Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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An Incredible Loss


Hi my name is Crystal. I am going to be 27 in March. I have been married for 8 years "yes I started very young". I have a daughter that is 5 and the absolute love of my life! We decided in Oct of 05 that we wanted to make an addition to our small family so I had my IUD removed. Well this past August my daughter and I were involved in a car accident, which left my daughter with abd pain, which we still can’t figure out the cause of, and myself with whiplash and shoulder pain.

Anyway I when to the E.R. after the accident and had a series of x-rays, ct scans and pain medication given to me. During this time I had started to spot, I had no idea what was going on because it was four days before I was suppose to start my period. I called my gyno and made an appt. For all you overweight gals like me you will love this... My gyno wanted to set me up for an infertility work up and to check me for a cyst on my ovary but not before telling me how fat I was and how that was really hurting my chances of conceiving.

I left her office for lunch in such furry that day I felt like I would never have another child. Well I went back in for my ultrasound "to check for a cyst”. Well what they found was actually a baby.. What a surprise! I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. Only to end in great disappointment… I miscarried a little over a week later.

I question everyday if the accident and testing and pain pills they gave me caused me to loose the baby. I really feel very depressed a lot of the time. I just hope that my tragedy will soon be put behind me and I will go on to have a happy healthy baby.

Sorry it was so long but it has been a great ordeal to overcome so thanks for listening.



crystal






Stillbirth

This is a letter that I wrote to my daughter. I am 25 years old. We do not yet know the cause of death. Danika was a perfect full term baby. I hope my story can help people in the same situation. You are not alone.

My dear Danika,

On Friday February 16th I went into labour with you. I was so excited to finally meet you. After timing contractions for a few hours, I called your papa to come home from work and I called your nanny because she was coming for your birth. I had seen the doctor the night before, and told her that I was having a few contractions that woke me up often at night. She checked you out on the ultrasound and there you were, just waiting to come out.

We could see your heart beating. The doctor gave me an internal exam and said that it might not happen very soon. I came home and laid down for a while and when I woke up, I had a bloody show! According to every book it meant that you WERE coming soon! I couldn't stop feeling excited.

When Nanny and Papa showed up at home, we got ready to go to the hospital. Your papa and I had a bet going on when you'd be born. He said the 17th. It was already almost 4pm, so depending on how far along we were, he might be right! We got to the hospital and a nurse (We'll get to know that her name is Barbara) told me to go pee in a cup and then she tried the heart Doppler on my tummy. She couldn't find your heart. I wasn't worried. You had a habit of shifting around so the doctor couldn't see what he wanted all the time. After about 3 minutes of searching my heart started to race. Then Dr. S. came in to see what she could do. She really poked and prodded. Then we heard a faint beat.

Out came the ultrasound machine and they put that on you and poked and prodded some more. You wouldn't move. Dr. S. looked me in the eyes and said, "I am so sorry, but I think your baby might be dead. I can't see her heart beating." I looked at your nanny and she looked back at me in complete shock. I looked at your papa and he just closed his eyes and sagged in the chair. Then he came up and held my face and kissed my head.
Everything is a blur after that.

I remember feeling like I was howling. I don't know if I was. I was shivering all over and they brought me to delivery room 7. There they felt to see how far I was. I was 2 cm. So then they decided to try a scalp monitor on you. They broke my water and inserted first one monitor, then another monitor. Both gave no reading. Then they moved the bed up a bit and there was a glitch and a heart rate came up and then disappeared. Dr. S. yelled "Enough of this! We're going to do a c-section!"

Out of nowhere, there was a nurse shaving me and Nanny ran from the room to sign papers or something. It was too much for Papa, who was told that not only might his baby be dead, but now they were going to rip open his wife. He almost passed out and the nurses made him lay on the floor.

They wheeled me to the O.R. I was so scared that I actually pooped on the stretcher. In the O.R. I had 5 people yelling at me at once to do different things.

"Are you allergic to anything?" "Have you had surgery before?" "Clench your hand like this!" "What do you mean you're not frozen? You didn't have an epidural??!"

Somebody kept pushing a mask on my face, which made my nose flatten, and I couldn't breathe. I finally pushed it away and said I couldn't breathe. Then they injected the anesthetic, which burned in my veins. Everything went black.

Somebody called my name. I didn't even open my eyes. I just said "Is she alive? Is my baby alive?"

"Oh, Honey. I'm so sorry. No, your baby is not alive." You were born asleep February 16th, 2007 at 5:43pm. You were 8 lbs 4 ozs. 21 inches tall.

Nanny and Papa were there and they brought you to me. You were so beautiful. You have your papa's chin and ears and you have my mouth and nose. Your eyes were closed, 2 little lines over these cheeks that are so big and perfect that you want to suck on them.

Your eyebrows are very light, but you have red hair with little curls at the ends. Your limbs are fat and rolled like a baby should be. You have really long nails that are thick and healthy, not like most babies. Papa and I both held you and kissed you I don't know how many times. Nanny held you and kissed you too. Later on, in the hospital room, Grandpa, Opa and Oma, Auntie Kris and Uncle Sean all saw you and loved you. Barbara Christened you Danika Radtke.

My sweet daughter. Words can't express how much I love you. I loved you from the moment I thought papa and I were pregnant. I loved playing with you while you were inside my tummy. I would poke you and you'd pound me back! You'd always get the hiccups and I would laugh. You even tickled me all the time by running your feet against my ribs.

That night, after everybody had left papa and I tried to sleep. I was on Morphine and it was making me dopey. Every time I tried to sleep, I'd see your still face or I thought I could still feel you kicking me. I'd wake up and cry. Then something happened that has not happened in a very long time. A man was at the end of the bed, and he was rubbing my legs and feet. He was telling me that you were okay and that you were with them and being taken care of. This man was my Grandpa. I stopped feeling those phantom kicks, but I still couldn't sleep.

Danika my love. I know that you are with so many people that love you and they love your mummy and papa to no end. They will always be there with you to take care of you as you grow. I know you will grow, but don't worry, Papa and I will still know you when we meet again. Don't worry about us for now. We have so many friends and family members here to take care of us and help us to heal.

I know that you will want to watch over me and papa, and you are welcome to do so. You had to leave us for a reason. Right now it's hard for us to understand that, but we will. Your name means 'Morning Star" and when I want to talk to you, I will look at the stars and know that you are listening.

I love you so much.
Your mummy forever.


Kelly Wilson






2 losses

I have been reading a lot of these stories, and I can relate to that feeling of loss. I recently miscarried 9 weeks into my pregnancy (and prior to that, I had a chemical pregnancy). I was really hopeful with my most recent pregnancy as I got closer to the 12 week mark, however when I started spotting, my heart dropped and I just knew that it was not a good sign.

I miscarried naturally (baby died at 6 weeks I was told), and I never felt so bad in all my life. My husband tries very hard to be upbeat, but I feel so alone in my grief sometimes. It helps to talk about it with other women who have been through the same thing. Many people I know have miscarried, but my worry is that I have miscarried twice and have started to feel nervous about my health.

I feel so scared and I wish I could be stronger, but for now, I feel entitled to be sad. We women have to go through so much, and going through a pregnancy loss is devastating but I am determined to get through this and come out strong in the end. I hear many stories of hope and cling to them - I know everything will work out in the end and I will one day have a healthy pregnancy. Keep thinking positive that is the one thing we can control!

I'm sorry for every woman who has experienced a miscarriage - why we have to endure such heartache is a mystery. But hope and faith are something that can never be destroyed...


Janet Chang






Alone

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday, myself and my husband were over the moon, we started to plan the baby’s room, maybe even move to a bigger house to accommodate for our baby.

Monday came and I had a bit of brown discharge, the doctor told me not to worry as lots of women bleed in the early stages. Discharge turned to bleeding on Tuesday; not loads {not even enough to con. being a period} but the bleeding continued until Thursday when I did another pregnancy test and those dreaded words 'not pregnant' appeared.

I was 6 weeks pregnant and I am 24, my friends don't understand and my mother thinks I should just get over it. How can you when you keep seeing your baby in your mind?

I feel so sad and lonely and scared for the future - what happens if I have another miscarriage?

My heart goes out to you all I know how you are feeling.

x


kellie toboni






Gone so soon my little 1 x

I had only been with my boyfriend for 2 months when I fell pregnant. It was a big shock to us both of us, as it was not planned. There was no doubt in our minds that we wanted the baby and we grew very excited about the prospect of being parents. We told our family and friends and they were shocked but really happy for us both.

I carried out 5 tests and all were positive so we went to my doctor and it was all confirmed.

After just 1 week and 3 days of finding out I miscarried at work (I work with children in a nursery) I was sent to the clinic and I was told that there were no signs of pregnancy in my womb but they did a test and it was still positive. I had bhg tests carried out and am currently waiting for the results. I was 5 weeks 3 days pregnant.

I have never felt so empty and feel so sad and cannot stop crying. I keep asking myself why and will I ever be blessed with a child I have longed for since I was a teenager.
I will never ever forget that feeling of being pregnant and how happy I was walking around knowing that I had a life growing inside of me.

Life is not fair sometimes but I live in the hope that one day I will be a mum that I so desperately want to be even now at this present moment in time.

All that keeps me going is my wonderful and lovely boyfriend that I know now that I love so much and want to have a child with.

I will never ever forget the 1st child I carried it will be with me always. The pain will always be there and when Oct 12th 2007 comes I will remember you my little one.

x rest in peace x


Sarah H







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