Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.

It is best to avoid using stimulants during pregnancy. Amphetamines and dextroamphetamines are powerful drugs and when taken during pregnancy, they can cause miscarriage, early labor or birth defects. You may want to ask other women if they have had personal experience with this.


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5 weeks


MY husband and I were married on March 23, 2005. He had a daughter and I had a son.... We decided in September that we wanted to add to our family. I went off birth control at that time.... Since September I have been reading books on fertility and monitoring my cycles... I knew when I was fertile and we went for it...Then for several months we had no luck...

Then this month I felt nauseated about a week before my period was due.. I work at a nursing home and thought nothing of it as there was a stomach bug sweeping through the building.... A few days later I became more nauseated, but never actually vomitted. My breasts become swollen and tender, I realized that Sunday morning that I was due for my period and had no menstrual symptoms. I took a home pregnancy test and saw a faint line. I thought I was hallucinating so I took another... The same faint line showed.

When my husband came home that night from work he confirmed that I wasn't losing it and we took two other tests.. one that said "pregnant" on it and the other that had a PLUS (+) sign. We were both excited. On Monday I called the doctor's office... They told me to come in on Wednesday with my first morning urine. I did as I was told. The urine test in the office came out negaitive so they sent me to have my HCG drawn... My HCG level was 16 which they said was either really early or there was the chance I could have been having a miscarriage...

I refused to believe the miscarriage..... I had wanted another baby so badly.... They gave me a presciption for prenantal vitamins and I started taking them right away. I believed I was pregnant because I "felt it". They made an appointment for the following Wed. for my recheck of my HCG level. On Friday night I was at work and I had to use the bathroom... I went in and saw a small amount of blood on my underpants... At first I freaked and told myself to calm down as some women spot when they are pregnant.

I began to wipe myself and the blood just kept coming...It was bright red and filled with clots..... I instantly started crying and ran out and told my co-workers... We were short staffed that night and I couldn't leave right away.... I spent 3 hours working and crying and finally another nurse heard I was upset and came to see if I was alright...She spoke to a couple of other nurses and within minutes they had me out the door and I had to come home.

My husband took me right up to the ER....After 3 hours it was confirmed I had a miscarriage....... My HCG level had dropped to 2 and the MD said that it was virtually a negative test....My husband said nothing as we left the ER.... I was so upset I came and laid in bed... My husband never said anything.... He just held me tight.....

Today is Day 2 since my miscarriage... I am trying to cope.... My son doesn't understand.... I am hoping my husband will talk to me about this so we can move on and try again in 3 months like the doctor said!

Sara






The waiting

I had only been with my boyfriend for three months when I got pregnant. We hadnt planned it, but had discussed having a family and were both really excited. I took a test when i was only three days late for my period and it was a really strong positive. The shock and excitement i felt were amazing.

I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 34, and in the past I had convinced myself that I was infertile - just because I hadn't always been ultra careful with previous boyfriends but my periods were always as regular as clockwork. So seeing that positive pregnancy test was a confirmation that i was most definitely fertile!!

At about 4 weeks I had a slight brown discharge - I was worried but read in all the books that slight blood loss could be normal. There was also very slight period cramps. The pain and slight brown discharge lasted for about a week.

I saw my doctor at about 7 weeks and he found that my blood pressure was also very high so he sent me to a 'suspected miscarriage' unit at the hospital the next day. I was quite scared at the speed of it all.

The midwives at the hospital were all wonderful and very comforting, but the scan was horrible. The scanner had to do an internal scan, which was quite painful, as the baby was too small. She talked to her colleague for ages, without telling me anything, and my boyfriend had been asked to sit in a seat miles away from me. She didn't show me the screen and I just lay there thinking - "please if there's something wrong just tell me straight away."

She eventully told us that she couldn't detect a heartbeat and the baby was too small - but that I could have my dates wrong, so I was to come back in two weeks for another scan.

The waiting was awful. Also the problem of wether to tell people or not. I mean this pregnancy had overtaken our lives - everything revolved around it- and my usual line of conversation was 'well if baby sticks around then...' . We did tell people i was pregnant, and the possibilty that it might not 'stick around' and on reflection I'm glad we did.

In the week before the second scan I started bleeding again. This was different bleeding, still slight, but more pinky and I knew this couldn't be good. I went to the doctors and they tried to send me back to the unit the next day but the unit said to wait until my second scan date. I really didn't want to go back to the scan room. I thought I was losing the baby and hoped that I would lose it rather than have to have another scan and be told the bad news.

But the bleeding stopped and we went back to the hospital. I hated going into the scan room. This time they didn't have to do an internal scan, and both myself and my boyfriend thought that that could mean that the baby had grown big enough for a proper scan. But after ages talking to her colleague, the woman said ' its very sad news today I'm afraid, the baby hasn't grown enough and I can't detect a heartbeat.' And then i just wanted to get the hell out of that room. I think she was surprised by my lack of tears, and kept telling me to take some time in the room etc, but I just didn't want to cry in that room.

I had been crying everyday since the last scan, and now it was confirmed, I just felt numb.They still didn't show me the screen, and i was too all over the place to ask. In the toilets after the scan there was bright red blood, which I found a relief in a strange way, as it made it final.

Back in the unit, we were told our options by a lovely midwife. I chose to wait and see if i would miscarry normally. The midwife explained that it could take up to a month and that I would bleed heavily and it would probably be quite clotty, then we were sent home to wait.

We had planned a camping holiday and although i was bleeding and had pain I woke up the next day desperate to go. I think the fear of losing the baby had been hanging over our heads for so long - really since my first bleeding over a month ago - that now it was really happening I was desperate to carry on with my life.

It was quite difficult to cope with the bleeding on a campsite but i was determined to have a good time - bizarre as it sounds.On the second night there I passed something very small and 'meaty looking' which my boyfriend and i both believed to be the baby and that was really upsetting. We buried it under a tree and I cried bucket loads and I thought that was as bad as it was going to get.

But on the third day the bleeding and pain got too much to cope with. I had a shower and my boyfriend stayed with me as I was feeling quite woozy and in a lot of pain. I started to bleed heavily and passed big clots and then actually passed my baby intact in the pregnancy sack. This was hugely shocking - nobody had warned me that this could happen.

My mum who's a retired nurse was close by as she was staying with my sister who had just had a baby, so we went there, which was quite difficult and as much as i wanted to see my new nephew, it was hard. Mum confirmed that it was my baby I had passed and showed me where it's head and body was, which actually was quite nice in a weird way.

We went home and the next day. The bleeding and pain got worse and I ended up in hospital for the whole day. I was becoming anemic through losing too much blood and was really out of it.

My wonderful boyfriend stayed with me the whole day and the one positive thing I can say about this whole experience is that our fairly new relationship has really been strengthened by it. He's been so amazing and supportive. I'm so grateful that I had someone like him with me through this.

We buried our baby on the sugar loaf mountain - somewhere i love to go as it's so beautiful and peaceful. I wrote the baby a note saying how much they were loved and wanted and how they would always be a part of us. It was such a beautiful day and although i couldn't stop crying I did feel a sense of peace.

On the one hand I'm scared about having another baby as this experience has been so hard, and i'd be terrified about having another miscarriage, but on the other hand I really do want to have kids. I think we're going to wait a while, and just appreciate having each other for a bit as that's important too. We're planning to get engaged this month.

I'm sad I never got to meet baby Mackenzie, but they will always be a part of us.

Debs






miscarrying?

my name is hannah i am 23 and have a 3yr old daughter. last cycle began 02-03-06. +hpt. had first u/s on 3-22 showed gest. sac. estimated 4.8wks

on 04-10 i started spotting. went to dr 4-11 sent me for another u/s same day. techs were whispering. they recorded it on tape and heard them say "this one" and "the other one" with a puzzled face. when i asked what? they dismissed it said "oh, just stuff we're measuring." no heart beat or clear baby seen. they did abdom. and pelvic. next morning

4-12 woke up bleeding more and passing tissue at home. called dr. said to come in for blood work. went straight there. went to take pee test and passed more tissue in cup at office. showed to dr and nurse crying. said that there was not much growth inside the sac and i was most likely losing the pregnancy.

they drew blood expecting low hcg. i called next morning for results nurse said they are actually high but did not give me an exact # said they will draw blood again but are closed for good friday. i have to wait till monday 4-17 feels like forever.

it is friday now 4-14 and my bleeding is back down to spotting. I have been reading online and am wondering if because of my high levels it is possible it was twins and i only lost one or if i lost my pregnancy completely.

hannah






silent miscarriage

Finding out I was pregnant at the beginning of Feb left me feeling shocked. It wasn't planned, but after the shock I felt quite excited by the new baby. I have been lucky enough to have three pregnancies over the past eight years, and never imagined that I could lose a baby.

Shortly after the pregnancy was confirmed, I began to bleed, as though on a medium type period. The bleeding lasted for two weeks, without pain. Eventually the doctors sent me for a scan, which confirmed that although the sac could be seen, there was nothing inside it. They monitored me for the next two weeks, taking my blood. Although the bleeding had stopped, another scan was arranged and nothing had changed. A small sac and no baby.

My heart sinks whenever I think about it. I am still being monitored for my hormone levels to see where the pregnancy is going, despite being told that the pregnancy is failing and nothing can be done to save it. The baby has already gone, but I still carry the small sac inside me, until my body flushes it away in my next period. I do feel so sad for what has happened, because I can't help but feel that it is partly my fault for thinking 'not another pregnancy' when I did the test.

I feel that if I hadn't have allowed such a negative thought, then things might have turned out differently...I was told yesterday that there is no way of knowing if the baby ever was in the womb, or had gone into the fallopian tube, though it doesn't make things easier to understand. I feel sad now whenever I see my children together, always picturing the possible fourth which never quite made it, but I have to count my blessings also that I have three children to love. Losing this baby has made me appreciate them so much more.

I hope this helps anyone reading this in whatever way it can. xx.

Mellissa






Happiness turns to emptyness

On valentines day 2006 i took my first pregnancy test, guess what it came back positive!!! I even took two more test within 6 days after that just to make sure i wasnt dreaming! I ran through the house yelling for my fiance whom at this time says to me "it''s positive isn't it". He was more than excited as i was to know that after so long of trying that we were finally pregnant....

For weeks i felt so happy and so alive to know that there was a baby inside my belly....I went for the first sonogram and the doctors told me that i was 6 weeks...We could see the sac where the baby was to be growing...Two weeks later my fiance and i and including my mom went to the doctors again for a second sonogram..

This was a day i will never forget. To see that screen and to hear the doctor utter the words I don't have good news...just the look of sheer worry, devastation and to whatever else i was feeling my doctors were telling me. We can see the sac that the baby is supposed to be growing in but we cannot find no heartbeat or anything...I just felt like my world had been turned upside down. Doctors telling that they were gonna take blood test two days that week to check the beta count in my blood and they would get back to me by the end of the week...

i went for the first blood test and when it came back the numbers were ok..my doctor told me on the phone there is still hope on this so dont give up now came the second test. I received a phone call that friday from my doctor and to hear her tell me well what im going to say isnt what we wanted but the numbers this time in the second blood test weren't good. To hear myself ask her so you're telling me im going to have a miscarriage...When she told me unfortunately this isn't what we were hoping for but yes.

She prepared me for what was going to happen over the next couple of days. I was in sheer terror, anger, worry, anxiety, because i had never experienced a miscarriage before....That night the bleeding started..I just crawled into bed and curled up into a ball and just cried cause i knew what was taking place...Just having to tell everyone that i couldn't carry the baby hurts..

My grandmother's kidneys are only 25% functioning and i told her i was pregnant. this coming weekend is easter she's got enough to deal with now, and now i have to find a way to explain to her everything that happened...My uncle sat on the phone with me the other night and cried...My parents was difficult for me, they had went out 5 days prior to the doctors visits and brought a stroller..Just telling them on the phone just felt like someone sticking a knife right through my heart. Granted, this was an early pregnancy loss but after trying for so long, finally finding out i was pregnant and then losing it, it's just as difficult because of knowing we now have to start all over...

I try day to day to get through this and keep a positive attitude and sometimes it's just too rough...Seeing friends with their children is difficult but Im not giving up hope that one day soon i will have a bundle of joy that i can love and call my own...This is the most devastating thing a woman can ever go through in their life. I sometimes now feel a sense of emptiness but im slowly taking it day by day to get over the grief of loosing something i once was happy for calling my own..

Im not giving up hope and we will try again and next time i will get my little angel that me and every other woman on this earth so much deserve when they want it....

Linda







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