Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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Why us?


My fiancé and I had been trying to have a child for a year with no luck. I decided to go to get tested. And it turned out that I had polycystic ovarian syndrome and that I was not ovulating. My doctor suggested that I take Clomid to ovulate. Before they gave me the medicine they tested my fiancé’s sperm, which turned out bad. He had a low count and bad motility. We were devastated that we both had problems. About 8 months later my doctor asked me if I wanted to try the Clomid anyway just to see if I could ovulate. My fiancé needed surgery to correct his problem first but we decided to try the medicine anyway.

On May 22, 2007 after only 2 doses we found out we were pregnant. We were so happy. We told everyone. Our parents had both bought us a lot of baby stuff and we had picked out names. On July 3, 2007 the day before my birthday we went for our first ultrasound. I was 12 weeks pregnant. Our baby had no heartbeat. After trying for so long I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I had no symptoms of a miscarriage. I was so angry. The next day my birthday, July 4 2007, I had a d and c. I have never felt so horrible in my entire life. I still do not feel the way I used but things are getting better. I think about the baby every day. We just started taking Clomid again and I am trying to keep up my hopes but it is hard. I just want everyone to know that you need to have a positive attitude and keep trying!


Emily






I Suffered a Miscarriage 2weeks Ago

On the 9th of August 2007 I was 14 weeks pregnant when I lost my baby. I feel really empty inside and still find it hard. People keep saying that I must forget and move on and I can’t.
I held my baby in the palm of my hand I can’t forget that.

I really want to try for another baby, as I have wanted one for a while now. My husband wants to leave it for another month. But people keep saying to us to leave it for 5mths and "you’ll be ok". They don’t know what it is like to loose a baby at 14 weeks.


leanne






My Loss

I was 17 weeks when I lost my baby just a couple of weeks ago. I feel like a part of me has gone. I'm upset but don’t show it in front of my partner, who doesn’t seem to understand how I feel. He keeps telling me we will have another but I wanted this one. Now all I think about is making the next baby. But I will never forget the first.

jessica






Doesn't seem fair...

I really thought I wasn't ready for a third child and I ended up taking a pregnancy with dread. But soon after I took it (about.000015 seconds!!) I was filled with excitement. I came out of the bathroom and gave my husband a hug and immediately started crying. I called my mom, my grandma...I told my neighbors and other friends.

That night, my husband and I went out to celebrate our pregnancy at Outback. He had a glass of wine and I had a delicious raspberry lemonade smoothie (No alcohol, of course!!) During our dinner date, I started cramping. I cramped with my son and my daughter, so I just figured it was all hitting me at once and maybe I hadn't allowed myself to believe I was pregnant, so I ignored the symptoms. Now that I knew, one hundred percent, the symptoms were just more obvious. After dinner, I got into the truck and started to feel really terrible. The cramping spread all the way around my hips and thighs and then up into my back.I kept thinking (without saying anything to my husband) "We've already named her! I can't lose her now!"

Rita Magdalene Rodriguez Minzes, after my husband's late mother.
I got home and just to calm my fears, I went to the bathroom, expecting to find nothing, and perhaps all that pain had only been in my head. Instead of confirming that nothing was wrong, I discovered that I was bleeding terribly. And I hurt sooo bad. I kept saying "Please don't be gone, please don't!" I had never experienced a miscarriage before and I was terrified, thinking, "What if I hemorrhage, what if I just lie down and die right here in the bathroom?" (There was that much blood!)

I ran over to my neighbor's house, who had watched the kids while my husband and I went out, where my husband was and as soon as I got inside I said, "We need to go to the hospital."

We went to Johnston Memorial, where they completely ignored my complaint. Then, they made me wait about two hours before finally taking my blood pressure. At this point, I was in so much pain I couldn't stand. I sat down in a wheel chair and THAT was taken away from me. I told my husband to take me home.

A few hours later, when nothing had eased and I was still in a lot of pain, my husband decided to take me to another hospital in Raleigh, but I was so tired that I refused to go at first. Then he literally carried me outside to the truck.

We got to the Wake Med hospital and a nurse immediately saw me. She held my hand while I told her what was going on. After a urine test to check my hormone levels, it was confirmed that I had lost my baby. (The attention that the hospital gave to me--I had no medical insurance at the time, either-- was so comforting and they kept me informed about everything that was going to happen and what was already happening.)
I couldn't have been more devastated, unless I had lost my two other children. I was twelve weeks along.

The first person I called was my mother. She had a miscarriage and had NO ONE to talk to about it. Her mother had told her that she could try again and that she should see it as a blessing. (My mom already had three kids and my grandmother was the type of woman who thinks children can be seen, but never heard, blah, blah, blah.) A few days later, she gave me a pair of feet, the exact size of my baby's feet at twelve weeks along.
I was so full of anger for the first two weeks. I wanted to smash stuff and I hated my husband for not being able to understand my sense of loss. After that first two weeks, I lost most of my anger and became depressed. I called my doctor at this time, because I was afraid I was slipping into something worse than depression.

She comforted me by telling me that post-partum occurs whether you miscarry, abort, or have a live birth. SO then, I got mad again. I went through the pregnancy and GAVE BIRTH to my child, went through all the symptoms of pregnancy, and I have nothing to hold? I have nothing to wrap up in a soft blanket and nurse! How can God let that happen! There's no baby and it's not fair! I felt cheated because I am a good mother and I really wanted her! After about six weeks, as my hormone levels evened out, I realized I was no longer angry. But I had a terrible sense of loss and I missed her. I'd never met her, I would never hold her, I would never feel the touch of her tiny starfish hands or see her smiling eyes, but I MISSED her so bad.

My mom, my best friend, said that I should consider making something with her name on it and hanging it on the wall. Remember to NEVER forget. That baby had a soul. Don't listen to what people think of how you mourn, how you grieve for your loss and a loss for the world. Do what you need to do to heal. I made a cross-stitched plaque with Rita's name on it and hung it on my wall in my living room. When I need to pray, that's who I pray to. I now know that I have a soul that is already in heaven that can pray for me and her siblings.

We all handle loss in different ways and none of them are the wrong ways. My husband has never brought her up and it seems to me he has forgotten. I know that it can't be true, but the way he handles it was totally different than the way I handled it and I have to respect that, even if I can't accept it.

You all have my deepest sympathies and I wish you the best healing.


Jenny






First Pregnancy and So Sad!!!

I recently posted on "Getting Pregnant". My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant, w/ our first child, for 19 months when we finally got our BFP. I was on Clomid for 3 months. July 27, 2007 was the happiest day of my life. We were so thankful and excited. Words couldn't describe it.

I was very cautious from the beginning because I knew how high the miscarriage percentage was. I didn't have any symptoms except for tiredness and I was 4 weeks when I found out. I got my blood drawn the day that I got my BFP and then again two days later. Everything was fine and my levels were going up so I thought everything was ok. My first appointment was on August 08, 2007. I couldn't wait for this appointment. I was ecstatic!!

When my mid-wife did the ultrasound she had a hard time locating the sac. She finally did but you could barely notice anything. As soon as she said that, "this may be a bad pregnancy" I knew that something was wrong. Of course she said not to worry and scheduled me for another ultrasound two weeks later. Well, I wasn't even pregnant for more than 8 hours later.

I miscarried at 1:00am the next morning. I couldn't believe it. I honestly never thought that I would ever have to experience that. It was the most shocking experience of my life. I called my mid-wife at10:00 that morning and she said that as soon as my levels drop below 5 we can start trying again. So, tomorrow I get my blood drawn and hopefully it is below 5 so that we can start trying right away. I know that we will have a successful outcome soon. It's in God's hands and we have faith that he will bless us with a healthy baby.


Jill







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