Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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first courage


I always was so careful not to get pregnant. I was always so afraid it wouldn't be the right time. I am 36 and in a 5 year relationship. I finally had the courage to say I wanted a baby. When we found out I was pregnant, we were a little scared but excited at the same time. I was finally going to be a mom. I probably told more people than I should have because I was so excited.

Had my first check up, normal stuff, tested me for everything, bloods etc. Set up my next exam for a sonogram in a month, when I would be 12 wks. I had been spotting for most of the 4 wks, just when I wiped, a little tinge of blood. Did all kinds of research; most things said it was "normal" to spot during the 1st trimester. No cramping just occasionally some blood.

My fiancť came in to the appointment with me and broke down before the doctor even came into the room; I think it finally hit him that he was going to be a Daddy. I had been reading so many books so I had an idea what the baby should have looked like at this stage. When she did the sonogram I knew something wasn't right, the baby was so small. There wasn't a heartbeat. The baby's heart must have stopped at 6 weeks because that was it's size but my uterus continued to develop as if I was 12 weeks.

As soon as I saw how little it was I knew it wasn't going to be good news. Finally I had the courage to bring a child into this world and it wasnít going to be. I have faith though that it will happen and we are going to try again as soon as it's safe. Once again I will find the courage to become a mom. Thank you for listening.


C






my baby's loss

I was 3 weeks pregnant when I lost my beautiful baby. I just had a miscarriage...and today being my first day I'm still trying to adjust! The doctor didn't really explain much about why this happened to me but that almost 20% of pregnancies end this way. I was on depo provera for 1 year and 3 months...and as soon as I stopped it only took me 3 1/2 to get pregnant.

I have heard a lot of stories about depo provera and how girls always have miscarriages after the shot. I got pregnant and I didn't know it yet because I had gotten my period (at least I thought it was). It was actually that I was getting ready to miscarry. After that I bled for 20 days and I lost my baby...I don't know if it supposed to hurt when you miscarry but I am not hurting...just bleeding. I have no abdominal pain just a little back pain.


elizabeth






A loss without warning

Just before Christmas I couldn't have been more excited about hearing my first child's heartbeat. Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was because I had not had any morning sickness, no bleeding, and no spotting; I just felt great. I teach school and my students knew all about me going to have a baby and they were very excited. At six weeks after a routine exam I had a little brown discharge but because I was so nervous I had the doctor do an ultrasound that I couldn't see and they said the heartbeat was fine and the baby was fine nothing to worry about (I felt silly).

At 12 weeks my husband and I went in to hear the heartbeat out loud for the first time. The nurse put the Doppler on my stomach and she said that the baby was being stubborn and she would let the doctor try. That scared me but I stayed calm. He came in and said that I could be earlier then they thought and they would do an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay.

We went in and for the first time I was able to look at the screen. There was my little baby and I was so happy until they just patted my leg and said it looks so small and she couldnít see the heartbeat. They did a few more tests but it said the same. No heartbeat and they thought the baby actually died around 8 weeks. I had no idea and this bothers me greatly. Why didn't I feel it, why didn't I bleed? There were absolutely no warning signs.

I felt crushed inside and out. I had to do he D&C an hour later. Then three days later I had to go through Christmas with all the people ho had been so excited for us. It was tough. This week I had to go back to school after Christmas break and tell my students; another really long day. What makes all of this worse is that we were nervous about having a baby in the beginning and now I don't know if my husband will ever be ready to go through the chance of that happening again. I don't understand and pray God gives me comfort.


Rebecca






our first

I never wanted to have kids until I married my soul mate. My husband is wonderful and I immediately wanted to have a child with him. It just seemed like my life turned around like I was truly alive. We decided that after about 7 months of marriage we would start trying and within a month or two we were pregnant. We were so excited, so happy and so in love with our baby already.

We told our family right away. They knew we were trying and we couldnít hold it in - we wanted to tell the world. We made a Dr. appt and he told us we were 6 wks pregnant. We got to see the little image of our baby, we were so happy. We went back 2 wks later the Dr. wanted to see the heartbeat at 8 wks. We saw it and we had a picture of our BABY!! But the Dr. said that the baby was actually about 6 wks so that was a set back, but we were ok with that.

Then Christmas came and we got baby gifts and maternity clothes and a picture frame from my sister (thatís wear our sonogram picture still is). Then on Jan 5, 2006 we went for another visit and he couldnít find the baby, couldnít find a heartbeat, NOTHING. I never had bleeding, just a little cramping but never expected to hear that we lost our baby. That day I was scheduled for a D and C. I had about 2 hrs to try to comprehend losing the baby and deal with going into surgery.

My husband and I cried the whole time telling our family and trying to deal with it all. We got to the hospital and waited for the procedure so we never had time to really completely take it all in. The surgery went well and my husband could not have been any better being there for me. My mom and sisters were there as well and that helped a lot. We went home and just the two of us lied in bed crying and holding on to each other.

This is only the day after the surgery and I canít deal with it at all. I donít want to talk to anyone but my husband and donít want to leave my bed. My husband is hurting so bad as well and I feel like I canít even be there for him because Iím so confused. Iím so angry and hurt and questioning what did I do. Iím so depressed and feel so GUILTY. Why us, why me!!! I donít know if I want to try again because I really donít know if I can go through this again. I donít want to go through this again.

Reading all these stories had really made me realize that what Iím feeling is normal but at the same time so sad to hear the other losses. Itís even more depressing knowing that only at 7-8 wks long that I loved a baby I never felt and never met so much. I love my child and always will and I canít believe that the baby is gone. I ask my husband to make this a bad nightmare but thatís all he wants too. We will always love our first child together and never forget the happiness that he or she brought to us.


Jenee'






Gone but not forgotten

I went to the hospital for my 13 weeks scan. My partner couldnít come with me because of work, so I took my younger sister with me. We went in for the scan and it was great. Scans are far better now since I had my son and daughter. Baby was so active they couldnít get measurements. Everything was clear - perfect in fact. The sonographer turned round and smiled and said everything was ok. On the way home I couldnít stop smiling. Everything was ok. I started feeling movements already, as Iím so small.

Morning sickness was bad and never subsided but I thought itís all worth in the end. It came round to bonfire night and I decided to go inside because of all the smoke. I didnít want to do any damage to my baby. This is when a friend fell on me; not hard, just missed my belly and so I thought everything would be fine. From that day I never felt my baby move, which I thought was strange as he/she been so active the last few week. A few days later it came round to see the midwife for my 15 weeks check up.

I mentioned that I hadnít felt movement for a while but she thought I shouldnít have been feeling movement at all yet. She asked to me to lie down so she could check the heartbeat. She took ages and couldnít find one; I told her that the doctor had difficulty on my last two babies to find heartbeats. She got straight onto the phone to book a scan to stop me from worrying.

They couldnít fit me in that day and had to wait till the following morning. On my way home I knew something wasnít right. It got to 9am Friday morning and I was getting ready for the scan. My partner couldnít come with me, as he had to watch our 3yr old daughter. There were kisses and cuddles all round, telling me everything would be ok, but I knew in the back of my head it wouldnít be.

I got to the hospital and had to wait a while watching women going in and coming out with pictures and smiles. All I could think was hurry up let it be my turn then I can stop worrying; then I thought no, let me wait - then I still have hope.

My name was called and I lay on the bed, I watched her face closely, willing her to say everything was ok. She took a while and then put the equipment down, touched my hand and said, ďIím so sorry, there wasnít a heartbeatĒ. I broke down; I knew my hope had gone. She asked me if i wanted to see my baby but I couldnít. She said that I already knew, she could tell.

I was taken straight down to epu where a nurse told me they were going to make appointments for me to deliver my baby. I drove home numb and crying. A few days later I was in the hospital opposite the newborn ward. Tablets were given to start labor, and 4 hours later I felt a pop like my waterís going. I looked down, pushed a little and my baby appeared. The nurse rushed off with my baby and left me alone.

I was gutted. I couldnít move as I was losing loads of blood. Doctors rushed in and hooked me up to a drip. I felt like I was going through hell. The nurse came back with a little basket with my baby laid inside. Such a tiny but perfect baby, eyes, ears, and the most gorgeous little nose I have ever seen. The nurse left me alone with my baby. I decided to name him/her Brooke as we didnít know what sex baby was. I had to stay in the hospital for a few days hooked up to the drip. All I wanted to do was go home but the doctors wouldnít let me. They had me on stand by for a blood transfusion, as I wouldnít stop bleeding.

All I could think why me. I was woken up every 2 hours through the night for my B/P to be taken. They decided I could go home the following afternoon. All I wanted to do was go home, I fibbed a bit and told them I felt fine. Really I was distressed and tired feeling weak, dizzy. But I just wanted to be home. As soon as they removed the drip I was dressed and packed to go. The nurse brought me photos and the blanket that Brooke was laid on; I couldnít bring myself to look.

I felt numb when I got home; couldnít eat, sleep or even take part in a conversation. I cried and cried and thought, ďfour days ago i was having a baby, feeling movements, and now I have nothingĒ. Itís been 6 weeks now and Iím still bleeding. I have been to the doctor's and sheís keeping an eye on me but itís a constant reminder of what happened. I have to take medication for the next 3 months to get my blood levels right again and canít get Brooke out of my head. I feel like everyoneís forgotten about Brooke and lifeís moved on, but not for me.

I am now waiting on the post mortem reports to see if we can find out what caused this and the sex of Brooke. Maybe then Iíll have closure.


melanie







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