Dealing with a miscarriage can be devastating. While many may pass off a miscarriage as a pregnancy that "just wasn't meant to be", these words rarely help to relieve your grief. Although a miscarriage can be an isolating experience, it doesn't have to be. Women who are or who have previously dealt with a miscarriage are often a great resource to those currently suffering from a pregnancy loss. Share your words with us and share your support with other women.
she'll fly in heaven with all the angels ;; her wi
Me and my boyfriend, he was 18 and i was sixteen, found out i was 9 weeks pregnant at the health department. All i have ever wanted was a baby a child i could call my own. I love children, love being around them, love hearing them speak. My child was my world. I loved that baby. I never found out the sex, never heard the heart beat, never felt a kick. I finally got my appointment, and went to see the dr. when i got there, they only asked a million questions, and sent me on my way. Also scedualing a new appointment. I came over to see my mom, dad, and little brother in the next county, they wanted to see me and i wanted to see them. The night after i was there, i had spotting, they took me to the hospital and couldnt find a heartbeat. So i got taken to the next county over (not the one i live in now by the way) they had to take me there because i needed an ultra sound, and they're ultra sound technition was not in. So i got down there, and they tell me that they couldnt find a heartbeat on the ultra sound, i had been in hospital, to ambulance, to hospital from 9pm, to 4 am, and they told me i only had a thretened miscarrage, i still kept up my hope, came home and went to bed. The next morning my mother was taking me home, we had to stop at wilco, to get something to drink, i had to pee, i went to use the bathroom, and was bleeding once again, and passed what felt like 3 golf ball sized tissues. I asked my mother to take me to the hospital. They ran tests for about an hour came back in and said, someone has to tell you, and the sooner you hear it, the better. I found out i had a miscarriage, and my heart droped, and as tears fell from my face, i knew i would never be the same person, i was crying too hard to even listen to the dr's instructions. He told me i would have pain, and perscribed me medicine for it. I went by about 2 weeks without pain and came back to my mothers house for my next appointment, and had a d&c done. ever since, my life has changed, and for any young mother reading this, its been three months, and i have not gotten over this, my heart aches, with pain and regret. and i dont know what i still done wrong, everyone told me it was not my fault. But out of all honesty, thats what they had to tell me. Forgive me for feeling like a horrible person. I loved my child dearly, but the way i see it, god's the best babysitter i could ask for(: thankyou god for watching over my child. Taking it under you arm, and keeping her/him safe.
zakI lost my baby boy Zak 4 weeks ago. I was 9 days overdue. I had seen the midwife on the wednesday when i was term plus 5 and everything was fine, then on the friday night i realised that i hadn't felt any movement and couldn't remember any all day, thought i was beig stupid and thought i would wake up in the morning and everything would be fine. I woke up and still nothing, i was meant to be seeing the midwife for a second sweep anyway about lunch time but my husband told me to stop being silly and call the on call midwife to check it out and was told to go to the hospital. I thought i was just wasting their time and they would say it was all fine, but no such luck, They put in on a monitor to listen into the babies heartbeat and i could hear straight away that it was too slow, she was picking up my heartbeat and so she said she would just get the dr so he could scan to have a look, he was looking for ages and i could see it was all still and again he said he would get a second opinion and the consultant came in had a look and she shock her head at the dr and then they told us there was no heartbeat. They started to induce me at 10.30 that morning, nothing had happened so given another dose about 4 and they at 10.30pm the dr came and and said they could induce me again or wait until the morning and try again, i chose to carrying on with another dose. I started have pains 7 the next morning and then gave birth to Zak at 8.23 on sunday 5th september, 9 days over due. He was perfect and i had nothing obviosly wrong. Still don't know what went wrong got to wait another 2 or 3 weeks for post mortem results and i bet they won't know then.
Hayden ChaseI was really looking forward to my second baby and with having no problems or complications with my first pregnancy I was not really worried. Everytime I seen my baby during the ultrasound it reassured me that everything was ok, He had a stong heartbeat and was always moving like crazy. One day when I was 17 weeks I went for my routine check up and when they tried to listen to the heartbeat they could not find it. I seen 2 techs and then the doctor came in but no heartbeat they tried to play it off like it was their dopplers but I knew there was something wrong when I went for an ultrasound at 17 weeks. The next appt was suppose to be when I found out what the baby was so I knew that something had to be wrong if they were doing an ultrasound. I went in and she started the ultrasound and I immediatley noticed that he was not moving he was always moving. I was sent back out to the waiting room and then went into the doctors personal office and was told that my baby was dead. I went to the hospital two days after and had my precious Hayden early saturday morning and got to hold him and tell him I love him. it has been very hard to cope with the loss of your child. It is like no hurt ever before.
Margaret Jacquelyn - Sept 15, 2010Maybe our story can help someone who is going through a similar loss.
Update on 09/13/10
For those who have not heard... we went in today (21 weeks, 6 days gestation) to see our precious little baby. Just a routine ultrasound. I had been suspecting something was wrong for a while but had been reassured by everyone not to worry - I was probably just having a "normal" pregnancy. We could tell immediately that the sonographer was worried and, rather than beat around the bushes, I just asked her straight up, "What's wrong?" When she asked me if I had still been feeling pregnant I knew that the baby was dead. And she confirmed.
Thank you all for the love and support! We are still grieving but it was an amazing peace to get to see our baby girl via ultrasound this afternoon. As far as anyone could tell there was nothing in the world wrong with precious little Margaret Jacquelyn. She must have just been terribly anxious to go see her Creator! ;)
The roughest part is ahead as I will have to be induced and go through labor. (Past 14 weeks gestation they cannot do a D&C because the baby is just too big. It's also not really considered a miscarriage but a still birth.) Please pray that my body can rest before we have to go through that process and that it would be quick and without complication. Since we're still not sure what caused sweet MJ's passing we are all (dr's and nurses included) a little cautious about starting any induction until we know if there were further complications with my body.
God's grace has been sufficient. Grieving is part of the process and I truly believe God sees each tear and is putting them into a bottle... our grief is written in His book (ps 56). The support from friends, family, and our wonderful church family has been overwhelming. There have been times today where I really felt like a burden was lifted and we were being carried as we went from appointment to appointment.
We'll continue to keep our friends and family updated. Thank you for your continued prayer and support.
- Nick, Becca & Ellie (who has remained completely oblivious and has been totally spoiled with attention today)﻿
Update on 09/15/10
A month ago I went in for my 17 week check-up. Michelle was the same midwife I had seen the last time (at my 13 week check-up) which is a little unusual because they try to rotate you between 5 midwives for each of the visits so that you are familiar with them all. She was so, so happy to hear that I was not sick. We had a very normal check-up. Sweet baby Margaret's heart rate was in the 130s which I noted as being a little strange because the very squirmy girl (who I actually didn't know was a girl then) had been having higher heart rates of 170 at previous check-ups. Michelle assured me that was normal for it to fluctuate.
I had one concern that day which makes me laugh now. I was very worried about my labor with Margaret being really fast ;-D Ellie's labor had only been 7 hrs and they told me to expect a somewhat faster labor the second time around. What a silly thing to worry about at 4 months ;-) But I always seem to find something to be "concerned" about...
"Michelle told me that I need to have some mantras to tell myself to settle my mind for labor.
"The curious thing about that is that I already have been memorizing Psalm 113.[I had memorized Ps 121 when I was very young and God chose that chapter to come to mind when I was in labor with Ellie. It was so comforting. This time I was proactive in picking a chapter and had memorized it already] The first verse says 'Prasie the LORD! Praise, O servants of the LORD, Praise the name of the LORD.'
"Michelle suggesed some mantras such as, 'I am healthy. My baby is healthy. I have gone through labor before and I can do it again.'
"That's all fine but what if something changes? What if I or the baby or both of us have complications? Then what mantra can I rely on?
"There is POWER in God's name!!
"And I believe the truth of Ps 113 is that God is to be praised ALWAYS. God is holy! He is all powerful. He is to be praised.
"This morning we [in church] we sang songs of grace and redemption. The thought that God as my name enscribed on His hand and that no one can snatch me from Him?! Amazing! POWERFUL. And such a responsibility to pass on the legacy to my babies."
End of Journal Entry
God knew. He knew that I would be going into labor 4 months earlier than we had planned. He knew that when I went into labor that Margaret would have been with Him in Glory for a month. It's not fair that I have to go to the hospital this morning and be induced and go through all the things a normal mom goes through only to deliver a lifeless form. It really hurts and I'm not going to pretend like I have it all together just to prove to myself or others that I'm awesome or super spiritual.
I can say this, I have been bought. I'm redeemed. And the thought that my precious, sweet baby will never have to be in a world of sin and that she is with her Creator this morning is so precious to me. I am filled with peace although I have tears just rolling down my face as I type.
There have been times in the last 3 days that I have had a difficult time "feeling" like God is with me. But I look back on Ps 113. And I realize how powerful, how holy He is. I realize that He sent His one and only Son - HIS ONLY SON. I have a daughter already and I can't tell anyone how much she has helped already to heal Nick's heart and mine. She is a precious treasure to us. But God only had one Son and He willingly gave His Son to be sent to a corrupt and wicked world. He would have allowed His Son to be beaten and tortured and for Him to die a lonely, agonizing death just for me.
If I had not received God's gift of salvation I just cannot imagine the hopelessness I would be feeling right now. But I did receive that grace. I personally asked Christ to forgive me. I believed that He not only died, but He ROSE AGAIN. He lives for me now. He has given me the Holy Spirit which is not just a warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. Right now I don't feel warm and fuzzy at all. But the Holy Spirit speaks truth to me when the world and circumstances and my sinful nature speak lies.
And it's 5:03AM and I really need to go dry my hair and get ready to birth this baby girl. ;-) Please just continue to pray for strength. I'm not the only one hurting this morning. My parents and Nick and his parents are hurting knowing what we are all about to go through.
I don't want Margaret Jacquelyn's death to be in vain. I don't believe it is because it's already brought me so much closer to my Heavenly Father. But if there were one person out there who had never accepted the redemption that is in the cross, I wish by her passing that someone would see that there is a hope that all can have.
I love you all so much. Thank you for the continued prayers and love. I slept WELL last night and that's just a miracle. It may have been my imagination but I think I started contracting some through the night so here's hoping things move quickly this morning.
My Little AngelAll I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a mother. I was the kid who was teased all throughout school. Most everyone laughed at me and made fun of me. I began to think as I headed toward the thirties I was never going to be married. All of my dreams of being a mother seamed impossible. All of that changed when I met a wonderful man. I began to see my future in a different light. He told me I was beautiful all the time. That was something un heard of to me. I never had a man tell me I was beautiful before he did. We got married in 2006. My dream of becoming a mother was realized two years later when our son Matthew was born. My pregnancy was filled with complications. A year later I was thrilled to find out Matthew was going to have a sibling. My 2nd pregnancy was one filled with complications. I learned at our 20week ultrasound that our baby had cysts on the brain and single umbilical artery. I had dealt with the single umbilical artery in my first pregnancy. I worried until a later ultra sound showed that the cysts were gone. I thought everything else was going to be fine. In April of 2010 my dad suffered a stroke. It was while I was at the hospital by his bed side that I left to go upstairs for a routine visit. The nurse was having trouble finding a heart beat, They needed to call in the ultra sound tech and the doctor on call. I called my husband who was at home with our son. I told him he needed to get the hospital they couldn't find the babies heart beat. It was at that visit I learned that my baby had passed away in utro. I cried and said you have to save my baby. I was 36 weeks pregnant. I gave birth to our beautiful angel Amber Ann on April 3rd,2010. I t was while I was in the hospital recovering from the c-section that I learned my dad had passed away. He died three days later on April 6, 2010. I was discharged on the day my dad passed away. I wish people wouldn't have told me at least you have Matthew. They say it like he is supposed to take the place of our daughter. No one can replace her she will be forever in my heart. I have been trying to deal with the loss of my sweet baby girl and dad at the same time. I am still trying to figure out why God had to take her from our lives so suddenly. My only consolation is that she was meant to be in heaven to greet her grandfather. I wonder if there is any way I could have prevented the loss of my baby? I had genetic testing done and the only answer I was given is that she was small and had no fluid around her. I often wonder what are the chances of this happening again? SUA is not that common in pregnancy something like one to three percent. Both of my pregnancies of had that. I am struggling with the feeling that I should have known or could have done something to prevent it. It is hard for me to talk with family as they have never gone through this before. My 2 sisters each have three wonderful boys. I just wanted two. My life would have been perfect a son and a daughter. Now I am struggling with the loss of my baby girl. I love my son Matthew. I would never want to loss him. I have always wanted a girl. I wanted to be able to buy bows and frilly dresses. Maybe next time God will bless us with 2 girls. One can dream. Even if it is a little boy I will love him the same. Has anyone ever had a still born baby with SUA?
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