Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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little miracles


My husband and I have been together 13.5 years and married for 1.5 years. We are both 30 and finally feel the time is right to start our family. We were very luck to get pregnant on our first attempt and everything was going wonderfully. I had all the early pregnancy symptoms, nausea, sore breasts, tiredness etc. I was booked in for my first scan on Monday 23 October 2006.

On the Friday before I started bleeding. I rang my midwife who explained this is very common and to try and not worry too much, get plenty of rest and because it was a weekend I couldn't have an earlier scan, so I was to hang on until the Monday. The bleeding eased and we both hoped and prayed that everything would be ok. Sunday and the bleeding is getting worse so I call my midwife again. She suggests I come in and let her listen to the heartbeat. She informs me that I may leave feeling worse than I do now, and I assure her that I don't think that is possible as I just feel something is wrong. She listens and hears nothing; she tries 3 different machines and also gets a colleague to try also. Nothing. She asks my husband if I seem "less pregnant", he says, ďactually I think so, yesĒ. We both spend the afternoon in tears.

Itís Monday and we arrive at our scan appointment, the lady is lovely and looking very excited to be sharing our first scan with us. I tell her that I don't think it will be good news as I have been bleeding and have a bad feeling. She confirms our worst fears that our baby has died. It only got to 8 weeks so I have had my dead baby in me for 5 weeks. I couldn't face having a natural passing so opted for a D & C, which was done the next day. It's funny how you just know don't yourself. That sickening gut instinct that you try not to listen to because you don't want to give up hope, and because you donít want to admit is right. This has been so hard to get through, and it is as if you try and keep your chin up for the benefit of everyone else so they don't fell awkward and worry anymore.

It is now Dec 29 2006 and yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. We are both a mixture of delighted with anxious as you never know what will happen. Well we have a lovely romantic evening together dreaming about the day when we are both parents and both go to bed feeling fresh and alive again.

This afternoon our nightmare arrived early as I have started to bleed again. I am only 5 weeks pregnant at the moment, and I think through my tears well at least we have only known for 24 hours, not 13 weeks. And I think of all of you that have babies die at birth or just before and know that my pain isnít as hard as your suffering and my thoughts go out to you, however I feel utterly useless as a woman; I feel abnormal and inadequate.

I have always had a fear that I will not get to me a mum; a fear that haunts me, as I know that being a mum is what I am meant to do. Having children is a precious gift, an amazing thing to cherish, and it tears me apart to think I might not get to go thorough this miraculous journey. So I am writing this not knowing whether by Monday I will be at a loss again.

To all of you who are uncertain whether or not you should try again, most definitely go for it. It is worth it despite all the pain, and i just keep saying to myself have faith that I will get my little miracle one day. And when i do at least I will have a new appreciation for life that i can pass onto my baby.

Sending you all huge hugs and warm smiles in hope that we all get to have our own little miracles.



Claire






my baby

I am 19 years old and had my first miscarriage four months in. I woke up one morning with slight cramps and a little bit of brown spotting and called the dr. He said it was nothing because the blood wasn't red. As my day at college progressed the cramps got worse and worse till I couldn't walk at all. I went home to lay down crying because I knew what was happening. Finally the pain was more then I could bare and when I stood up my water broke. I couldn't believe that I was going into labor at 4 months.

My fiancťe had to carry me to the emergency room where I sat in a pool of my own blood because the nurse didn't believe I was bleeding as much as I said I was. I bled through 5 beds, 2 wheel chairs, 9 gowns, and about a million pads. Not to mention the blood in the bathrooms and on the floors. I've never seen so much blood in my life or experienced that much pain. I never stopped crying that day even when they put me under to do the D & C. I cried for weeks after too, I still cry and itís been over a month.

I loved my baby more then anything in the world and I'll always love him/her. I think the worst part is not knowing if it was a boy or girl because then I don't even get to give him/her a name. To cope I got a tattoo that says I'll never forget my angel baby in Japanese written on my ankle. It helps a lot to know that my baby will never be forgotten. I never had anyone to talk to since my family was happy to learn I wouldn't have a baby. I am already trying again; I don't know why this ever had to happen to me, or to anyone for that matter. Nobody should have to experience losing a baby.

All I can say is never give up hope, the chances of having another miscarriage are even slimmer then people who have never had one. My deepest condolences to anyone who has to go to this page because of a miscarriage, I know what its like to be that person and have your dreams shattered. I hate when people say Iím sorry, itís not like they're the reason it happened, and it just did. I'd rather have everyone just say, sorry dude, that sucks, because it does suck and they have no idea how it truly feels. I'll be praying for all of you that this never happens again; good luck and never give up hope.


Isabelle






Confused

I have to start off by saying that I am blessed to have two healthy and beautiful young children already, but I think that is why I am still so confused after my miscarriage. Last Feb, (2006) I found out that I was pregnant and although it was a huge surprise, my husband and I were ecstatic. Now I know that I am generally small framed, but at just five weeks my husband and I could swear that I had a little bump. This made us nervous because with the other two I didn't show until five months.

At just six weeks into the pregnancy my daughter had her third birthday so we had a small party at my in-law's house. While we were setting up for the party I pushed a semi-heavy merry-go-round for kids into the shade, and my mother-in-law quickly told me to stop. She said I shouldn't be moving anything heavy, but of course I was used to lifting two 30lb kids at the same time so I didn't think it was heavy. The next day after we returned from the mall I found some slight spotting on my underwear. I immediately called my doctor but he just told me to relax and put my feet up. The next day was Monday so we went in first thing to the clinic. My doctor checked me and we even had a sonogram, but everything was fine, the baby had a strong heartbeat.

That night the bleeding became heavier and I began to feel like I was having labor pains so we went in again first thing in the morning. Again, he checked me and we had a sonogram, and the baby was fine...strong heartbeat. The next morning I couldn't stand it so I went in to see if I could take any pain medicine and they did another sonogram; the baby was fine with a STRONG HEARTBEAT. I took some Tylenol and went home. At home my son spilt some Cheerios on the carpet so I took out the Dirt Devil and cleaned it up. About three hours later I began running a fever and couldn't stay still, the pain was terrible. I called my doctor and he told me that if I was having a miscarriage there was nothing that I could do, but to try and collect anything that passed before the next morning.

Then, not even five minutes after he described to me what to look for, did I begin to pass tissue. I called my husband, but while I was screaming from the pain I felt my baby come out. I couldn't believe it; I just sat there in shock. I sat in the restroom for thirty minutes holding my baby while waiting for my husband to get home. The worst part is that the pain ended and so did most of the bleeding, which made me feel guilty because I was so glad to not be physically hurting. I couldn't bring myself to even look at it, I was scared, but hoping that it was something else...not my baby.

My husband came in along with my mom and they took it and wrapped it up for me. We sat for hours in the ER waiting to be seen but eventually decided to go home and go see my doctor in the morning. That night my mom cleaned off the baby and wrapped it carefully in a baby blanket and placed it in a large cosmetic bag for me to take into the clinic. The entire drive to the clinic I just kept rubbing my hand over the large bump in the bag, crying with disbelief. When we saw the doctor he examined me and we had another sonogram to confirm that I had a complete miscarriage.

While I was being examined my husband gave the bag containing my baby to the nurse, knowing that I couldn't do it. Today it has been over nine months since I lost the baby and I still cry everyday wondering why. I don't understand and I feel like I did something wrong. Everyone tells me that it just happens but I can't seem to accept that. Even now that I am pregnant again I feel terrified every single time I feel anything. After all this time I don't know why I can't get over it, and now I am afraid of holding some kind of grudge to my new baby. I am excited to be pregnant again and grateful that all is going well, but I just feel scared.


mp






it happened again when we stoped "trying"

I was a single mother of one; she's three. I married the love of our lives when she was 2.5, this past June. We wanted her to have a sibling and we were lucky enough that the first month we tried, we got pregnant. I had a blighted ovum and a d/c in July, the pregnancy lasted 8 weeks. I think the only thing I wanted to do was replace that baby... to get pregnant again to get the feeling back.

I watched a best friend who got married a month after me get pregnant as fast as I did and continue with her baby - and it tore me apart. As soon as we were able, depressed as we were, we tried and tried. I went nuts at my young age buying a fertility monitor, pee sticks, you name it. Finally, in October, I decided I was done. I couldnít live with the anxiety of trying to have another - I was still grieving the baby we wanted so badly. I sold the monitor on eBay.

This December 10th, 2006, I found out I was pregnant... after we'd stopped trying. No timing, charting, nothing. I go for my first scan 1.2.07... Iím praying for this to work out. The anxiety I feel each day of weather or not this baby is thriving is unbearable, itís almost consuming me. After the loss, I stopped being a good wife and mother and was so depressed I neglected everything - cleaning, my child, myself... my body. Everything. To all of you who want to move on from this type of loss: take your time. I know getting pregnant right away seems like the right thing, but you need time to grieve.

... If this works out, the baby will be due ague 22 2007... a few days before my daughter turns 4. Special :) although I didnít want to be huge in the summer... got to take what you get, when you get it, and love it to no end.


Danielle






My Little Peanut

I would first like to lend my sympathy to those, who like me, have lost a child. It doesn't matter if it is 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years. A child and a life you create are always remembered! My story basically is as follows. I knew the minute I became pregnant. My partner and I had been trying for about 5 months. We had used the ovulation kit and within a few days, my body changed. I waited about 2 weeks and took a home pregnancy test, which was positive. Shortly after, I started to have barely pink spotting. I FREAKED!!!! I went to my doctor, which I advocate to EVERYONE!!! I am coping only because I knew at every turn what was happening and the odds of keeping Peanut!

The bleeding stopped and everyone said "good job" and I was on restricted activity. Then about 10 days later, I started to bleed... a lot. The doctors werenít sure why and couldn't do much, since it was over a weekend and they suggested I stay in bed. On Monday I went for my regular appointment and had the usual pregnancy work up. They wanted me to have the sonogram a few days later, but I went the next morning. At that point, they were still hopeful, but called it a threatened miscarriage. When the sonogram showed Peanut, I knew it was not good. The baby was the size of 5 ish weeks, but I was 7 weeks into the pregnancy.

My doc compared the sonogram report and my HCG levels and knew it was a matter of hours before I lost the baby. I never had any pain until the moment I expelled the baby. The only indication I had was the bleeding, which I monitored and used as a gauge for my condition. Other than the miscarriage itself, I am fine. My body has responded well and my doctors are hopeful for future pregnancies. I am 26 and have had 2 miscarriages (the first one was 3 years ago and I didn't even know I was pregnant). It is much harder when that is all you want for Christmas and you get attached. My partner and I will keep trying and will always remember the Little Peanut that was not meant to be.

My advice to others is to trust your inner voice. I did and got to see my baby, even for a few short moments, because I wouldn't just wait and see what happened. Good luck to everyone who has lost and won the battle to keep little angels growing! Take care of yourself; the rest will fall into place! I will get to hold my child one day! Thanks for reading! God Bless!


Terrisa







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