnant. Of course it was a surprise because I didn't think I could have gotten pregnant just by fooling around, with no actual intercourse. Well the guy who got me pregnant was also 15. He didn't want anything to do with me so I decided to put my baby up for adoption.

My parents didn't know I was pregnant because I was really skinny and you couldn't tell. I used to wear baggy clothing anyways so when I was in my 5th month I went into labor and the baby was a stillborn.

The father of my child wasn't there when I buried the baby. His mother was there and now the father of my stillborn child is in prison for attempted murder. My son would have been 7 this year but he's in heaven and I miss him very much.


D.

i had a miscarriage

Well, on April 2005 I found out I was pregnant with my second baby. To my husband and I it meant a lot because we just recently have got back together. We have a beautiful baby girl who at the time was over a year old but beside the fact a baby is a blessing to us this pregnancy meant a lot because we just have gotten back together.

Everything went well until I was 11 weeks pregnant and I went to a regular doctor appointment. Since I suffer from high blood pressure I was in the high-risk clinic so the doctor saw me more than usual. The doctor did a sonogram and she said she did not see the baby, so she decided to do a vaginal ultra sound, and to my surprise she still was not able to see anything. As soon after performing the vaginal ultra sound and not being able to see the baby I knew something was wrong!

She sent me to the specialist right away to make sure everything was ok. The specialist did more deep study and sent me back to my doctor, so when I went back she told me flat out "you lost your baby" I was devastated and started crying nonstop! I always thought that when you loose a baby you had a miscarriage and I did not. The most painful part of it was to go back home with a dead baby inside of you to two days later go back to the hospital to have a D&C performed on you. I still don't understand why this happened to me. Through all this time I can't still recover from the pain I went through.

It has been now almost two ears and still hurts, but my pain was somehow relieved when I took a home pregnancy test and it came out positive. Even though my lost baby can’t be replaced, knowing that I was able to have the chance to be a mother again gave me the hope I lost when I lost my baby. Since I still had questions because I had a week left before my expected period I decide to take like 3 more tests. The other one I took was also positive but the other two came negative! I was devastated to think I lost another child!

Even though I did not go to the doctor I know home pregnancy tests are very accurate and since I am not taking any medication that can change the result of the test most likely was that I had a very early miscarriage. Why me? Will I be able to become a mother again? Sure I have a daughter who is the love of my life and for whom I am grateful, but having children has been something that I been wanting since I have been a teenager, and having the possibility of me loosing a second baby has been devastating to me!!! I know I should have faith, but can't help to stop thinking if I ever be a mom again. Loosing a baby is something that I would never wish a woman to go through. It is the worse pain a human been can go through.

I don't know what to think any more! I feel empty.



Heidi