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I have 3 beautiful children and was so excited when my best friend called me on the phone and told me that his wife was pregnant. My heart jumped for joy for they had both been trying so hard to conceive. I had been there for all the important stuff; their first meeting, engagement, wedding where I was best man :) and now a pregnancy.

Everything was perfect during the pregnancy; baby was growing strong and I was excited about being an "auntie". They invited me to their sonogram and of course I was there. We are the only surrogate family each other has in the state. So of course I went and was just as excited as if this was my brother and sis in law. We found out the baby was probably a girl at 17 weeks.

They went out shopping and looking for everything in "pink". They bought everything they could get their fingers on. I came over to paint the nursery for them. I didn't want her doing it and my best friend is blind. A couple of days later my son had a birthday March 18th 2006. That night my best friend called me and told me they had to take her to the hospital where they had to rush her from that hospital to another hospital. I remained calm until I got there ahead of my best friend and his mother in law. I walked in and she was being told at 22 and half weeks that there was no chance the baby would live.

That night I went through so many emotions with them that I can't even truly describe all of them to this day, but on March 19th 2006 at 9:20am my life changed forever along with my best friends. To our surprise a baby boy was born 1 pound and 1 ounce and 13 inches long. I have never held a baby so small but so perfect. He even had my Best friends nose. And I don't think my heart will ever be able to recover and then I think about my friends who of course were feeling so much more than I could even begin to imagine.

I have never felt so helpless and upset because I couldn't help fix this. Strange as it is it was just us. None of their family could get in fast enough and the bond of our friendship has grown in ways I never would have begun to imagine because of that dreadful night. And the love and respect I have for them both is beyond words.

I was the one who looked to see if it was the baby that she felt and it was and I called for the nurse. Both of them have thanked me and my oldest son who was with me that horrible night and day. Not only for being their support but they have told me of the strange bond they feel as well especially since I was the first one to see him.

I know the loss of a child can be painful but as long as there is love from others around you, the walk isn't for you to carry all alone. Please know that everyday there are people praying for you all and thinking of you and cheering you on for being so brave and courageous.

My thoughts and prayers are with you my dear friends and all of you out here who have also lost your little angel.

Kimberly

Dealing with the loss...

Finally after 2 years of being together and one terminated pregnany (due to bad circumstances) my boyfriend and I got pregnant. It was accidental but so exciting. We were ready we thought and wanted everyone to know that we were going to have a family.

I only told my closest girlfriends but my boyfriend told his entire family, I had heard that it was bad luck to tell people before three months because that is when you are most likely to miscarry.

One morning I woke up and was spotting a little bit so panicking I searched the web to find out how common it was for that to happen during pregnancy, and calmingly realized that 70% of women do spot during this time. I was only 6 1/2 weeks. later that night we went to the movies and I could feel it happening more. I went into the washroom and well lets say it was scary. The bleeding was so bad and it just would not stop. I cried and cried and didn't want to come out because my boyfriend was waiting for me and I didn't know how to tell him.

After a long night in the hospital I ended up losing it...but I have come to the conclusion that it was my body's way of telling me something was wrong. Or that there could have been more severe complicated problems if this pregnancy continued. No matter how far along you are it will always be hard. Me and my boyfriend are trying on purpose now and it's great.

I am sorry that any of you ever had to go through this traumatic event and my prayers are with all of you that you will all have healthy beautiful babies!

LOTS OF BABY DUST TO ALL OF YOU
xoxox

trista

I always think about you

I have always loved kids. I always wanted to hold and watch them. When I turned 17 I missed my period and I got a test and it was postive.

It was the best feeling I ever had. I went to the Doctor and I was 6 weeks and 5 days. I got to see a sonogram and I cried but their was no heart beat and my doctor said don't woory come back when you 8 weeks. You will hear one then. That night I went home and my boyfriend who was 23 at the time was excited.

That night we went to bed and I woke up and I was bleeding. I had bad cramps and did not know what to do. I called my doctor over and over and she never called me back. Later when I went to the doctors they said they could never even tell I was pregnant.

When I was 17 I went to the doctor for a pap. And I told I am suppose to get my period in 2 days I had really bad cramps. The doctor came in and said No your pregnant. I was excited.

But very scared about having another miscarriage. She told me not to worry and took me over to get a sonogram and I was 5 weeks. I went back to the doctor for another sono gram at 7 weeks and the baby never grew with in the 2 weeks. So I had to get a D&C. Now I am 20 years old and I am trying again and hopefully I will be successful...

I know when we have miscarriages we all feel guilty and ask our selves what did we do wrong or I know I did. And I am sorry for anyone who has had a miscarriage or lost a child..

Crystal

my two loses

I had just gotten married August 24,2002 and found out that I was pregnant December 2002. So my christmas present to the family was that I was pregnant. They were all so happy. They had been waiting for this day for a long time.

New Years Eve I was rushed to the hospital for an ectopic pregnancy. Things after that went down hill with my husband and we divorced.

My now fiance and I found out I was pregnant April 2004, two weeks later back in the hospital for another surgery. This time it was in my uterus just floating around. We have been trying to conceive again even though I am very scared to have to go through that again.

So to all you women out there who are having problems, I pray for you and your little ones...I know how much it hurts!!!

misty

My loss

I didn't want children until I met my husband. We decided we wanted a baby before we ever got married. He already had 5 children with his ex-wife. I wanted my own family with my husband. During this time his oldest son has had three babies. I was so upset over the easy way his son was having babies.

After three years I finally got pregnant. We were so excited. I got pregnant just before Christmas 2005. What a great present. Within a month I was bleeding and cramping. I went to the ER and was told that the baby had stopped growing and I was going to lose it. I was to return in four days for more blood work. The doctor told us I would lose the baby in those four days.

We returned to the hospital and the hormone level had gone up. The doctor said I could still have the baby. The bleeding stopped and I was on bed rest. I saw four different doctors and had four ultrasounds done. None of the doctors could tell me how far along I was or if the baby was okay or even if there was a baby.

And then the bleeding started again. We went to the ER and were told I was in the middle of a miscarriage. I was three months into my pregnancy and couldn't believe what was happening. They sent us home and said "bring it back in a bag and we'll test it."

The next morning I started having contractions. This lasted for almost 10 hours. I ended up back in the ER with blood pressure problems and heart rate problems. It has been a week and a half since I lost my baby.

My husband was crushed but very supportive. The rest of the family is giving the typical "you'll get over it, it is best this way if something was wrong with it, you can always try again, or my favorite- since you weren't pregnant but for only three months it wasn't really a baby so there is no reason to be upset."

We are packing up and moving to get away from everything here that reminds us of the baby. I am starting to feel better physically but I am still a wreck emotionally. The doctors say I can get pregnant again even though it took so long to get pregnant the first time.

I know something good has to come from this loss and I know I will find it since I am laughing again.

Theresa