Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
At last, we are pregnant...
I am 34 years old, and will be 10 years married this September. 9 years ago, I stopped taking birth control, and we decided to let fate take over our getting pregnant. We didn't get pregnant. My husband got checked out, I got checked out. I even had my tubes checked. Finally we did IVF and had a home run the first time.
The IVF facility monitored our pregnancy for the next four weeks, while we continued with progesterone supplements. I had 4 ultrasounds, and watched the baby grow to 8 weeks and 1 day. Its heartbeat went from 120 bpm at 6 weeks to 166 bpm at 8 weeks. We were ecstatic!! The doctor discontinued my progesterone, and discharged us at 8 weeks and 2 days.
The following week, I had my fist Obgyn appt. She used the doppler to hear the hearbeat...but couldn't hear it. Maybe it's not sensitive enough? I left her office, and went straight to the airport for a business trip.
3 weeks later, I was officially entering my 2nd trimester. My sister was having a b-day party for her one year old son. At the party she happily introduced me to everyone, and announced that I was pregnant. I was so happy that day with all the congratulations..I was glowing!!
My neigbour called that Sunday, and offered me baby clothes and toys and strollers. I told her that I would be by the next week to pick up anything she was willing to throw my way.
Things were great!!
That Monday, 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant, I went for the Down Symdrome screening (mandatory for women 35 when delivering). They took me into the ultrasound room, and lay me on the table. The radiologist started the ultrasound, and knew immediately. While going through the exam, I remember looking at the monitor thinking that I don't see any arms or legs, and it looks just like it did at 8 weeks.
She finished her exam, and then told me there was no heartbeat. I was devastated. A Doctor came in to confirm the diagnosis. The baby had stopped living around 9 weeks. I had a "missed abortion". They were very nice about the whole thing. They knew it took a lot of effort for us to get pregnant. I called my husband, and the doctor called my OBgyn. I went straight to her office, and she told me the options to let is pass naturally or do a D&C. I opted for the D&C, so that I could move past this faster. She scheduled it that next morning at 8am..bless her!
The D&C went well. The hospital staff were extremely gracious. They knew I didn't want to be there. My Dr. did a great job. I only had the procedure yesterday, and have had practically no bleeding.
One thing I realized is that it really is a death in the family. I didn't know how hard it could be, and am sorry that I couldn't have comforted people in the past that had miscarriages. What gets me is people usually respond "at least you know you can get pregnant"...but we can't neccesarily, which makes it a little difficult.
Our friends and neighbours have been great. Its amazing the number of people that have experienced the same thing, but you never knew. Its a secret until you say something.
My husband and I will try again naturally, and if that doesn't work, we will do IVF again. If we do IVF, we will put more eggs back in, and hope for twins!!
Today I am 2 days passed the sad news, and still grieving...as is my husband. He cried the first day...he said he never knew how much he wanted it". This afternoon I am going to plant flowers, and keep reflecting on what has happened, and hopefully we will be able to get pregnant again.
Best wishes, and best of luck to everyone out there that has experience this devastation. You are not alone, and I hope you, I and everyone that experiences it can work through it successfully.
A terrifying rollercoster rideI have endometrosis, to begin with for those of you who don't know what it is...
Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease that affects 5 1/2 million women and girls in the USA and Canada, and millions more worldwide. It occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus -- usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.
This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation -- and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems.
Now that you know what that is, my boyfriend and i have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. we did finally. 10 weeks. i started spotting yesterday, today was much heavier, more painful, then tonight. nothing. i have a doctor's appointment in the morning. i fear i will never be able to have a child of my own.
A terrifying rollercoster ride.
4 months and still high levels of hormones!I found out I was pregnant on Dec 05. It was the first month of trying and we were overjoyed. I had very few signs of pregnancy other than passing water more frequently and slight sickness.
At the end of January I went to work and that evening got home to find some brown blood. The next day I rang the doctor and he said that there may not be a need to worry but would get me in for a scan. He advised me to stay off work.
The following day I had no blood, but then that evening while getting ready for bed I felt yucky, went to the toilet and there was more brown blood. I rang the hospital and had to go down at 10pm. They sent me home but I had to return the next day for a scan. There I was warned the heart beat was faint and I would miscarry.
I went home and prepared myself for it to happen. When nothing did after a week I had a sense of hope again, but during the scan I was told there was no longer a heart beat and advised to have a D&C. I did and although devastated felt that at least I could try again after a month. How wrong was I?
2 weeks later I was still very sick, lots of pregnancy signs - so I went back to my doctor who over the course of a month tried everything, anti-sick pills, stomach upset pills etc etc until eventually they did a blood test, which came back with a positive pregnancy result - again another sense of hope!
They told me to get to the city hospital immediately, and, after hours of waiting I was told I may have had a molar pregnancy. The following day I had another blood test and it had reduced, which meant that the chances of a molar, were lower. I had to attend weekly blood tests. For the first month the hormone levels were halving, but now 3 months to the day they are reducing by 7 at a time!
I am so gutted, it is unreal- how can I move on when I cant try again. My levels still say I'm pregnant and no one knows why or what is happening. I see a different doctor or nurse each week, and each week am told something different.
I'd love to hear from someone who is having the same problem I am or who has experienced a similar problem. I was told that it may take several more months for it to reach 0 AND then I will still have to wait for a period, which could be 4-8 weeks.
Sorry to go on but I have looked everywhere for support and no one has ever been through this. I have read about molar pregnancies but I don't have one of those. The people that do suffer with molar pregnancies are incredibly brave. This has dragged on for 4 months nearly and I am in absolute turmoil.
Thank you so much for my chance to blurt it all out -- people are sick of listening to me now!
secretly still cryingi found out i was pregnant with my 4th (I already have a 4yr, 3yr and 1yr) and although it wasn't expected, i was still quite happy, because I'd never had any problems in the past. i told eveyone, and at around 8 weeks i started to get lower back and belly ache right through to my hips but i just put it down to ligaments softening and and general pregnancy stuff.
That lasted around a week and then went. In my 10th week i started having some spotting but again thought nothing of it as this can be quite normal. On the Saturday of my 10th week, i was sat with a neighbour and i said to her something just doesn't seem right about this pregnancy and we both put it down to being unexpected.
Later that evening i started to bleed so i headed up to the hospital with my mum and they made me an appointment for a scan on the monday, so i went and they confimed what i thought and that I'd lost the baby (no heart beat). All weekend i had told myself that I'd either lost the baby (as in gone) or i was bleeding for some reason but things were fine.
i didnt anticipate what they were going to say and that the baby had died when i was 8 weeks and that would explain the pain i was in but it was still there. It was my daughter's 1st bday on the comming wednesday so i decided to book the d&c for the thursday as the doctor said i had a great risk of infection and the chances of me passing it naturally were pretty slim.
On the tuesday i had arranged to go to my friend's at dinner so even though i was in a little pain i still went, by the time i had gotten there my jeans were to my ankles in blood and i was shaking. my poor friend who is also pregnant was quite shocked so we organised my children and headed for the hospital. the pains i was having were definitely contraction but nowhere near as painful as giving birth.
The doctor who I'd seen on the Monday was on duty and took me down to a room where she examined me and she could see my cervix was now open she said she'd see if there was anything there that she could help out. When i sat up i was horrified to see the bed and there it was, my baby.
The doctor tried to cover it but i told her it was ok as i appeared to be dealing with it quite well. She needed to go out of the room to find a pot to put it in so i was left there for a few moments feeling fine about it at the time. They let me go home the day after as it was my daughter's bday but i had to go back in the morning for a d&c.
The d&c the next day went really well and everyone was fantastic. i was allowed to go home within the hour after, it's just all this was last week and i cant help feeling really sad about my baby there on the bed.
i just cant get it out of my head, i feel silly trying to talk about it because i feel like people think i should be ok now but im really still quite upset. i hope it passes soon.
All my love and prayers for others going through this.
Missed miscarriageI had a difficult time from the very begining as my relationship was very new and the pregnancy was a shock to us both. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and the natural maternal instincts kicked in with the realisation that there was new life inside me. My partner on ther other hand did not warm to the whole idea and life was VERY stressful for the next couple of months. Just prior to the 12wk scan, he started to come around. I was very unwell, with fever, flu like symptoms and skin irritations, but put alot of it down to stress. At the scan it was determined that there was no heart beat and I had to go to hospital for a D&C. We are now 9 months down the track and it is still paying it's toll on us individually and our relationship. My hormones are still completely out of wack and I long to get my physical and emotional health back on track. My heart goes out to all who have had to indure a miscarriage. It's painful on so many levels.
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