Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.

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This to shall Pass

I lost my precious baby three months (april 18 2006) ago due to an early miscarriage. The pain emotionally and physically was terrible. Partially unbearing at times, but I managed to get through that and now I am ready to try again. It wasn't easy i knew practically no one who had gone through something so traumatic. Every girl I knew was either pregnant or had just had a baby. Very difficult, but with the love from my boyfreind (it was both our first baby) we perservered, and June 24, 2006 we were happily married. We now know not to be so nieve about pregancy, we learned a very valuable lesson that faithful day. Live for Now and not for what may be. A pregnancy does not promise a healthy baby, so cherish the ones you do have with your life. For those of you who are going through this turmoil as you read this remember you are not alone, we love you, dont lose faith, and last but not least This To Shall Pass. Time heals all. Love ya,
Hope, Faith, and Love,
Jackie Lueck, 18yrs. old
Waco, Texas

Jackie Lueck

Moving on

I remember saying to my partner when I came off the pill in April after 5 yrs on it that there would be no way I would get pregnant straight away. How wrong I was! We were never trying to get pregnant (although some might say if you don't use protection you clearly are!), but we were getting married in July and the pill gave me terrible skin so I stopped taking them in hope my skin would clear up.

My periods returned about 3 weeks after coming off the pill so I started to monitor them to see if they were regular etc. My last period was June 19th and was due again a week before my wedding. On the Sunday before my wedding I started to get this horrible abdominal pain and I was terribly constipated. The on call doctor asked me if I could be pregnant and I said no. When they left however, we went to the shops and bought a pregnancy test. I didn't think much of it at the time but about 5 minutes after doing the test, there was a very faint line showing I was pregnant. I did a total of 6 HPT cause I couldn't believe it. We were excited because it was such a big week for us being our wedding and then finding out we were pregnant! We had to wait for the DR to confirm it though and I submitted a test to them. However that one came back negative so I resubmitted as I thought it had been too early for them to detect HCG.

We got married 2 weeks ago and a week later we went on our honeymoon. I wouldn't get my DR test back until the Tuesday whilst we were away. I remember phoning them expecting it to be negative but when they told me it was positive we were ecstatic. That would all change though...

On the Wednesday night, we were leaving the hotel for dinner when I felt a 'gush' sensation between my legs. I knew instantly what it was but pleaded with myself for it not to be. When I went to the loo there was light bleeding. I thought I might be OK but deep down I knew what was happening. My hisband phoned our holiday reps who told us to go to the hospital that was an hours drive away.

I will never forget the feeling I got when we walked into the reception. It wasn't painfull, but I turned to my husband and said I was haemorrhaging. I was taken to a bed, stripped and given this nappy thing to wear. I was then taken to have a scan which showed tiny blood clots in my womb and this tiny, tiny apple pip which was the baby. When they told me I had to have a D n C I just broke down.

After the D n C my husband and I had a long talk. It really helped. As much as this was a tragic event, it made us realise how much we mean to each other and how important it is to talk about these things.

In the back of my mind I'm scared I won't be able to conceive again or if I do that the same thing will happen again. However, after talking to my DR and reading info on the net, I feel more assured that I will have a healthy pregnancy and baby when the time is right.

I strongly believe that what happened was my bodies way of saying something has not formed or happened right and it would not have allowed the pregnancy to continue healthily. I'm remembering now the feeling I had right from the beginning that something wasn't right. Everytime I went to the loo since I found out, I was checking to see if I was bleeding. But I guess I just tried to block it out telling myself not to be silly. After talking to a friend about this, she told me the same thing had happened to her when she was pregnant for the first time. She kept telling DRs something wasn't right but they said no everything was fine. And then at her 12 week scan there was no heart beat. Another friend had a miscarriage before conceiving her beautiful daughter a few months later. There is hope!

My only relief is that it happened very early on in the pregnancy because I can not begin to imagine what it would have felt like to have it happen further on. My heart goes out to those mothers and fathers who have.

I'm thinking positive now and looking to the future. I'm still young and know that one day I will have a baby. That piece of hope is what is getting me through this tragic time.


I don't know what to say

I missed my May 26th period. My boyfriend was more nervous than I was. I went in for a pregnancy test on the sixth of June and came up negative, although the nurse warned me that such early tests were notoriously inaccurate. She told me to come back in a week if my period still hadn't started.

But the day before I was supposed to go back in, Friday, I started bleeding and cramping. I was pregnant once before and miscarried, and the pain was familiar. I was about 90% sure that it was happening again. The next night, at work, I recieved my confirmation.

I don't use disposable menstrual products, but prefer my cheaper, ten-year warrenty "keeper." It's basically a small rubber cup with a tail to help you pull it out. When I went to the bathroom, I emptied it and turning around to flush, saw a tiny, flesh-colored lump about the size of a lima bean, floating in a pool of blood clots in the toilet. I could see the lines suggesting a head and torso, and tiny limbs curled into the fetal position. I felt frozen, and I keep seeing that picture in my mind, day after day. Especially because of what happened next.

It was a Saturday night at the busy Manhattan restaurant where I work. I had a leeway of maybe two or three minutes in the bathroom, tops. So I swallowed, calmly shut down some part of myself that was screaming, flushed and went back to work.

But after work, I couldn't turn that back on. I couldn't just hold my grief and release it at a suitably private moment. It was simply locked up and I'd thrown away the key. I spent weeks wanting to--needing to sob like my world had ended and being physically unable to shed a single tear.

I had a brief respite two weeks later when my boyfriend cornered me in his kitchen, wanting to know what was wrong. I'd only told him that my period had started. Faced with his implaccable concern, I cracked and cried like a baby for about two minutes, then told him.

But since then, until writing this, I have remained unable to cry for the loss of my child. I wish I knew why. Why a second time??!!

According to my mother, my grandmother had eleven miscarriages before managing to carry my mother to term and a handful more before she managed my uncles and my aunt. I've never asked my mother if she had difficulties maintaining a pregnancy.

And even as my boyfriend cheerfully jokes about how many children I want with him, I can't help but remember and wonder how many more times? And will I ever be able to have children?


Here I go... again

Its been two weeks since my first positive pregnancy test. I woke up this morning with the same feeling I did when I last miscarried. (That being month and a half ago.) Yes, all the doctors gave us hell for not being "careful" right after it happened the first time. Saying to increase odds of having a healthy pregnancy would be higher had we waited. But everyting I read said that there was really "no right or wrong time to conceive again after a miscarriage". Especially since ours was an early one (5 1/2 weeks) and it happened naturally.
But to my initial delight, here I was pregant again. Our first hCG number was at 112 and then five days later it was 1200. I'm supposed to go Monday to take blood again so they could monitor it but I believe I already know the answer. My baby is leaving me.
I might sound like I'm jumping to conclusions and being negative but I know its true. My breasts no longer hurt. At all. For the past two weeks its been painful for me to go up and down the stairs but now they feel like they're going down to their normal size. No swelling.
I was dreading this. I don't know how I'm going to get through it.
My husband and I are definitely going to wait a full three cycles next time. That much I know.
Its just really painful to think of all our friends who are conceiving quickly and successfully. I used to say I wanted three or four children but I've changed to think that I would like to have ONE healthy child and anything, if anything, past that, would be gravy.
If anyone else is going through a similar story please write. Times like this you feel so alone- like you're the only one its happening too,



it will only make us stronger

with my son being 20 months old the last thing me and my partner were plannng was another child, but at the end of may this year (06) we found we were expecting our seconed child. we were worried about finances and how i would cope but we were both thrilled.

at 11 weeks i was feeling sick and run down (perfectly normal when your prgnant) but after having intercourse with my partner i had a slight bleed but i put it down to the sex this happened the following day and i still left it (sun,mon) when friday came and i had more spotting when i had been to the toilet i arranged a doctors appointment he sent me streight to the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital for a scan. at wich point i was still telling myself everything was fine and i would be going home with the perfect picture of the little one growning inside of me. once in the scan room a picture came on the screen my baby curled up little hands and feet. after 10 minuites of proding and pokeing the lady turned to me and said the words i was not expecting "im sorry theres no heart beat" luckily my mum was with me and i collapsed in her arms. as i was being taken back to the unit all i kept thinking was were they sure? how could they be right this is my baby.

i was given the three options and decided if i could get a bed on the ward i would have the D and C that day. a bed was avalable and i was taken streight up. 6 hours later i was in theatre and by 6:40 pm i was back in my room. i knew deep in my heart that having my baby lie lifeless inside of me for another three days would kill be and it all had to be done there and then.

there were many questions that day but the one that stood out was that they couldnt keep what was there at the hospital and it would be taken to the crematorium near by and the ashes scattered my heart sank as i signed the concent forms. but then my mum pointed out that the ashes would be scattered in the same place as my grandma (who died 6 months ago) and that the baby would be with her wich eased my pain a little.

it has been three days since i lost our baby and i wake in the night thinking i can hear a newborn crying and it hurts through every part of my body. but i know that given time i will heal but the love for my baby will never go away.

putting my feelings and events on paper has really helped. i wish the best of luck to everyone who reads this and posts on the site. and our experiences will only make us stronger

Georgina, 23, UK


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