Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.

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Missed abortion

I'm happy that I found this web-site...its reassuring to know that I'm not in this all alone...I know, its sad to feel a sense of peace from someone else pain.Ii'm 23 years old. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was a bit shock...I overcame the shock and "warmed up" to the though that I will become a mom. My boyfriend was also happy and couldn't wait for the birth of our baby. I went to the doctor and got my first prenatal visit date. I couldn't wait...each day i would count down the days...i was anxious to hear my baby's heart beat. When the day finally came...the doctor examined me...throughtout the entire process I was asking if I could hear the baby's heart beat (I was 14 weeks pregnant) To make the story short...He said that he can not hear the baby's heartbeat. He send me to get an ultr-sound done...the result was the same- fetus demise. My baby died inside of me. I was devastating. I thought my heart was going to break. I had a D& C done at the hospital. I'm not feeling any pain physically...but emotionally...I feel so depressed. I keep asking myself...what went wrong...I am healthy, I try to eat right, I was taking my prenat vitamins. It was my first child. I don't understand...I keep asking, why me? But, each day it does get a little easier to handle. If someone is reading this story...I want to tell you that it does get can fine reassurance in the Lord...I have...only him alone knows why. Trust in him, believe me, he will get you thought your do I know? he is getting me though my pain. Just trust and believe. He will.


Baby Ella

I was estatic to find out I was expecting my second child, a baby girl named Ella. I have a two year old daughter and could not wait for her to be a big sister. At a routine ultrasound at 22 wks, I was told my baby had a fatal condition called fetal hydrops and that she would not live. After the horrific news I could do nothing but cry to my husband , mother, and sisters. I returned to the doctors weekly only to see if my babys heartbeat had stopped, it broke my heart. Three weeks to the day of our diagnosis, my baby passed. I cried in the office for what seemed like forever. Even though I knew this day was coming, I had some hope it was all a bad dream. The following week I had an enduced labour. The hardest thing for me that day was going to the triage to tell them what I was there for. During the time I was in labour, I pushed for a few minutes, while in tears, I held the had of my sobbing husband and the very sympathetic doctor. Ella was born at 13 oz. She was beautiful. She was not fully developed, but she had tiny little features that resembled her older sister. Myself and my husband were able to hold her as well as her grandparents. She was baptized and brought to the arms of the lord and her great grandmas. Days to follow we had a beautiful buriel where we have a place to visit with her big sister. I will never forget baby Ella , she will always be the part in my heart that is missing!


My Beatiful Bella

Leading up to my 12 wk scan I was really nervous and had a real fear that something would be wrong..However, I left the hospital with a sense of relief washing over me as my partner Lee and I saw our babies strong heartbeat on the screen.

After an uneventful further 8 weeks I went for my 20 week scan. Again I had this deep down feeling that something would be wrong.. Even though I regularly felt the baby move, this feeling just wouldnt go away and I refused to buy any baby things until this scan confirmed otherwise. Furthremore I had been having dreams that I gave birth to my baby who was dead...

I was ecstatic, the scan showed that everything was fine and i was having a little girl! I went out and started buying- I was so excited!

My next check up at 24 weeks went fine. I listened to my baby's heartbeat, I had grown to love her so much. After this we went on holiday and i noticed no movement for a few days. i pushed thoughts of anything being wrong to the back of my mind-something I just couldn't face up to.

Back at the hospital the midwife looked really worried,
"I can't find the heartbeat love, maybe it's the baby's position"..
My heart began to race, I just knew as I went for the ultrasound scan. Then I heard the words, "I'm sorry to say there is no heartbeat". Devastated, absolutely devastated. My fears and dreams had come true. My little girl who I loved so much had died.I assumed i would be induced there and then but I was given a tablet to ripen my cervix and sent home for two days. Those two days were terrible, nothing happened naturally. I couldn't believe that I had lost my baby girl, I felt like life had stopped and yet I had to carry on for my other daughter, Elise,5 whom I love dearly.

Two days later I was induced and had a seven hour labour. Our beatiful daughter Bella was born still at 26 weeks gestation, weighing 1lb 5oz on the 2nd September 2006. We named her Bella because it means beautiful .The pain was and is so bad. No, not the pain of labour, the pain of loss and abroken heart which will never mend. I still await the cause of death from the post mortem examination results and blood tests which I am yet to know. There were no signs from Bella or myself of the cause of her death. Although, hard as it may be, I have to accept that I may never find this out. However, it would help if we do.

I have cried and cried until I think I can cry no more...The tears continue to flow. I am new in my grief and hope that time will heal the pain but my beautiful baby Bella I will never forget. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever done and for now I find comfort in the fact that it is goodbye for now but not for ever for I know that i will meet my angel baby again one day.

I will love and remember Bella forever and always.

Nikki Whitehouse

the worst day of my life

last week i lost my baby, i feel depressed and heart broken the doctors say i should wait for menstraul period but i cant i feel so anxious. It take a while for me to get pregnant i one child thats going to be 8 years old. 2 abortions 2 years apart. It seems that i only get pregnant every 2 years. I really wanted the baby i dont know what to do or how to feel


Missing my Twin Girls

In Nov of 2005 I had a Tubal Reversal . I am remarried to a fantastic man who desired a child. I have 2 girls aged 18 & 10 from my previous marriage. I became pregnant by May/06. Were we ever surprised when we found out we were expecting fraternal twins. I felt sooo lucky and couldn't wait to have them and show them off. I had not used fertility drugs, nor do twins run in either family.

I was sooo sick the first 4 months and had had some bleeding at 9 weeks (at which time I thought I was having a miscarriage). I was finally feeling great and glad the summer heat was over. Then I began to feel a "leaking" feeling. I wasn't sure whether I was leaking urine or what. I went to the hospital with my husband. My world turned upside down for the next 30 hours. The doctors sent me by ambulance to a womans hospital, telling us that "maybe" they could try to save at least one of the twins.

The doctors at the womans hospital tried what they could to no avail. There were "so sorry".They said the "membranes were bulging" and it was too far gone to even try to "stitch" me closed. They gave me an epideral and told us that it would only be a matter of time before I went into labor to deliver. I was horrified. I sobbed . I could not believe that I would be delivering my twins any time now. The doctor told us that we would be able to hold them.

I delivered 1 of the girls at 8:37 AM and the next at 9:35. We held our identical twin baby girls and cried while I listened to joyous laughter in the halls celebrating new births. I hated them all. I feel terrible about it now (6 days later) but I wished they had all lost their babies too. I resented them. I can't even watch a diaper commercial without sobbing. I'm obsessed with becoming pregnant right away and I can't sleep without taking something. My stomach feels flabby and empty and my heart hurts badly. I was 20 weeks pregnant and feel so cheated.

Why would God give me twins and let me feel them moving in me and let my pregnancy go on so long and then take them from me. Yet there are so many people out there who don't want and abuse the kids they have. My husband deserved and would have been the perfect father.

All I have are 2 cards with baby "A" and Baby "B" little footprints , time of birth and weight. And a feeling of such grief, I just want them back

Kim Koroll

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