Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
MY LITTLE STAR...
The day I was told I was pregnant I was full of so much emotion. I cried with happiness but at the same time so scared. I already had an idea I was but being told was the biggest shock. I had been with my boyfriend at the time for a long time and he cried when I told him. Soon enough we were so used to the idea. Planning names, planning our future. I was 18 in the October 2004; I fell pregnant round that time. I put on some weight and loved my little bump. I got books from the library, following each week that my baby was developing. I got my belly flutters and knew it was my baby letting me know he was there.
Time flew, and before I knew it Phil and me were at my mum and dadís house, Christmas Eve. We had put up the Christmas tree excited for the next Christmas: me, Phil and our baby. It was only 8:45pm when I went to bed. I was always so tired but I felt a little bit unwell. It was 1am Christmas day when I woke up with severe cramps. I went to the toilet, struggling upstairs. I put it down to food poisoning and woke my mum. She told me off for being so noisy, got up though and helped me back downstairs. I didnít know what was happening. It was when I was curled over the settee and being sick because of the pain when mum knew something was wrong. Phil was still asleep and my dad was woken up. Mum drove me to the hospital at about 1:45am.
I could barely walk when I got there but I was put in a cubicle. It was then the bleeding started so heavy. I was told then I was losing my baby. I had no control, so helpless. I went to the toilets and the bleeding was so bad. Mum was wiping me up whilst I just cried and cried. I went back to the bed I was taken to. I was given morphine but I was just numb. I couldnít believe what was happening. I didnít want to. I didnít even have a scan photo - that was 1week away. It was Christmas day. I thought nothing could ever go wrong on Christmas day.
Mum left me after I was taken to a ward. She had to go home to tell Phil and my dad.
8am Christmas day I was awakened by the nurse who came to clean me up. I was still heavily bleeding. There was a silver brass band in the hospital playing traditional songs. All I could do was cry. It was a white Christmas; watching the snow fall outside my window, I thought it might be a sign from my baby. Silly really, but it was my only comfort. All I could do when Phil came was apologize and still cry. I felt so guilty, angry, but the pain that hurt most was the emptiness inside me.
Me and Phil split soon after, we couldnít cope. I pushed him away so he went away. We were both so upset, he wanted to try again but I just couldnít think of getting close to him like that. I felt it was way too soon and scared to go through it all again. Itís Christmas 2006 in 10days time. I have never spoke of my loss with anyone. Not even my mum. Its still so raw and I donít like getting all upset. Last Christmas was so hard and this one will be too but I know one day I will have a family. You just have to think positive.
From Christmas 04 onwards I think of my baby everyday but all I need to do is look at the stars and know my little star is always looking down on me...
LEONIE - JAYNE
My first baby you will always beFound out I was pregnant even before I took the test. I just knew it when I got sick on the way to work one morning and had to pull the car over. I took 5 tests within 3 days cause I just couldn't believe it. We had been trying for about 5 months and kind of forgot about it and then - what do you know. We were so excited, a little piece of us coming into the world. I had to wait until I was at least 10 weeks before the doctor would see me, which seemed to take forever.
When my 1st appt was a week away I started to get really nervous, I could not pin point why though. Everyone was telling me you should be excited to go to your 1st OB. I wasn't excited; I just had this gut feeling my OB/GYN was going to tell me something was wrong. It was Nov. 14; I was 10 weeks 2 days pregnant. I went for lab first and everything was fine. Then me and my hubby went to the exam room and had our history talk with the Dr., everything was fine. When it was time for my exam everyone stepped out of the room so I could undress and that is when it happened. I started bleeding right there at the Drs office. I hadn't had bleeding before during the pregnancy.
The Dr. said everything should be ok, lots of women bleed during pregnancy. He didn't try to hear a heart beat; I had to wait 3 days for an ultrasound. My Hubby was waiting for me in the car, didn't expect me to come out crying. He couldn't believe what I was saying, "I think we are losing the baby."
Three days later at the ultrasound the tech. would not say a word to us, so I knew something wasn't right. The Dr. called me that night and said that I would eventually miscarry, the baby didn't grow past 6 weeks 2 days and had abnormal configuration. I was devastated. Eric did not know what to do; he was just worried about me. He spent the next 2 weeks taking care of me. I felt ill after my 1st OB appt. and it didn't go away until I miscarried a week and a half later, Thanksgiving weekend. Dr. told me I went through minor labor; the only thing is most people end up with a child after going through pain like that. I had nothing.
It has been two and a half weeks since then, I am not doing so well. I miss my baby even though I didn't have it for very long. I feel like this part of me is lost and I will never get it back. Now there is just emptiness that I cannot fill. We thought it was best to wait till next September to try again due to life obligations coming up in 2007 but I don't know if I can. I have a void now that needs to be filled. I expected to have this beautiful being to love and I cannot imagine having to wait years for this. Will it ever happen? Will this happen to me again? Can I have children? I don't know what to do with myself.
This is all I think about. I am so sad. I know these feelings will go away but it is just so hard now I don't know how to deal with being so sad. If Eric had not been there with me I think I would still be in bed weeping to this day. He picks me up everyday and gets a smile on my face some how. Slowly hopefully he won't have to try so hard to that, and we can go back to how things were. He makes me so happy and with that I will heal.
My little Cherub is goneI lost my baby nearly 5 months ago. I was 25 weeks pregnant. She was just perfect; same eyes like me, same nose as her dad. Meg was supposed to come to this world on the 30th October 2006. Itís really hard to act normal these days. It happened so quickly that we could only cry in despair. I started spotting at about 2.30 am and she was born at 5.10 am, I was all alone at the hospital. The doctor said that my cervix wasnít competent enough to bear Megís weight.
It really annoys me not knowing whether Meg was alive or not when she was born. No one came even though I was shouting. Itís the worst experience that a woman can live through. Iím furious about everything and everyone, especially about myself. Was I at fault? Where did I go wrong? How can I live knowing that Iím somehow guilty for what happened? Mainly when most of my friends who were pregnant at the same time have already given birth to their babies!
I badly wanted another baby and fortunately it happened! Iím a bit scared I might lose my baby again. I already had my cerclage but still I'm really anxious that my worst nightmare will start again. Iíll never forget my first daughter Meg Mc Kenna. Like others keep on saying, I may have other babies in future but he/she will be my second baby. Even though I'm kind of sure it will be a baby boy. Meg is my first love token that Iíve never been able to give to my love Marcus.
I badly want to have this baby boy, I don't know how I'll survive if something happens to my baby this time. Somehow knowing that I'm pregnant gives me faith again but with complications happening every month, I'm already tired at 3 and 1/2 months. I'll be really mad if something goes wrong and I lose my baby. I prefer dying than undergoing all this pain, tears, and sorrows again. Thanks for creating these sites; it helps us a lot as we know we are not alone when we read these testimonials.
I Feel So AloneMy husband and I planned to have a child back in May. We got pregnant the first try and I was so ecstatic, I had to keep looking at the test to make sure it wasnít a dream.
We planned to get married Aug 11, 2006 but we decided to get married in Mexico while I was pregnant with our friends and family. I was SOOO happy; nothing could get me down. I was going to be a mom and I was going to show in my wedding dress.
Then it happened. I started to bleed. Only a little at first, so I called my doctor and they said that they couldnít do anything because I wasnít experiencing cramps and if I did experience them and more bleeding go the emergency. So Saturday went by and there was nothing. I knew something wasnít right, my gut told me. Then I had some more spot bleeding on Sunday, then I woke up Monday morning bleeding more heavily, so I called into work and I went to the doctor.
He told me not to worry, bleeding in pregnancy is normal he said. At this point I was 13 weeks and he said itís probably too early to hear the heart beat with the Doppler and he said to not be alarmed if we couldnít, and of course we couldnít. So he sent me for a scan that afternoon. During the scan, I could tell there was something wrong by the ladyís face. Then she called for the doctor and then I KNEW. He came in and looked at my scan with a weird face and shook his head. I started to bawl. He confirmed the miscarriage Sept 11, 2006. There never was a baby inside of me, just everything else.
I was just sick; I was getting married in Oct 6 2006. So I went home and just bawled. I had to go home and wait for the heavy, heavy bleeding to start. It took a week. Me and my husband stayed home all week and just enjoyed each otherís company and watched movies. Then on Thurs it happened. I was floored by the pain; I was bleeding like a river. So we went to the hospital and I got admitted immediately. So I got a D&C.
I am so sad. Everything was so great and boom! In a second it went down hill. When I got back to work after 2 weeks they had hired another lady and cut back my hours to 2 days a week. That made matters worse. I havenít worked since. Iím just depressed, my husband tries to console me but itís just not the same. I feel empty and all I can think of is being pregnant. And I'm going to worry next time I get pregnant that Iím going to bleed. So this is my last attempt to feel better and get it out. I donít even go out of the house anymore, I canít face happy people.
first miscarriage at 34Today is Monday 11 December 2006 I am typing this story whilst going through a miscarriage and trying to control my tears. I am (was) 6 weeks pregnant and am hoping time is a good healer as they say. I only became suspicious last Monday that I was pregnant when I didnít start my period, as I am regular as clockwork and had nausea and sore boobs and found it difficult to do my run that morning.
I didnít expect the test to be positive and was thrilled when it was. So I went to the doctor and booked an appt to see the midwife. I have a son who is 15 from a previous relationship who was thrilled about the news as was my new husband. It would have been his first child. This morning I awoke and went to the loo as normal and to my horror found a small clot on the paper in that moment I knew although I prayed all would be well. I felt no physical pain at that time but an awful feeling of emptiness.
My husband took me to hospital where they checked my blood and said my levels where already quite low and that I probably had already passed most of our baby. Most of our friends have just had babies or are expecting. I just hope I have the strength to go and see them though I wish them every happiness. We only told family and a few close friends on Saturday. Now we have to tell them weíre not having our baby. I worry now as I get older what our chances are but I am not going to give up yet. I am fortunate to have a loving family and friends and a husband who loves me regardless. Thank you all for reading my story I now realize I am not alone. With love to you all and good luck for the future. Lisa Lord. xxxxx
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