Post your Story

I LOVE THE ONE I LOST

how can it have happened. I so wanted another baby, i have 3 ages 14, 12 & 10. I'd never had a miscarriage, didn't think it would happen to me. I dont drink or smoke, i rested up, i didn't even use hair colour, i ate enough. I have the same partner, never had an operation. why why why did it happen to me? whats wrong with me? will it happen again? Is there something medically wrong? i lost my baby at 11wks, i loved it, i still do, but its gone now. It hurts so much, people say "at least i've got children" i know i'm lucky that i have, but it still hurts so much. There dont seem to be anything else i can think of other than getting pregnant again, but i'm worried sick that i wont be able to cope if this happens again, or worse still, reach further along only to lose it. i Just feel so guilty for losing my baby and guilty that i want to risk another baby to miscarriage.

reading other people's experiences is supposed to make you feel better, how can i make anyone feel better when i feel so bad myself. I know time is a healer and that we will all get over what has happened, but most people cant understand that we need to greive. My heart goes out to you all.

Rachael

My little girl I will only say bye for now but I'l

I decided to get pregnant with my 3rd child it took me 2 months. When I took the pregnancy test and it came out positive I had to look at it over and over to make sure it wouldn't change. I woke my husband up and he looked at me like are you serious. I had a lot of nausea but only got sick 2 times. I was so glad to be out of the 1st thrimester to get over the nausea. The dr. heard the heart beat at my 1st visit and sent me for a sonogram to see that I was due for March 23 not the 30. I begin to feel her move inside of me at around 14 weeks and loved ever minute of it. She made me eat all the time. The dr. sent me to get a sonogram because she thought the baby had down syndrome so I worried a little over that but I went just to find out the sex of the baby. They told me she was a girl. I was so happy because my oldest is a girl and I wanted her to have a sister to play with. On Sunday I hadn't felt the baby move in three days and I thought something was wrong so I called and went to see the dr. and she couldn't get a heart beat. So she sent me for a sonogram which revealed that she had died in me. I was so sad, angry, and scared. I was only 22 weeks pregnant. I thought How can this happen so soon. To someone that I loved. Someone I had plans for. I got to the labor and delivery and was crying all the way there and told my husband that this is a bad dream please wake me up. I got something to lossen the cervix to help me dilate and it took me 26 hours to finally had her. The umbilical cord was around her neck. Her skin was so thin, she was still forming. I got to hold her and then they took her and weighed her she weighed 14.3 ounces and was 11 1/4 inches and made feet prints. They brought her back to let me see her again and I looked to see her little feet. She had my husband and my other kids toes. We had pictures made and put in a memory book. I cried and cried . It has only been 3 days and it still hurts and I just have crying spells that want stop. She will be laid to rest tomorrow and We have a lot of stuff to put in her tiny casket with her. I will try again for another one but It will be a while and it will be hard. My oldest daughter had the cord wrapped around her neck when she was born but she was fine and my son had his tied in a knot when he was born. It seems like a pattern that tries to take my babies life and it got one. My Macayla born on November 21,2006 and went to be with Jesus while she waits till I get there.

Michele

First Baby

I went last Thursday for a checkup and to hear the heartbeat. I got to the office and there wasn't a sound. She wanted me to have an ultrasound on Monday. I couldn't wait- I went on Friday. While laying there on the bed looking at the screen I knew the news was not good. I didn't see any movement at all and then I heard nothing. I was devestated! This was our first baby. We have been married for five years and planned this to the letter. I teach first grade and was very excited about having the baby in May- the end of the school year. I was going to get to spend three whole months bonding with my little bundle of joy. To top off the problems we were having- that Friday that I found out I lost my baby my brother and sister in-law were having their's. The confusing part is that I took excellent care of my body while pregnant- exercised, ate right, I don't smoke, I even stayed away from those who do smoke. My sister in-law smokes- eats unhealthy- and doesn't exercise at all!!! This has been very hard on me. Last night we went to see my little nephew. It was so hard holding him and knowing that this isn't going to happen for me as soon as I would like. I want to try to conceive again as soon as I can but I am soooo scared!!! What if it happens again- I don't know if me and my loving husband can deal with another loss! We have decided not to tell anyone about the next pregnancy until about 16 to 20 weeks- as long as we can keep them from being able to tell we are keeping it a secret. This is the worst feeling that I have ever felt in my life!!!! I know I will feel better it just takes time.

Brandi Banks

It hurts so much

On Friday I went to the doctors for my regular checkup and I took my 2 daughters (7, 5) to hear the heartbeat with me. I was 5 months along. I have heard the heartbeat many times before and have felt it move. WIthout any warnings and any symptoms, my doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. (As my daughters are sitting there recording all of this, in anticipation of hearing the heartbeat.) She said it looks like your brother or siste is being stubborn so we will have to take a picture of him/her. Still thinking nothing is wrong, we went to the sonographer. As soon as she looked at the screen I saw her shake her head. I was so devasted! What happened? I could almost understand if I was having cramping or spotting. But, nothing! One day I was pregnant and the next thing I'm not. I had miscarried 4 years ago at 3 months and found out the day I miscarried that I was pregnant with twins. But with this pregnancy once I made it past the first trimester without problems,(just all day and night morning sickness for 4 months) I though everything would be ok. Due to my past 2 c-sections they had to do a very long and lengthy D&C, which is just devasting to me to know what they they did to my baby to get it out. We were all so happy to have this baby. My daughters have read to it and we were planning how wonderful it was going to be, and now I have nothing. Just a broken heart. Everyone ask what they can do, and all I want to say is give me back my baby! I have 2 other co-workers that are pregnant, one is due a month before I was and the other is 2 weeks after me. April is going to be so hard for me. THis was going to be our last, because I have such bad morning sickness and I have to have c-sections, but I so desperately want to try again. My husband is so supportive and said he will do whatever I want to do. TIme will tell and hopefully heal my broken heart.

Jeannette

35 and 7 Miscarriages

I am 35 and have no children, i have had 7 miscarriages 2 of the pregnancies were twins, Tomorrow 21/11/06 i go and see a specialist for the first time to try and find a reason why this is happening, i have spent 17 years having miscarriages, i feel for everyone of your losses and i say to each and everyone of you DO NOT GIVE UP, the hurt and pain i feel inside is unbearable at times, i could cry for the next 17 years when i think of the loss i have suffered, people never understand unless they feel that pain, i have to try and hold on to some hope that one day i will be a mom, I pray to god the pain stops for all of us, I hope the doctors can help tomorrow, i am a normal healthy 35 year old woman who looks after herself with a partner who i adore and i would not get through any of this without him,
All of you needs someone whether it be a partner, friend, relative or even an animal, find strength from wherever it helps YOU,
I can sit and cry and cry and cry I HAVE DONE but i won't give up my heart has broken 7 times and i have patched it back together peice by peice, My babies i have lost are always with me.
I ahve to be strong because if i wasn't it would be the end for me, that cannot happen.

My message is more to say be strong, stay positive, and never ever lose hope.

All my Love to everyone of you and may all your hopes and dreams come true.

LOUISE (England) xxx

Louise