Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.

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It Happens

I found out that I was pregnant on the 29th April from a home testing kit. I wasn't suprised to discover I was pregnant as I hadn't taken the Pill since December, my partner and I weren't actively trying for a baby but didn't mind if it happened. I felt a mixture of emotions as I stared down at the positive reading on the test, but overall I was excited about the prospect of a new baby and couldn't wait to tell my two other children (Jamie13 and Luke 9). I had worked out that I was approximatley 5 weeks pregnant at this point, but wanted to wait until I had my twelve week scan before we told the children or family. Unlike my two previous pregnancies I didn't have sickness and this did concern me slightly, (I kidded myself maybe it's a girl thats why). I think from the begining I knew somthing was wrong but I told myself that I was worrying over nothing as I had two healthy children and two very normal pregnancies in the past. I was about to turn thirty one and wanted to really enjoy the magic of pregnancy and embrace everything about it this time around, as with my two children I was so young when I had them that I didn't enjoy anything about being pregnant, and felt so lonely and isolated when they were babies, I felt ugly, depressed and so alone in the world , my confidence and self worth were at an all time low especially when I was pregnant with my youngest child. But this time round things were going to be different, we had a nice car, owned a nice home and I felt that my relationship with my partner of fourteen years was the best that it had been for quite some time.
As the following weeks of my pregnancy progressed I couldn't contain my excitment and told two of my closest friends the news, they were really pleased for me and I wouldn't be sorry to leave my current job as an admin/accounts assistant (yawn yawn). The baby would have been due on Christmas day according to the doctors date but I predicted the baby would be born at the begining of the New Year and what a way to start 2010. Our happiness and plans were shattered on friday 29th May, I started bleeding in the evening, only a small amount of blood and a little brown discharge, I knew this wasn't right for me and felt sick with worry, my partner and I decided to go to A & E, we told our youngest child that I was not feeling very well and my oldest was staying at a friends (thank God he's not as easily fooled with such explanations). At the hospital everyone was very polite and helpful except the male nurse who took my blood and urine, while I was getting my urine sample ready I heard him telling the doctor that I had asked, if the fact I was getting no cramping was a good sign, that prehaps I may not miscarry, I heard him telling the doctor that bleeding is never a good sign and I got the impression that he was making fun of me for asking such a stupid question, doesn't he realise I was trying to cling to some kind of hope that I wasn't going to loose my baby.
The doctor kept us waiting until the early hours of Saturday morning and all she could tell me was that my blood was normal and that my urine sample was quite clear, my hormone results were not back so all the doctor could do was book me for a scan on the Monday, she asked me if my breasts were tender and I had noticed for a couple of days that they hadn't felt sore, It was then that she informed me that maybe it was a missed miscarrage and in my heart I just knew she was right.
Over the weekend I got my hormone results by phoning the hospital, they seemed to read ok for approximatley 8 weeks which was a little glimmer of hope for me, but on sunday the bleeding was heavier and and on the Monday the scan showed that my baby had no heart beat, it had died at 8 weeks which coincided with having not felt well on the previous Tuesday and Wednesday, I had also lost my appetite which is very unlike me. After the scan I had to go to the early pregnancy unit and wait for the nurses to explain (I can't remember what) to me, I just burst into tears and they just let me cry for a few moments then I had to wait for the doctor. The doctor explained my options, a D & C, or to let nature take it's course. I opted for the D & C as this would be the quickest option and seemed to be what the Doctor thought would be the best decision. The D & C was carried out on Wednesday, I explained to my work what had happened and am now recovering at home. Everyday it's getting a little easier to deal with, although one minute I feel fine and the next I'm really down, the thing that I'm going to find hard to deal with, is one of my friends who I had confided in about my pregnancy has just told me that she is now pregnant, she gave this news to me on the Saturday that I told her that I was bleeding and that I thought I was loosing my baby which in my opinion is really insensative. I can't find it in me to be happy for her and I feel bad for that, she hasn't even known the father for more than a few weeks. I can't bear other pregnant women, I'm ok with babies (obviously not newborns) but they are everywhere at the moment, so many pregnant women everywhere. I think to myself 'why me' every day, I cut out drinking took vitamins and this happened. I feel so angry especially when 'the friend' tells me that she doesn't want a boy (this is after she has called me after my scan to see if I'm ok), another insensitive comment I think. John (my partner) says 'these things happen, It happens.' I hate that comment, yes things happen to other people, if someones mum died you don't say 'it happens,' lots of bad things happen in the world, but It usually happens on the news or to someone else, only 'it happens' can be said by the person it has happened to. I feel angry all the time and very bitter, you cannot understand the grief unless you have experienced it yourself. I am blessed to have two beautiful healthy happy children but It doesn't make my loss any less painfull, I wanted this baby and I wanted to be his or hers mum. I don't know if I should tell my mum or sisters or if should carry this on my own. My partner isn't the talking type but I don't want to upset my parents or burden them with this pain as well. I don't know if I will try again, at this point in time I'm too scared to even go for a poo let alone have sex again or try for another baby. Don't know if I could go through this again. I hope time is a healer but I will never forget the baby I lost.

Nicola Pantlin

A 2nd chance

A great night that ended with so many tears. I was 16 when i got pregnant. I've always loved babies and yes i was happy but scared of my family's reaction. My bf(21 years)was the 1st 2 know i did a home prego test and later i went 2 c the doctor to confirm. I was pregnant, my bf was sacred and suggested an abortion but i denied it. I had planned to keep the baby and took care of it by myself if he did not want anything to do with it. I really loved and wanted this baby. At 8 weeks i went out to my sisters wedding and eneded up drinking. I did not think much of it and i still hadn't told my family yet so i was depressed over the coming weeks with exams around the corner i could not focus. I drank again and after settelling things with my bf we decided to tell my family. But little did we know that this wonderful story would end up tragically. 3 months passed and ma tummy had started to show just alittle, i had to cope with pregnancy symptoms and severe diaherria every morning and even hed to visit the youth health centres a couple of time for help.. During this time my bf was very supportive in a way i had never sen him (even his twin, my best fwend n ma bf's hommies). On 28 march 09, i woke to this sharp pain in my lower abdomen, i went to have my shower on my way i saw blood dripping to the ground, i paniced and i called my bf to take me to the clinic. But it was to late i had already lost my beautiful baby girl ' Deyana Tinesha' at 5 months prego. For the 1st time i saw my bf crying. I was depressed for days to come and even had epilepsy
(am epileptic). It is hard to accept death and am not willing to let go. the baby had already started moving just a little.

I never had the chance to tell my family and they never knew so i can also look at at as a 2nd chance to finish my education and next time get prego at my own terms. Am now preparing for my finals in High School. I had learn to love the child and it made me and my bf stronger and united us in a special way. P.S i was due on 28th August 09, the same dat as my bf's birthday.

Hilary H

My baby,My Angel

When i found out I was pregnant I was sooo shocked because I had my period. I thought the I was having a miscarriage so I went to my doc to confirm it and it came out positive. I told him I was bleeding and he checked everything and said everything was ok and if i bleed more or get cramping then to go to the ER. Well couple days later I went to the ER and soon found out that I had a miscarriage. My heart broke when the doctor told me. My boyfriend and I are sooo devastated. We were so excited and happy and it just all came to an end. I was only 5 weeks pregnant. I love my baby!!!


A PiEce Of MEeH

My Name is Allison Jeannette I am 15 years old and this story was about 3 years ago I was 13 and i was in the 7th grade I am writing this to represent a part of me that was never finish. A part that was taken away along with a love of mine that I cherished. The pregnancy and miscarriage of Valentino was a difficult experience in my life because it made me suffer but gave me more endurance and strength. This changed my life because after this situation home was never the same, happiness became sadness, and talks became tears and silence. Also, the happiness inside me and the joy I brought to other people had vanished and it was just a piece that was left. I learned a lot about myself, it was that I was very mature but that I still had a lot of growing up to do physically, and emotionally. This is my story.

It was a cold and rainy day, tears ran down my face when I saw the little pink cross. Thoughts ran through my mind how could this happen to me? Why me? What am I going to do? At that moment I felt like I should have slit my wrist and ended all of the pain I had. As soon as the result came up, I called him, he was the one to blame. All the images of that night ran through my head, I thought it wasn’t possible, but I knew something went wrong, I knew at that moment when he said “It ripped” the consequences where going to kill me, and to think I thought I was protected. I prayed to God the whole night, without a minute of sleep. I couldn’t imagine the reaction of my parents to the result of my stupidity. The next day I had big black bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I saw him walking down the hall I couldn’t help but turn the other way and arrive late to my class. But he followed me, knowing that he was, I felt the tears rushing down my face. I couldn’t help but to stop and think about what just happened how I ran away and didn’t have the nerve to explain myself. He came close and just held me trying to wipe the tears, but it was useless, they just flowed like a stream. All he repeated was “ Don’t worry we gon’ get through dis, just breathe”. The response of my reaction was shocking, I had thought that he would’ve just left and that would’ve been it, but it wasn’t like that. He held me and acted with love and I appreciated that.

Day by day I got even bigger, still hiding the fact that I was pregnant from my parents, I knew that they were going to find out eventually so I finally fessed up. At that moment when I saw the doleful look on my daddy’s face and when my mom said “Get your shit and get the fuck out my house (English version),” reality hit me, I had finally found a way to break their hearts, which hurt me like a bullet to the flesh, inside me I heard something that told me that things were never going to be the same. That something was right, I had realized that they weren’t going to take care of me and my child, and abortion was not in the program. At the time that I was kicked out my home boy, Alex and his mom Claudia open the door that lead me to their warm and loving house. He was more of a baby daddy then the real baby’s daddy was. Alex went crazy. He bought all types of things for the baby and me as well, of course Dominic the father tried to be there during my pregnancy, I wasn’t like I wished, but he was there. One day, I got a call from Dominic he told me that we needed to meet some place because he needed to tell me something, it was at Dolores Park on a foggy day when he told me he had to move to Mississippi for the last semester, but he promised me that he was going to come back to be there for my kid, so I believed him. We said our good byes that day, I cried myself to sleep that night thinking that I would never see him again.

The next day I swallowed my tears, but greatness had become of that day, four months in total had passed and I got big, I went with my friend Jessica to see how my baby was doing, during the sonogram my baby looked like it was smiling, I felt the tears accumulating in my eyes, the nurse asked me if I wanted to know the gender, I smiled and said “please?” she gladly said “It’s a boy”. I named him Valentino Alexander. He and I had a connection, he was my only love while Dominic was away, I remember singing to him before I went to sleep, it was something that I always did since the 3rd month, Alex would tease me, but the next thing you know, he was my back up singer. The 5th month came and I did my monthly check up, I had noticed that Valentino was hiding, so the nurse tried again, my heart was beating a thousand times more faster than usual, and I felt my throat dryer than ever. The nurse had a look of despair, and she sadly but honestly said “Ms. Leiva, I’m afraid the baby is no longer there, I’m sorry”. I fell to the ground with so much grief and mourned, I felt the world ending at my feet and that I could never get through this. I laid in bed for a month with severe depression, I guess I said goodbye before I said hello. Feeling this pain was horrible but the support of amii friends and teachers helped me get through this and i am proud to say that I can look back and smile because I know now that life can be hard but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and he made me stronger.


Miscarriage-A Mothers Story

She is carrying around a terrible secret and she doesnt even know it.She hears a name on the television and thinks I like that for a girl.She plans the nursery colour scheme.She visits her friend who has a new baby and butterflies of exitement flutter in her stomach or maybe its the baby moving not yet surely its only early days.When you are having a baby every one says only 10 weeks old but listen to the anti abortion view and at 12 weeks the baby is fully formed.At 11 weeks she notices spots of blood on her pants she calls the midwife ,dont worry hormonal changes keep an eye on it.She keeps an eye on it ,it becomes worse and after a week calls the docter,we'll book you in for an emergeny scan but to be honest its not looking good.She enters the hospital as if in a trance but in her heart she already knows.Lie on the bed and lift up your top the friendly stranger says she flinches as the cold jelly hits her warm stomach,then the words she has been dreading "Im sorry my love the sac is there but no baby .Her husband squeezes her hand reassuringly as the tears pour down his face .We've got a quiet area for you to sit in .The anger is welling up in her Why Me?What did I do wrong ?Was it that day trip to London on my feet too long,Was it that glass of wine ?A docter arrives and explains what will happen to the products it is no longer a baby but a product.Hopefully the products will leave the body naturally causing you to bleed for up to 2 weeks if they dont dispel come and see us and we can help you along.She goes home .The bleeding become fierce great lumps of tissue leaving her body the joyous event she was looking forward to has become a nightmare.Everyone keeps saying better now than later on-No better to have a healthy baby.Gradually the bleeding becomes too much and she finds herself in hospital blood pressure now dangerously low.She needs to pass these products they mean whats left of my baby she thinks. She stays overnight and the following morning the scan shows all traces of the baby have vanished .Like the last three months never happened.She goes home again the secrets out there is no baby anymore only in her heart.
Dedicated to all those who have lost a baby or child their spirits live on through you and your families so plant a tree or say a prayer and hold them in your heart forever.
For Isabella the ray of sunshine who got Mummy and Daddy through this .

Jayne Noon

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