Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
I have always wanted to be a mother...I love children. I started babysitting when I was eleven. I worked in childcare for 15 years before I switched to an office job. I met my soulmate in 2006 and we were married in 2009. We started right away trying to conceive. I knew it would be a long road as I have had many female issues-endometriosis, fibroids and heavy periods. After a year of trying we sought the help of a fertility specialist. They did tests and bloodwork and when the results came back it was determined that my husband had low sperm morphology. The best chance for us to get pregnant was to do an IUI. We needed to wait for me to get my period so that they could start giving me medications and controlling when I would ovulate. I was frustrated when my period was late becasue I just want to start the whole IUI process. When I was about 4 days late I took a pregnancy test...it was positive! My husband and I were in complete shock!! I never expected this to happen. We went to the Dr. for bloodwork and they confirmed- we were indeed pregnant! About 5 weeks along. We told our families they were thrilled. My sister was already about 8 weeks pregnant and my sister in law was 5 months along with twins. It would be so exciting for us to all be pregnant at the same time! We went back a week later for our first sonogram...we were so excited...I couldn't wait for that black and white picture.
The doctor was taking measurements and I asked if they were good? He had a funny look on his face. He said they were ok...but there was only a gestatinal sac-nothing in it. There should be a yolk sac within the gestainal sac. He basically said it probably wasn't going to be a viable pregnancy but the only thing we could do was wait and see. I was scheduled to go back on Tuesday. I lost it...thanks GOd I was at my Mother's house. We were really in a state of shock. I was still holding onto everything being ok. We went back to the Dr on Tuesday and the baby had grown! There was a yolk sac now! That was good news....or so I thought. I started bleeding that night. The next day- St. Patrick's day I was really cramping and starting to bleed. I called my Doctor they had me come in. My mother drove me to the Dr...it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. Absoloutely horrific. When we got to the Dr's they brought me into a room and had me get undressed and get on the table...as I was doing so I saw the "fetal tissue" as the Dr calls it...my baby in my underwear.
The nurse came in...who I had never met before. She introduced herself as Kate. That is the name we had chosen if we had a girl. Right there I knew that was GOD talking to me...I had lost my little girl-Kate. Only a girl would give her mother this much heartache. THey gave me pain medication and sent me home. The Dr was sure I had passed everything. I cannot exxplain the overwhelming sense of sadness and loss I feel everyday. NO ONE understand how I am feeling. People say the absolute most ridiculous things. My sister in law tried to compare her trying to conceive for a year and half to having a miscarriage. NOT THE SAME! You now have 2 healthy babies growing inside you. I have nothing...but an empty belly and an empty heart. I can't understand why I would be given such a precious gift only to have it taken away from me. I am thankful I did get an ultrasound picture. I have it framed next to my bed. I may go on to have other children but I will never forget my daughter Kate.
My baby Girl Olivia StarMy name is Ivy and I recently experienced a stillbirth a week ago, March 17th, 2010. It was my first child. Typing this is hard but I feel that I need to express my self in others ways than tears and frustration. I lost my little girl at exactly 21 weeks. Everything was going fine and I wasn't having any complications. On Sunday, March 14th my water broke and I went to the hospital. The next few days were a blur and happened so fast that I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened. When my water broke on that Sunday the ultrasound revealed that most of the fluid had been released. I prepared myself to be on bed rest until the rest of the pregnancy so the baby could replenish the fluids. Unfortunately that didn't happen. The next day I started to have contractions. I wasn't sure what contractions were since this was my first child but I figure the pain I was experiencing was not a normal cramp. I went to the hospital again complaining of the pain only to be sent home. The pain continue and the next day the bleeding started. I was sent back to the hospital. My baby was still fighting though. We heard her heartbeat and had hope that everything would work out. But the next day when the second ultrasound was done, there was no heartbeat found. I was devastated. My husband's heart was broken. Then came the news that I would have to deliver the baby vaginally. I don't know how I did it because it was so hard emotionally. I thank God for giving me the strength to do that but I feel that I need more help now dealing with reality.
My husband held our little girl and I touched her hand. Although she was very small and fragile, she was beautiful. I just wished I could have taken her home and experienced her living. I miss her so much and I miss her kicking me in my stomach. I know she is in a better place. In my heart I know that God knows what is best for me and my little girl but I wonder what was so wrong about her being in my arms? Only time will heal my broken heart but I will never forget my daughter, Olivia Star. I will one day see her and will rejoice.
Mckennah MarieWhen I was about to graduate from high school, my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. we had been trying for this so we were very excited. At the first ultrasound we saw her. She looked like a little Jelly Bean! And the heartbeat was strong. Her heartbeat was 151 my whole pregnancy. I had my baby shower in early december, she was due mid anuary. One night I was worried because of lack of movement so I went to the hospital and they checked her heartbeat and it was 141. I told them there must be something wrong because it was always 151 and they told me not to worry, it was still normal. so they sent me home. I had my appointment a few days afterward with the midwife because my OB was out of town and I told her that I had gone to the hospital and she dismissed my worries about the heartbeat. I asked them to induce me the following monday and she said no. I was young and a first time mom, I thought the baby was ready but she said I was wrong. Erik and I left the doctor's office and he made a comment to me, "She didn't check Mckennah's heartbeat."
Monday came and went and she was kicking up a storm! Then wednesday came and I didn't feel her move at all. My friend came over and massaged my feet and nothing happened. I drank cold water, nothing. I ate, nothing. Finally I called my mom and she told me to go get her checked. The hospital took me in and they went to hook me up to a monitor and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They brought the doppler in, no heartbeat. Finally they brought an ultrasound machine in, she was gone. They induced me and I was in labor for 15 hours. I finally delivered my angel baby. 6 pounds 4 ounces 20 1/2 inches long.
A great company called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep came in and did professional pictures for free. We held her kissed her until it was time to say good bye. My breast milk came in, I got stretch marks, I was bleeding, but I had an empty cradle. No baby to nurse or hear cry or to take home.
Its not fair.
And to add insult to injury, my OB missed my delivery, stopped by for a few mins to say sorry afterward, and then I had to go through a total run around to get the autopsy report.
The nurse called me "I'm sorry Ashleigh, she was in there too long. She had a bowel movement, it infected the amniotic fluid, and there was ecoli in her splean."
I was right. She WAS ready. Don't discount my mother's intuitiion because I'm young and a first time mom. I knew it was time.
My OB wouldn't sign the death certificate so my poor baby wasn't cremated until a week after she was born. And he STILL hasn't called me to ask how I'm doing.
15 Years Old!!I got a pregnant at 15 years old and I didnt know what to do!! I went 5 months and then on Christmas Day which is the same day I was planning on telling my parents. Little did I know that I was gonna wake up to find I had had a miscarriage. I cried for the longest time! I still to this day wish that I would have had that baby even though I was young because I had formed a bond like no other! It is very hard to go to sleep knowing that I was once going to sleep worrying about how I was gonna raise a baby by myself becuase my exbf sure wasnt gonna help.
Stillbirth in a foreign countryI`m a 34 year old American mother(living in Japan with my Japanese husband) of an almost 2 year old boy who on Feb.9th 2010 lost my 2nd child at 38 weeks and 3 days. My first son was almost a text book case example, everytime I looked in the American pregnancy book, I could put a check mark next to everyhing. I could ignore the Japanese Doctors and Nurses when they told me I was eating too much and gaining too much weight. (I was gaining the perfect amount according to my books.) My first son was born in 4.5 hours, with no pain and he had 2 teeth and white spots on his nose indicating good nutrition. Then comes the 2nd pregnancy. The first 7 weeks, I was so sick I could not even move. At first when I went to the Dr. their pregnancy test showed that I was not pregnant. Went back a week later, and I was pregnant. Had to go back again in a week, but I felt something was wrong so I went back earlier. Nothing wrong. Then came the morning sickness from about 8 weeks until about 6 months. Found out it was a girl, named her MIki-chan. I still could not feel her kicks whereas I had felt my son`s kicks real early. The Dr. kept saying she was small, then that she had IUGR, then too much amniotic fluid. He said the baby most likely had a blockage in her throat and would need surgery when born. I felt differently, the whole time and had so many symptoms and questions but could not communicate those symptoms or questions appropriately. Once I thought she had stopped moving, so I went in, they monitored her heartbeat, said she was fine and sent me home. Then a few days later I felt another strange pain, went in, said everything was fine and aches and pains are normal. Now I felt like I was worrying too much and even though I felt like the baby was struggling (she would shake all the time) and going to die but for my husband`s son`s and friends` sake tricked myself into believing the Dr. I felt the baby had been suffering and told her that maybe it was better if she did not come. I believe she died peacefully later when I was playing classical music to her. This is when the kicks stopped, but there was one little twinge that I let myself believe was a kick and that her kicks slowed down because she was ready to be born. Before the baby died, for about 3 weeks I was extremely sick, the day (or 2) after the baby died I felt perfect like I was not pregnant anymore. That afternoon at the gyn. appt. the ultrasound showed the baby had died. The Dr. was more shocked than I, I believe I was shocked because I had tricked myself into believing the Dr. and trying not to be a worry wart.(My son had already realized that the baby had died (I always asked him to kiss my stomach/his sister, but this time he refused and said "scary, scary". )
I guess the stress was too much, because in the middle of the night I developed a huge headache and was vomiting, so was washed to a bigger hospital by ambulance to deliver the baby. AFter being induced with a balloon, contractions started and she was delivered in about 20 minutes. I screamed like I have never screamed before...probably just to let out all the stress. She was a beautiful girl weighing 4 lbs and 1 oz and 18 1inches long. The autopsy revealed that she had a hole in her heart, only 1 main artery and crossed fingers, leading me to believe that she would have died soon after if she had lived through delivery or she most likely would have suffered serious health problems her whole life. I know in my heart that her dying peacefully was best for us all and that she is now in the hands of God.
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