Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
Miscarriage at 41
After a year of marriage my husband and I were so happy to discover we were pregnant. It was our first child, and I was almost 42 years of age. We took such joy out of every little sign and symptom, and were researching every aspect of pregnancy and birth - from 3D ultrasounds to cloth diapers and cribs. We wanted everything to be just right. I was starting graduate school at the time and it just seemed like everything was going right for us.
Then one afternoon in my 10th week I started spotting, and my husband took me to emergency where I was told my HCG levels were still showing pregnancy and not to worry. We had the first ultrasound to determine the due date and the technician seemed to be having a lot of difficulty finding anything. I was really alarmed, and knew something was wrong. Apparently the embryo was only developed at about 6-8 weeks. Nobody would tell me what to expect. Even online information was clinical and inadequate, and in hindsight seriously uninformative.
Within two days the bleeding became profuse, unlike anything I had ever experienced, with thick clots and blood running out so heavily it was as though an artery had been cut. By afternoon of day 2 the embryo was expelled and my husband and I found ourselves in the difficult position of trying to figure out what to do. We decided to give the baby a neutral name so we could provide a proper "burial" in a porcelain box that we later purchased to commemorate our loss. Each of us wrote the baby a note to express our love and heartbreak, which would also be sealed into the box. By evening I began to experience pain and contractions so intense that my muscles went into shock and I couldn't walk. My husband rushed me to emergency. The bleeding was still profuse, with massive clotting. Blood tests confirmed I'd lost the baby.
I had been scheduled for an ultrasound the next day anyhow, and between two separate ultrasounds I passed a clot approximately the size of a grapefruit. I bled for another week. I have cried myself sick. With Christmas passing my husband and I think about being in our sixth month by now. I will be 42 soon, and every month that passes is an agony of anxiety and sadness. I think often about the child we lost. I wonder how it will feel ten years from now if we are childless and have only the memory of this loss and what might have been. My heart breaks for anyone who could lose or terminate a pregnancy without a twinge of emotion. I had a little life inside me for a few short weeks and my husband and I felt such overwhelming love and meaning during that time.
I will never forget our missing child. I hope anyone reading this posting will have a better idea of the physical and emotional aspects of miscarriage than I did. Physically it is more painful than anything I have ever experienced, including acute septicemia from a kidney infection. Emotionally, I feel alone. Even my husband can only understand so far. We told only our parents because I could not talk about it without crying. At my age there is little comfort in the "you can try again" cliché. My time is not the same as a 31 or a 21 year old. Nobody I know in my age group has had a miscarriage, so there is no emotional support. And people are more unthinking, making comments about the fact that we've been married 1-1/2 years now with no baby, or asking if we want children. We live in a world where empathy is a meaningless word. My heart goes out to all women who experience miscarriage, but most especially to those who have reached an age where childlessness is a very real possibility. For us there is no comfort.
12 week scan not such a joyful eventThe day of my twelfth week scan seemed to take forever. I had bled at six weeks but everything was fine and I returned to my healthy lifestyle and took things easier. I had slight pregnancy symptoms for a while but then I felt nothing. Everyone reassured me that it was fine and when you get to twelve weeks your body has more or less adjusted and you begin to feel better. Got to the hospital and the midwife said she couldn't see anything, partly because my bladder was empty and also because my womb tilts. I was sent to another hospital for a scan. The midwife's face dropped - she called someone else in, her face dropped too. "I'm sorry". My partner and I broke down. The baby was there but no heartbeat. I was twelve weeks but the baby was only measuring eight. Four weeks ago my precious baby had died. I had an emergency D&C and was sent home. That was four days ago and I feel empty, sad, guilty and unsure of the future. My heart goes out to all of you that have or will go through similar things.
i miss u my childIt was my first pregnancy after four years of married life. My husband and I were so happy and made a lot of plans to do. I was having my regular check ups and the first trimester was difficult as I vomited many times. At the end of three months I had a sonogram and I saw the limbs of my baby were developing and every thing was perfect. The doctor said the baby was developing well. At the end of three and half months I went for a routine check up and the doctor could not find the heartbeat. She asked me for a sonogram which revealed that there was no longer a heartbeat and I had to abort it. I had a D and C the next day. I am still worried about this pregnancy. Hope everything goes all right the next time.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U MY CHILDWell here is my story I am a 22-year-old woman in the U.S. army. I haven't been deployed at all in my 3 1/2 years in service, but my fiancé had just gotten back from his first deployment. Well in a matter of weeks within his return home we became pregnant. Although I was a little scared at first I was overjoyed. Everything was going great until one day my doctor wanted me to schedule a vaginal ultrasound.
So on Dec 8 2006 I went in to have it done... I was not expecting to hear what he had to say, which was “I am sorry to tell you this but it appears that your baby has died inside of you” (I was 10 weeks when he died). I can't tell you the pain that I felt when he said that to me. My fiancé was not able to be with me for that appointment so I was by myself and so devastated.
I mean I had no signs at all of miscarriage. No cramping, no spotting or bleeding nothing. So I ended up going 2 days later to a civilian doctor and he said since I hadn't passed the baby on my own I had 3 choices: take some pills, have a d and c, or wait and let my body miscarry on it's own. We waited another week 1/2 and still nothing. I did another ultrasound and no heartbeat and no movement again. I couldn't bare it any longer so we went ahead with the D and C. That was the hardest thing for me to do.
It has been 2 weeks and I am so depressed. I really wanted my baby. I return to work tomorrow after a month of leave. It is going to be hard because I work with 2 other girls who are pregnant and wearing their maternity bdu uniforms and there are like 3 girls who just had a baby and are always showing their pictures. I get so upset because some of these girls just party party party, and didn't really want their babies. But all my life I have dreamed of being a mother. But I know God is Good and when he is ready for me to have my baby I know I will have more kids. But I want this baby.
People seem to think that just because you weren't that far along or since you didn't deliver you have no right to mourn the loss of your child. I love my baby and will love and remember him until my dying day. A part of me left when he went back to heaven but I know he is doing well and watching over his daddy and me. So go ahead, cry for your baby and mourn. Nobody knows the pain you feel when you feel a life living inside of you and you want that baby more than anything and then to lose him/her is an unforgettable pain. God be with all of you mothers who have lost a child by miscarriage or after birth. Our babies are with God now.... Keep your faith and trust in the Lord we will try again and you should too.
My fourth pregnancySix weeks ago my father-in-law was killed in a natural gas explosion. He was an employee of the gas company. I started back to work 4 weeks ago. It has been a very tough time for our family. We have always been a close family. We talk on the phone daily, text daily, and have had a difficult time bouncing back from Alan's (my father-in-law) death.
We have been holding on to the hope that our baby might help bring in the New Year. Alana is what we named our baby. December 22, I delivered her at 3:14. I miss being pregnant.... I miss carrying my daughter. I feel very empty. There was nothing apparent at delivery as to what could have caused this.
I was not a high-risk pregnancy. There was nothing found in an autopsy. We are still waiting for genetic results. I'm not sure there will not be any answers there either. I could go on and on. I hope maybe someone will benefit from this poorly written story.
I'm doing my best.
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