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My miscarriage

I am 29 years old, my husband and I recently decided we wanted to have a child, as we are moving overseas when I finish studying. It wasn't necessarily the best time to start trying, but we thought what the heck! I found out I was pregnant in November 2006; we told all of our immediate family and a few friends, everyone was very excited.

When the doctors did the initial screening of my HCG levels they were a little low, basically indicating that I was a week less pregnant than I should be. My cycles are usually a bit long so we weren't really worried, but they sent me for an early ultrasound anyway. The ultrasound matched where we thought I should be, but it was too early to see the baby so they told me to go back in two weeks time. Two weeks later I went by myself to have the ultrasound, we just figured everything would be okay, but it wasn’t. I was there alone, and wasn’t really told what was going on so I had to call my doctor. Basically it turned out that my hormones hadn’t risen enough and the baby hadn’t grown enough so it was only a matter of time until I started miscarrying.

They scheduled me for an appointment for a D&C a week later. A few days before my D&C the miscarriage started, I went to the hospital but they sent me away because they didn’t have any theatres free except for emergencies. So I had to deal with a slowly worsening miscarriage for three days (including days when I was at work) before I could go to hospital. When I got there they hadn’t booked me in properly so it was a hassle, and people said insensitive things (including a doctor looking at my chart and saying 'how old are you? 29? Don’t worry, you have a whole 14 more years of trying ahead!' (Unbelievable!). It was such a devastating and drawn out experience.

I took nearly a week off, my family and husband and friends were very supportive. But I felt so empty and alone, I didn’t even want to be close to my husband, it just made me too sad; no one could understand how I felt.

I started feeling better, and we started trying to get pregnant again. This month we thought I was pregnant; we did a test, which showed a faint line. A few days later I got my period, late. It was devastating. I felt like I was getting over everything that happened, but now I just feel like it is catching up to me again. I feel like the only thing that will REALLY make me feel better is being pregnant again with a healthy baby, and sometimes it is just too hard to think about.

When it happened the crying seemed to come out of nowhere, now things are feeling a bit like that again. I know that being stressed is not going to help at all, and I am trying my best not to worry. I hope that I can get over this a bit more before I do get pregnant again; I think I need to deal with it separately to another pregnancy.

It has been a while (a couple of months) since my miscarriage, and now I feel like I am harping on about it if I try and talk to my friends, family and partner about it. I feel like they get a little frustrated with me for not just trying to keep my chin up (which I AM trying to do, some days are just bad days). I know they love me and want to help but I guess there is nothing they can really say to make it all better, sometimes I need to just talk about it.

Today one of my friends had a baby. I went to visit her tonight; she was in the same hospital that I had to go to for my D&C. It turned out that she was in the same ward, and the same bed as I was in.... It was an interesting and seemingly unfair blow from the universe! I have decided that I am going to seek counseling to try and help me deal with this, I know that getting pregnant with these sad feelings is probably not good for me and the baby. I hope that anyone who reads this and understands how I am feeling can try and find someone impartial to talk to who has been trained on how to help people with these feelings.

Thanks for reading, and if you are going through what I am going through I wish you the very best of luck for the future.


Sarah

mummy and daddy will always love you pip x x x

I Hi my name is Sarah, age 19. Me and my fiancé started to try for a baby in July 06 and on the 18 October 06 we found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. It was great. We were so happy we told all our family. They said it was great news and so did we.

We got to see my midwife on the 16 November 06. It was great and we got to hear the baby’s heartbeat (I was 9 weeks). The midwife said it was good to hear it that soon so that was good news. She also gave me my scan date, which was 23 November.

I got out of bed and it was my scan day. I was so happy me and my fiancé were up at 6 because we were so happy and looking forward to seeing our baby. We got to the scan room and I was on the bed and looked at the screen and there was my baby with a strong heartbeat; it was so good to see our baby.

On the 6 December 06 I had a bad feeling something was wrong. So I went to the doctor and he tried to find the heartbeat but he didn’t but he said it was ok and it was to soon to hear it, as I was only 12week. BUT why did I hear it at 9 week so I went home and kept telling myself it was all ok and I kept rubbing my growing belly.

On the 7 December I still had that feeling so I went and paid for a scan my Nan came with me because my fiancé was at work. I was on the bed and the sonographer moved the scanner over my belly I looked at her face and she looked at me and said I’m sorry your baby has died. I was so upset it felt like my heart had been stabbed over and over again. I was told I had to go to the hospital.

I went home and my fiancé was at home he was just crying I've never seen him cry bless him (I love him). We went up to the hospital and they did a scan and still no heartbeat the baby was the size of 11.6 week I had a d&c on the 11 December 06. It was the worst day of my life.

Today is the 15 Feb 07. I should have had my 22-week scan today. I will always love you Pip – that’s what we called him. (I think it was a boy x) I did a pregnancy test and there were 2 lines but not very strong so I’m not getting my hopes up.

Mummy and daddy will miss u so much pip rest in peace my baby x x x x x x x x x

Thank you for reading.



sarah

was my fault???

Hi... it's nice to know that we are not alone. At first I felt stupid, thinking what is my problem, I’m not even 6 weeks into pregnancy, get over it... but what ever the amount of weeks you find out you're pregnant, the feelings of excitement remain the same.

I was trying so hard to have a baby... this would've been baby #3. I was overjoyed, but yet something in me, did not want to tell people right away, which I’m so glad I chose not to...

It was a Grey's Anatomy night and well, my husband and I decided to have a little fun. I tell you... making love was wonderful. I had like the best orgasm!

The next morning I saw the smallest spot of blood as I wiped myself after my first urine of the day. Went to work... and continued to see some spotting. I ended up leaving work and going to the dr's office. I left the dr's office with him telling me that everything was going to be fine and that so far everything after he palpated my abdomen felt like a normal pregnancy and to see what the weekend unfolds. Well...

I ended up miscarrying over the weekend and continue to bleed at the present time. I had an f/u appt with my dr on Monday, just to draw levels. Well... let me tell you. My mind was going nuts... I just kept thinking "why?! why me?!... Then I thought: "oh my g-d! Was it my fault?!"

I had googled in the past "sex and pregnancy" and all the articles said that there was no correlation b/t the two. So I continued to google "orgasm vs. miscarriage", and to my dismay in clear print it said you should not have an orgasm if you are a high-risk pregnancy, especially within the 1st few weeks of pregnancy! (I’m 35, and that supposedly puts you at high risk automatically). Oh my g-d! I could handle the fact that it was g-d's way that something's are just not meant to happen... but if it was my fault?! THAT I could not deal with! So with no sleep for the next 48 hours and just feeling down on myself, I couldn't wait to get to the dr's office that Monday, for a mental visit... just to hear my dr. say, "it was not your fault" was what I needed to pull through.

So he did just that. It ended up being a low progesterone level that caused my miscarriage. Now I’m nervous should I try again the next time, but the dr. said I should be fine. I pray that there will be a next beautiful time, but I wrote this to all of you because...

If you're like me... don't over google things, don't read too much into it... and just keep your faith, because when it is our time to have this little blessing, it will happen... G-d bless you all...


cc

My angel in heaven

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I was told I might have trouble conceiving. At 14 I did not realize the enormity of this but spent the next ten years telling people I didn't want children. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I got married in November 2003 and, to our surprise, conceived the following year, on our wedding anniversary after 5 months of trying. My pregnancy was perfect from beginning to end and my angel on earth arrived August 2005. We wanted another baby as soon as possible as our baby girl was such a delight, but due to medical advice we held off.

On our daughter’s first birthday I found I was expecting again, it was all too perfect. We went for our 12 week scan and there was the heartbeat and our baby kicking away, I cried tears of joy, does anyone really get this lucky? Unfortunately, I did not.

My 20-week routine scan revealed I'd had a missed miscarriage, no bleeding, no pain, nothing. I had to have labour induced and two days later I gave birth to a perfect little girl, my angel in heaven.

Yesterday (nearly 3 months later) we got the result of the post mortem. There was nothing they could find which had caused our baby to die. Not sure whether I find this a comfort or a cause of greater distress.

My heart is broken. I know if we have another 20 babies it won't take the pain away.


Alex Lee

my miscarriage

I’m 28 years old; I had never lost a baby ever. This was my fourth pregnancy; I have a 12-year-old son 9-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old daughter. As you can see there is a huge gap. I wanted this to be my last pregnancy and I wanted my 2 year old to have a sibling her age to play with. I got pregnant the fourth time on our first try! We were so excited. Everything was going so perfect; we had also just bought our first house.

Each week that went by I was thrilled not to have morning sickness, which I had severely with my last two. I was also starting to show. I made it to 13 weeks when I had slight cramping. Bleeding in early pregnancy is normal for me, but since I was over 12 weeks I was very concerned. Later that day the bleeding started, first light then heavy. I checked into the hospital had an ultra sound to find out the baby had died at 10 weeks. I couldn't believe it! I was just sent home to finish the miscarriage.

The next morning I was feeling the urge to push I sat on the toilet for three hours. I passed a few clots but I knew it wasn’t over. I had never had a miscarriage, and I wasn’t in any pain. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to wait for pain? Was it going to come out on it's own? I knew the baby was stuck. Sure enough, two days later on a Monday I finally saw my doctor. The baby was stuck in the cervix half way out.

He was taking out tissues. I could hear every time it hit the trash, 5 times .he said the nicest thing he could do for me was a d&c. I had it done later that day. It’s only been a week since the d&c. I still can't believe it happened! I never thought it would happen to me.

My mom had 5 pregnancies all good never any miscarriages. Also my mother in law, she had 4 pregnancies and 4 births to healthy babies. Each day is different for me. Sometimes I wake up and can’t believe my stomach is empty, I can't believe I have to totally rearrange my plans of having my summer baby! I miss the baby sooo much! I will try again at the end of 07 if I can wait that long.


keaton