Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
I found out on October 10, 2008 that I was pregnant with my 4th child. I had no reason to believe that anything would go wrong because I already have 3 healthy children. I was fine until I had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks 6 days. There was a gestational and yolk sac but no fetal pole. My doctor assured me that it may still be too early to see the baby. They scheduled me for another ultrasound on November 10. On the night of November 1, I began to spot, at first brown then pink. I went to the ER where they said I had a subchorionic bleed, which was noticed on Monday but I was never told about. The ER doctor said it had decreased in size and maybe it was just bleeding out. I went home and only had mild spotting the next day. On November 3, which is also my birthday, I started to bleed a little. It continued all day but was only there when I wiped. The next morning, which is my oldest son's birthday, I began to bleed more. I called the doctor and they told me to come in for an ultrasound. I was so estatic when the technician said that there was a fetal pole and the baby had a heartbeat. She said the baby measured at 5 weeks 6 days when I knew I was 7 weeks. I figured maybe she measured wrong and I took my baby's picture and was happy, for a few hours anyway. That evening I started having mild cramps and more bleeding. I decided to go to bed and thought maybe if I rested it would help. I woke up at 4:00am with slightly worse cramps. They continued until it was time to get my children ready for school. As I was finishing getting them ready I started feeling intermittent, stronger cramps similar to a labor pattern but not quite as painful as labor. I decided to go to the bathroom and when I sat down on the toilet my precious angel slipped out and fell to the bottom. As any mother would I reached in because I didn't care how gross all the blood was, that was still my child in there and my angel deserved better than to be flushed down the toilet. This was at 7:30am on November 5, 2008. I later went to the doctor and took my precious little one with me. They confirmed by ultrasound that I had indeed already miscarried. They sent my baby away to run some tests and I am still waiting on the results. Once the testing is done, the hospital pays for cremation and a burial in a local cemetery. In my state, it is law that a baby is a baby, nomatter how small. Every October, there will be a memorial at the cemetery for my baby and all of the others that were lost. My husband and I decided to name our baby Christian because we are of the Christian faith and we believe our baby is now with God. The grief I feel at times is so unbearable that I don't know how I will ever make it through. My only solace is my 3 beautiful children. I don't know what I would do without them. I just hope that in time the pain won't be as fresh and raw. Even though my little one was only with me for 7 weeks 1 day, I love that little angel just as much as my other children. I know someday I will get to hold my baby Christian in my arms, but until then I will always remember the few weeks we had together and I will always, always love my sweet little angel baby.
Peanut's StoryI've read through the stories and as sad as it sounds, I'm greatful that I'm not alone in this world, it feels like it at times!
I was due to have my first baby on January 21, 2009. The excitement was far too great!! I had tried for 8 long years to get pregnant and had all but given up hope that it would actually happen! I found out was pregnant on May 21, 2008 and was on top of the world. The next few months were so great! The pregnancy was wonderful, no morning sickness, nothing! I had some spotting around 9 weeks or so and had my hormone levels checked and I was great! Spotting is normal in the first trimester I was told.
All was well...We had found out on August 6, 2008 that we were expecting a little baby, now to find a name?!?! On Monday August 25, 2008 I had my regular OB appointment. The baby's heartbeat was steady at 140 where it had been. No pain, no complaints, everything was great! I was measuring where I should and baby was growing like a weed! The next day, I went to the bathroom and had noticed some extra "discharge", truly thought it was nothing as it had actually be sometime inbetween bathroom breaks. Which was rare! Everything stayed pretty much normal throughout the day and night.
The night of the 27th I couldn't seem to get comfortable. I wasn't in pain, just very uncomfortable and was desperately trying to find a position both the baby and I could agree on so I could get some much needed sleep. Finally after 3 hours of tossing and turning I seemed to have found that position. All was well and off to work I went on Thursday the 28th. After getting out of the shower and getting dressed it looked as if I had pee'd my pants. I thought since I was around 20 weeks baby was going to play trampoline on my bladder and this was normal. I went to work, no pain, no discomfort, still getting wet but not as bad as I was.
I talk to my husband and lunch and he suggested I call the clinic JUST IN CASE...So I called and when the nurse called me back she told me to go the hospital so they could monitor to make sure I wasn't having contractions. The baby nurse went to check me to test to see if the fluid was urine or amniotic fluid. She put the speculum in and pulled it right back out. Another doctor came in and told me that the bag of water was out of my cervix and that I was going to lose the baby. My heart broke right there on the spot!
About 30 minutes later my doctor arrived and checked me. He said that the baby's foot was also outside of my cervix. I thought it impossible as I could still feel him moving! He was alive and enjoying me as much as I him!!! I refused pitocin as I in denial at that point that anything bad was going to happen. My water broke around 8pm on the 27th and was probably even more heartbreaking. That little bag of water was my last hope!! Turns out I have an incompetent cervix.
At 8:21am the morning of the 29th I delivered James "Peanut" Robert. He was born sleeping. I prefered it this way. I liked the fact that he perished inside of me instead of struggling to live. I had a D&C following as the placenta wouldn't detach.
I still feel pregnant. I get little gas bubbles that move across the lower part of my belly and I swear it's a baby kicking! I must admit, I gave up after that. For 6 weeks I was reclusive, I was angry, and I was extremely bitter. All I wanted in this world was to be a mom and I was RIGHT there...It was just out of my reach.
I still grasp hope that someday I'll be a mother, but I'm SCARED to death of what the future may hold. I'm not sure I can do this again!
What was the point?I was devastated when we were married just over a year and we found out our chances were slim to none of conceiving children. I greived the news slowly and about 2 years later we adopted my son. I thought I was finished greiving, but when my son was just over a year old, I kept feeling like this was the time I would get pregnant if I could and it was a struggle. Eventually we adopted my daughter and we felt happy as a family and complete. Finally.
Well....you can imagine my shock to discover I was pregnant when my daughter was 5 months old. We were exstatic, it took five years, and two kids later, but we were pregnant, We were thrilled and told all our family and friends. The thought of misarriage seemed ridiculous, why would God finally bless us with pregnacy if I wasn't going to have a baby. After 2 healthy ultra sounds and 2 rounds of posistive HCG blood work, I miscarried at 10.5 weeks. I feel like I got ripped off. I was finally through my grief of not getting to conceive, and now it is so raw and hard again. I don't understand why I had to experience this. It's like now I have to grieve my infertility all over again. We thought our family was complete and were happy with that fact, and now all I can think about is the baby we lost. I don't know whether to hope on a prayer that I might get pregnant again or accept that I won't. SO CONFUSED and hurting like crazy. Hardest moment so far is that one of my best girlfriends is pregnant and just told me and her due date is/was the exact same day as mine. Now when I see her all I can think about is that she's pregnant and as far as long as I should have been. It's been 3 weeks scince the miscarriage and I am still trying to keep a happy face when all I want to do is recoil inside. My kids keep me busy and motivated to get up and do things, thank goodness for them. I suffer silently inside daily, I really need to try to make sense of this experience and of my pain, but there are no answers. Thanks for listening any advice would be great.
Why?Well me and my husband have been married for over 10 years and were never able to get pregnant. I have been diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism. My hormones have always been out of wacked. I can actually go years without having a period. We were finally able to get to see an infertility clinic and did 2 different artificial inseminations. The 2nd one worked. We were so thrilled, couldn't be happier. We told our families. When I went to the Dr.s they did a sono and there were 2 egg saks. Which made us even happier. This was at 6 weeks. Went back in 2 weeks had another ultra sound and was told one of the fetuses had stopped developing at about 6 1/2 weeks, but we looked at the bright side that there was still one more in there that was growing and had a stong heart beat of 169. The Dr had explained that my body would either absorb this other fetus or discharge it so there could be some blood. Well I had spotted for the nex 3 weeks with alot of clear mucus discharge. On Oct 8th I started having spotting again but this time it was red not alot but enough to scare me. So the Dr. had done another ultrasound and said the baby was doing fine. At this time I am 3 months exactly. On Oct. 12 I started to have really bad cramps and alot of blood. at around 11:00 p.m. I was sitting on the toilet because of all the blood and all of a sudden had to throw up so I leaned over and threw up into the tub at the same time I felt something come out. It was my little boy. He had his fingers and toes he was perfect except for the fact that he was no longer inside of me. I called my husband who is in the military and stationed 2 hours away. He rushed home to be with me. Went to the Dr.s the next morning and went over my options and decidied to have a D&C on Wed. Well on Tues. morning at about 4:00 a.m. I could no longer take the pain and went in for an emergency D&C. Ended up losing alot of blood (over a liter) so I had to stay in the hospital until me blood levels got back to normal levels. My Dr. says I can try again when the new year starts. No matter what I do the pain does not go away. Why do these things have to happen. It really hurts. Anytime someone asks me how I am doing I start to cry. Cause no matter what I can never have my little baby back.
My Little AngelOn 21 October 2008, i was 32 wks + 2 days pregnant.. So excitied I'd just finished buying everything i needed to mother my little boy, my first child.. kicking away in my tummy as normal in the morning, as the afternoon went on i started to get chronic stomach pains - and i knew something wasn;t right, being my first baby - i thought i was going into labour early, so my bf rushed me to the hospital... lying there in the birthing suite, i must have been in shock because i didn't respond to the doctors telling me they couldn't find a heartbeat, until they left the room and i saw my bf crying - i knew my little boy had passed.. i flipped out, trying to rip the drips out of my arm - i just wanted to die, my reasin for living had been taken from me.. after continuos shots of morphine for my pain, the doctor proceeded to inform me i was bleeding heavily internally, and that i needed an emergency c - section as i wasn't dialating. My son Seth was born at 10.30 pm that Tuesday night. The nest day i find out that the placenta had ruptured ( happens to 1% of pregnancies) and had i arrived at the hospital any later i possibly could have died too due to my blood not being able to clot. I feel so lost - not knowing what i;m going to do and the guilt i feel is huge, i know its not my fault my angel was taken from me but him passing away inside my tummy will always make me feel like i did something wrong, like i failed my son somehow.. I will be having another baby though, Seth would want his mummy to be string and carry on in his honour - but waking everyday knowing he isn't here breaks my heart.
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